Saturday, June 30, 2012

Day 3 of Detox - the Distilled Water, Lemon juice & Maple syrup day

I failed my pre-fast yesterday... my boss brought donuts to work, and I was hungry :(  Not enough fruit and potatoes available to me in the world would have made up for how delicious the donut was... sad, but honest.  Thank goodness the two donuts left at the end of the day were gone by the time I went to take the box to the break room.

I failed twice.. yesterday, however; because after work, I went to the market to get real maple sryup (I bought some for last time, but couldn't find the bottle... weird), and some more fruit and veggies... and bought a chocolate cheese pastry.  FAIL.

Today I've done well so far - the lemon juice and maple syrup is pretty tasty, I have to say.

I want nuts, however.

I justified my big fails on Friday by saying "the two days of liquid-only are really the days you'll see weight loss... so this will be no big deal" -- :(

So, I'm writing to help keep msyelf honest.  I'm also going to take a fast from Facebook -- I'll check for messages, but not spend hours like I have been -- maybe get back into blogging regularly, and not wasting the time on FB.
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In other news... I successfully synched my ipod to itunes -- apparently you're only allowed to have up to 5 computers per one ipod... I'm now on my 3rd computer (!?) Kinda bugs me.  But, that is a worry I'm borrowing from the future, so I'll let it go away.
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In other good news -- I've been wondering where in the world my lanyard for my Sweet Adeline event badges went... it has a lot of pins and things that I spend money on, and have been acquiring more pins and stuff... and yay - found it
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Other things that have been on my mind... Scrapbooking.

I love it.  I thought I was going to give it up -- but I'm not. I am going to keep it as simple as I can, however -- not keep every. single. thing. (read: scrap of paper) that has the most minute thing to do with anything I've done.  One of the reasons I have the piles of paper I have is that I want to memorialize it -- and since I thought I was going to stop scrapping, I stopped having a place to put that stuff... hence the messier mess.
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A lot has happened that I should tell stories about, but today isn't the time -- today is for organizing. I had to get a new computer (I had a big lesson this time on what it means to copy files over, as opposed to the 'picture' of the shortcut copied... oy. boy.), and most of my documents are in virtual file land, so I'm in the process of copying over files on the computer... listening to my 'high rated' songs on itunes, and then going through the piles of paper and putting stuff in things to keep stuff in *grins*!

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Accountability & De-Toxing

Have to get back to blogging regularly & tracking my food.  I was up 6 lbs from last Medifast Weigh in this last week -- and while there were legitimate reasons to be up (after eating my main meal, hot and water-retaining weather), there is absolutely no denying that I went off the wagon and have not seriously attempted to get back on.

So, I started the Medfiast De-tox today... My friend has done it twice since she started (she began MF in January this year) and loves it.  I'm quite head-achey and didn't sleep well, and left work after an hour and a 1/2 because I felt so sick.... I woke up at 3:30 am and only fell back asleep around 5am, to get up at 5:30. My head ached, my stomach felt sick, and I had no concentration.

The paperwork they give you at the Center is kind of confusing -- not easy to know exactly what I'm supposed to do, or when -- and after the strictness of the 5-and-1 Weight Loss so-very-well-laid-out-for-you information, I'm a little frustrated. 

There's some new faces at my Weight Loss Center, and D did a really great job of outlining the papers that I need to pay the most attention to...There are Detox supplements that I'm supposed to take twice a day -- along with the regular regular vitamins... then I'm allowed vegetables, fruit and whole grains (Hallelujah!), 3 to 4 servings a day -- NO Dairy (eggs, cheese, milk, etc), Meat, Poultry, Fish/Seafood, Salt, Sugar, Caffeine (can wean off caffeine for these first 2 days, so had some green tea today), Alcohol, Unbleached White FlourNo nuts or peanut butter, either. bummer.

Distilled water... and day 3 & 4 are lemon juice and maple syrup liquid-only days

Today I started out with 3/4 cup of Kashi Go-Lean Cinammon cereal (YUM!), I think about a cup of Almond Milk (which I'm not sure where that counts in the Veggie, Fruit, Whole Grain line up), 1/2-cup of blue berries... and about 5 strawberries.  YUM YUM YUMMY!! I've not (legally) had fruit for over 18 months.  I did have about 6 delicious fruit-stand-in-Gilroy strawberries on a day the first week June on the road trip with mom -- but that was the first time I'd 'cheated' with fruit, so having fruit is wonderful... and what a fabulous time of year to start!  It took all my supplements, but forgot I was supposed to be drinking distilled water -- so had my normal water with vitamin C crystals (probably around 20 oz before leaving the house).

At work, I had one packet of MF crackers (1/2 a whole grain), to see if that would settle my stomach... I fixed myself water with green pomegranate tea and Vitamin C crystals... and really was missing my coffee! Eating didn't help -- I was miserable.

On the way home I ate a few more blue berries, and another serving of the Kashi cereal, which I'd taken to work for a snack.  And then I started to feel slightly indigestion-ey... the cereal is the culprit, I'm pretty sure...

I was home by 9am, and slept until 1:30 pm -- still headachey, but not the weird stomach feeling, which was good.  I had 7 more strawberries, 2 packets of the MF Soy bites (1 whole grain serving), a small low-sodium V-8 (1/2 veggie serving), 1 cup of celery (1/2 a veggie serving), and 1 cup of green grapes (1 fruit serving).  I then cooked a cup of brown rice in the steamer, and served up 1 cup on a small plate -- and 1 cup of brown rice is HUGE... so I've been nibbling on that all afternoon.

It is 6:25pm, and I only have 2 veggies and a fruit left for the day -- and the rest of the brown rice.

I was given two food diaries... one is the normal MF one, and one is for the detox.

I hate being unsure of things.  Which is an issue outside of the realm of food -- most of life is unsure... no wonder I'm anxiou and frustrated. meh.
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Back to blogging.
It feels good, and I've missed it.
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In case you're wondering. Yes, I'm hungry.  But I'm supposed to lose between 5 and 8 pounds on the de-tox... so watch this space.  I think this will get me back to seeing the numbers go down, which will help keep me motivated to stay AWAY from the dark chocolate covered almonds. Regardless that a serving is only 18 carbs... who eats just 9?  People who are not mindless eaters, that's who.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Off Track... What Track?

Ouch. It has been a long time.

244 today.

Lots of Chocolate lately.  Better the last few days.

Walked on the treadmill twice this week... very proud.

It is now 9pm and I need to head to bed... so I can get early and walk.

For some reason, with my huge new monitor, and now with MSOffice 7, and my eyes older, the print is smaller on the blog. Kinda irks me. Not sure if I care enough to try and fix it.

To be honest... I'm getting a little tired of the technology. :-P  I like paper to read things off of, and I care about trees, but still need things on paper. Printed Out. On Paper. From Trees.

I'm pretty sure I need to get my eyes checked -- have had quite a few headaches lately, and think it is eye strain (cheap-o readers help me read my phone... uh -oh!).

It has been a rough time that I haven't felt like sharing with the world lately...

I'm extremely afraid of gaining back 100 lbs.
A Huge Amount of FEAR. Anxiety. Dread. Feelings everywhere... that keeping it off, maintaining, and making fitness a larger part of my life -- all of that is impossible.  I know it is a matter of changing my mind, and that is the slow, maddeningly slow, process of change. At least, I hope I'm changing. It doesn't feel like I'm any different on the inside.

I worry so much about things that I have no control over. Ha. Really.... like I have control over anything, really. Work has been rather frustrating - a lot of new stuff coming down, and I feel helpless when I don't know the answers to questions I don't even really know exist.  Then I get unreasonably angry, then I feel bad for being angry, and then that goes inward, and ooooh boy does the chocolate taste delicious.

So hard on myself. Have to remember that I'm enough. A work in progress. One Day At A Time.