Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I can feel the bones in my knees...

... and in my shoulders.

And Yes, I can see my collar bones. This is really, really cool.

I'm still REALLY struggling with the next 48 lbs and the journey that will take me on.

I have a feeling it is gonna be tough.  But I can do it.

Today was a crap day at work.  I love my team, and enjoy working with the people I work with on a daily basis. But the frustration of bureaucracy is getting worse incrementally... and I don't have a healthy way to deal with stress, really.

Gotta get my walk on.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Tucson Marathon - Dec 9

Planning to walk the 13.1 half-marathon.

Intimidated just thinking about squeezing in 45 minutes of walking every day.
 * * *
"If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place."
Author, Nora Roberts

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Birthday Arizona

Oh yeah... Arizona's Centennial is today -- We're the Valentine State!

And Happy Birthday to Himself ♥

New Mantra

Never trade what you want
for what you want

Good, huh?

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Mid-February Re-Start

I was up 3 lbs at Medifast yesterday. Knew it would be bad.

No surprise... though this past Monday I saw a new (low) number on my home scale... I then went out and bought "treats" for my team at work = Butterfinger hearts and Dark Chocolate Dove hearts... and well, they got a few of the Butterfinger hearts.

I also inhaled a tin of semi-deluxe nuts (less than 50% peanut mix) in a couple of days... and combine high salt with not enough water... having a sugar binge - all that equaled the 3 lb gain. Well, I have to say it stops today.

Yesterday, driving home -- I bought roasted almonds and bag of Lindt's Chocolate truffles - which are my favorite.  3 truffles = 15 carbs... but of course I didn't limit myself to only 3.  I just called the day a loss and rather than go have a couple of slices of pizza... or some salsa & chips... I enjoyed the sugar; then crashed.
* * *

Last night I once again was thinking about what kind of life is what I want to live
[my mind is racing right now and it is a bit difficult to be coherent when so many thoughts are competing to be first... just a warning that the following may or may not make sense.]
and I had the thought that I need to be a grown up.

(I think) a lot of what I'm struggling with is my inner child not wanting to give up anything. (scrapbooking, memorabilia, stamping, crafting, projects, sewing, Martha Stewart-esque plans for my home and life)

I don't want to have to make a choice. I want it all.

And it isn't the first time I've had the thought, but it is the first time I've had it so incredibly internal -- not just like I was looking at the thought and understanding the concept intellectually and saying, "I see... interesting and quite true..." as if from afar... like an objective counselor talking with a counselee... but rather -- having it come from a bubbling place inside of me. Without Resentment. It was with Acceptance.


Can we hear a big WOOT!!!???!!!
* * *

What I want is changing... and the letting go of past dreams in order to create and make real the new ones I think puts me in a place of mourning.  Mourning the death of past dreams, which I'm still (very much so) attached to, and love dearly; and if there was enough time in the day I still totally want to do (!) But the reality of needing to make some difficult choices creeps in more and more each day, and I'm still in the process of trying to get clear on what it is I want my (our) life to look like.

  1. Health & Fitness -- (still looking to add another 30 minutes of walking a week, and two or three days of resistance fitness activity)
  2. Home & Husband -- Simplifying. Clearing the stuff. Cooking healthier. Planning time together. Growing a Kitchen Garden. Having a herb garden.
  3. Job/Career -- still working on how to want this as a higher priority in reality
  4. Family & Relationships (has moved up the priority list) -- taking a balance of time off between family and chorus/quartet events. Keeping a few meaningful card-making supplies for creating a few meaningful projects.
  5. Quartet -- Be a member of Club 21 (means winning a regional contest and a shot at competing at International)
  6. Chorus -- Be a member of a Top 10 Chorus.
To accomplish even a simplified list of things: my main goal is to go to bed earlier (by 10:30 at the latest) and getting up at a regular time (5:30 at the latest). Watching less mindless television.

So I've been trying to think of things that will actually get me excited to get up in the morning put together a list of things to think about before I fall asleep that I will remember in the morning so I'll actually get up... and be productive... some reasons to get up consistently at 5am.

I struggle with being specific in this area.  Having a list of housework that I need to accomplish isn't doing the trick. Surprise. Not.

Doing music is one of them... but in order for me to get up, start the kettle for coffee/tea and actually come in and be productive - I need the space to work (which is definitely NOT something I have around me at the moment) and some outlined goals on which to focus.
* * *

And I have to express my extreme sadness and grief of the too early death of one of Pop Music's greatest voices. Whitney Houston died yesterday at age 48 -- details about it I haven't seen yet, but I would guess that her later drug use and addiction came from a place of trying to escape the pressure and expectation that a needy (greedy) business demanded.  And from what sounds like a tormenting love relationship.

What a gift she was blessed with, such a tragic, tragic end to her life. My prayers are with her family :(
* * *

I'm so blessed... and incredibly thankful. Thank You.
* * *
PS -- is is 02-12-2012.  Cool. Thanks Ben

Friday, February 10, 2012

Bling ~ A La the Gem Show (Yeah Baby!)

First let me say that I'm *so* glad I didn't bring in my debit card.  I took ca$h only (something I rarely do) and am so completely satisfied with my purchases... *WITHOUT* having done major damage to my pocketbook.

I bought a dozen different colored fabric necklace whatchamacallits, some black plastic/leather necklace things and a few pendants on which to put on them... two black/silver/white/blingy bracelets, a matching pendant and earrings, and matching earrings and ring.  Oh, and a really cute beaded hot-pink velvet bag.

Here's my treasures...

I was taking a picture of my right hand, which meant I was holding the camera with my left hand and trying to not drop the camera, or shake the camera.... so while I'm not particularly enamored by my pudgy alabaster wrinkly finger(s) -- I do LURVE the purple stone... and have earrings to match!
* * *

Had lunch with one of my most favorite people in the world today at one of my most favorite restaurants... took my car in early for servicing... and spent less than $50 in Staples. I could spend hundreds of dollars in stationary/office supply stores... Yessirree Bob... so I was quite proud I got out of there for less than $50!!

Getting ready to go to Big Box store to look at technical gadgetry -- himself wants a phone charging alarm clock thing-a-ma-bob... and I want to touch and feel video cameras to see which ones I want to buy.

Apparently my normal camera can do video - but I can't plug it in -- and imagine it eats the batteries up in a big way -- so think I want a simple bloggie or flip or something in that vein.
* * *

I did see a new-to-me number of my scale earlier this week -- but then succumbed to temptation ~ Butterfinger hearts - bite-sized butterfingers that I bought for work people - which haven't been equally distributed amongst them (!) -- and a few Dove dark chocolate hearts... and I've eaten way too much salt and caffeine this week.

I DID, however, walk on Thursday am - and with the cold weather (cold for us desert rats) and my being sick for a week, I haven't been out for awhile - so it was painfully difficult to get up and STAY UP that early, but it was a great walk!  Miss it when I don't do it-- so am resolved [again] to get up early as a habit. 

I got an app that tells you your sleep cycle -- when the best time is to get up depending on what time you go to bed -- and that helps me figure out what time to set the alarm to get up -- and so far has been right -- even if it is only allowing 5 hours or so of sleep, I wake up 'fresh' rather than groggy, which is, er.... refreshing *hee hee!*
* * *

Still have not moved on the de-cluttering or simplifying... lots of head thoughts, very little physical movement... though I did make room for myself on my little couch -- which is where the pillow is sitting for the Gem Show pictures above.
* * *

Watched the superbowl - at least from half time on-- disappointed for Brady, happy for Manning... great moments at the end!  Loved Matthew Broderick in the Ferris Bueller for Gen X commerical... YAY!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

February 1, 2012

A Dining Table can help re-establish (save? rescue?) a relationship.

Eating a meal together... home cooked & tasty real food... no tv.... no couch eating... making plans and discussing the day.


Weight Loss: eh.

Emotional State: Better

Physical State: getting over being sick (off work 2 days) - missed fabulous coaching session for chorus

* * *
30 Minutes working together on the house.
Not working together at the same time... but as a team separately. Common Goal = to have friends over and have fun movie and game nights. Clear surfaces. Which requires a place for guests to sit. Cleanliness is key here. Lack of Stuff, also important. Working inside and outside on the space we share together.

I feel like such a grownup.

* * *
Less Stuff. Downsize. Donate. I'm not as bad as the tv show, but honestly,  it wouldn't be that far for me to cross over. Why do I have such a difficult time letting go? Such a weird thing - holding on to the past... saving for 'one day' or 'it may come in handy' -- and until that time just keeping everything stuck.

Two empty coffee jars have been sitting on the counter next to the sink for a couple weeks. They're great sized, nothing printed or bumpy on the outside... would be great for a craft project - or for holding ... something (I can't even think of anything at this moment - but I *know* they'd be good for SOMETHING). Himself took our dinner plates to the counter, and we were talking about clearing and letting go, and I said it was okay to recycle those two empty jars.

It pained me to see him put them in the recycling bin. PAINED ME. Physically affected me.

What IS this? How did I get here? What thought process and pattern brought me to this weird place where letting go and getting rid of things is so incredibly difficult? What am I afraid of?
* * *

Random... lots of drama in other areas of life, nothing major... just time consuming. Every day needs to be a day to re-focus. Re-energize. Re-commit.

Peace. Gratitude. Breathe.