Friday, February 18, 2011

Day 45 ~ More Emotional Sifting

Somehow I'm a day off -- This should be Day 46 -- but I'm just going to go with it.
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Yesterday was a pretty awful struggle in the afternoon/early evening!

It is tied in with not contributing enough money to the household, and feeling quite poor all the time; though we certainly are not poor! We are considerably blessed -- and I have to really check myself when I start feeling all deprived... SOOOOOOO not deprived!!!

I'd met a friend at Starbucks, who has asked me to help her and her business partner market their website better -- and she'll/they'll be paying for my efforts.  Situations like this put me in a place of anxiety. Big Time!  I'm absolutely THRILLED that she thought of me, and has put her trust in me to do what I can (whatever that is). On the other hand, I know I'm lacking in a lot of knowledge that others out there possess as a second nature, almost, when it comes to this stuff (internet marketing).

We wrote some stuff down, and I have an idea how to get started -- I wrote her an email to recap what we'd discussed, and we came to a payment agreement; which I also recapped in the email (and, by the way, it suits me perfectly and the timing is amazing!).  This is one of those situations where I firmly believe that God has worked His perfect timing in an answer to prayer.  *But* I just had that thought about an answer to prayer this very minute as I've been trying to write this post and figure out what I'm trying to say!

Takes a moment to reflect and say "Thank You God - You ROCK!"

Back to the other stuff... when I got home, I was hungry - had a pickle, my soup, water, and himself discovered his battery was dead and told me he had to go into work today (and no, he didn't want to take my car so I could pile stuff in the van because it was the first opportunity he would have of driving with his super-duper spectacular radio that has blue tooth and a little mini screen so it can play DVDs too... cuz THAT is what you need while driving -- another distraction[!]), and all these things that I'd promised the Rummage Sale was going up in smoke; so feeling bad about not delivering on THAT promise [lesson learned: don't promise, just say 'do my best' and try, I guess... which wraps me up in wishy-washiness, which I really don't like!].

I got on the computer and went to their website, read my 'idiot's guide' about creating web pages and blogs regarding Meta tags... nothing about adding video on it, so more research coming... and getting hungrier... had a 'snack' (which I now realize is a meal replacement, not an optional snack -- oops!)... some tea... no idea what to have for dinner -- but the feelings are crying out for BULK and COMFORT.  And then I remembered I had Shirataki Noodles -- and remembered Lyn's Shiratake Noodle Bake was on her site, so went over there and used it as a starting point and digressed from her recipe almost 100% (*smile*)... but I didn't start cooking until like, 8:30 pm because of all the emotional crap I was fighting in my head.

I was feeling really crappy, and for the first time, really (since starting MF in January) --I had a concrete thought of going to food as a way to "Feel Better." My head knew that was crap, and I just took a few minutes to breathe, and asked myself  "why are you feeling like this? REALLY??!!" and processed my feelings, trying to figure out what was happening.  Expressing my frustration that plans I thought we'd made were only in my head, and being careful not to put blame anywhere and also express appreciation at how hard himself has been working at work and at home... and taking action on marketing myself as a singer for senior communities by drafting a letter to solicit business -- all these things brought my emotions back in balance.

I started realizing when I was cooking that I was going to be going over on my amounts -- this was quite conscious, actually (not that I started with the intention of going over, but realizing that I wanted ALL the noodles!!! and that I'd figure out the equivalents later, which I've done this morning) so my amounts were  = 5 Greens, Less than 1 Lean, 5 over on my condiments -- Plus I'd had an extra MF Meal because I thought the Parmesan Cheese Puffs were a snack, not a Meal Replacement... you can see my recipe here (very VERY loosely based on Lyn's from Escape from Obesity). As I say, I was more interested in Bulk & Comfort, I think -- the noodles were extremely appealing at the time of this minor emotional crisis...

as you can see... it looks pretty darn delicious.. and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I was completely satisfied after eating and while I knew I'd gone over and was off on a few things according to strict MF Guidelines...
I also knew that everything I was putting in my mouth was On Program -- it wasn't pasta, it wasn't potatoes, it wasn't Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, or chocolate! So I'm absolutely thrilled with my process and my progress and taking a minute to step back, get some perspective and HANG ON!
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So -- Yay ME! and as a reward -- I bought some songs on itunes! I'm planning a "Doris Day" set for a Cabaret Show, and need to learn a few songs -- so... got a few Doris tunes (I ♥ Doris Day!), AND remembered a song from long long longgggg ago that I've been meaning to get on my ipod for awhile, "The Last Time I Felt Like This (I Was Falling In Love)" [the song and clips from the movie on YouTube] sung by Johnny Mathis & Jane Olivor from the movie, "Same Time, Next Year" -- which is one of my all time favorite movies, that I keep forgetting I adore! 

I sang the song with good and very talented friend in High School for one of our choir concerts -- and was so happy last night when I remembered it... FOUND it... and listened to it again!!
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So... today I am feeling better... the scale was still down 1 lb this morning, and I have the day off so was able to catch up on some sleep, write at a pace I like, load my car with the few things I've gathered for the Rummage Sale, and now off to deliver it - and make a stop at storage so I can plan for the Craft Class tomorrow!

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