Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Day 141 ~ Give Blood

Seriously. If you are eligible, and you are able, give blood.  It is something almost everyone can do to help during disasters such as the tornadoes, flooding and whatever is coming next.

Because there is always something next.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Day 138 ~ Down 8.8 lbs!

I'm now 270 lbs.  68 lbs are gone. My bp was 114/61 (yay!).

The craft class went well... I'm knackered... hopefully I'll have some time to post more this week.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Day 131 ~ I avoided the cheesecake

Today I scrapbooked for the first time in awhile... saw a scrapper friend I've not seen since losing 60 lbs, and won the "Grand Prize" of a $50 Gift Certificate worth of Creative Memories products.

I have had a good day.

I feel beaten and sad. I'm still feeling bad over something I did two weeks ago, and now small little things are annoying me.

I've walked 7 miles this week (YAY!).

I had a successful week of training for a new job ~ I'm now employed by the American Red Cross as a Telerecruiter for Blood Services... I've learned a lot about Regulations, Blood facts, and Consent Decrees. Well, not a lot about Consent Decrees, but a little.

My quartet had a fabulous weekend singing around town for Mother's Day Harmony-Grams, and now we're booked at a local bookstore in June to sing for *money!!* Woot Woot!!!!  And one of the hair salons we sang in was impressed enough to ask for a business card and hopefully some community opportunities will come from that.

My point: things are good. Writing this short list of good things helped REMIND me that I'm blessed. I'm still so thankful for losing weight, and Medifast, and my cute hubby... so these useless feelings need to say adios & sayonara!


Saturday, May 7, 2011

Day 124 ~ How Am I Doing It Exactly....?

I received a text message this morning from a dear friend asking me how I have lost all this weight... today I weighed in (on my scale) at 269.  That is 61 lbs gone! This week I've walked only 3.5 miles... compared to last week's 10+ miles that is not so hot... this morning's walk was 2.28 miles in 47 minutes ~ and I felt great! What was supposed to be a 2-day break became a 5 days in 7 break. I want to be careful not to let this happen again.  My goal is to walk a 15 - 17 minute mile, getting 3 miles in under 50 minutes.

But back to my friend's question: How I've lost the weight.  She doesn't live in North America... but I sent her the Medifast Quick Start Guide, which is an excellent overview with details of what leans and greens are allowed.

I eat 5 MediFast Meal Replacements a day. Sometimes I have an extra shake, or an extra bar. It depends on the day. I'm a lot less hungry now than I was when I started 4 months ago.

I drink 64+ ounces of water a day.  I try to get 32 oz in before I eat my MF breakfast.

I incorporate 5 TB of ground flaxseeds in my diet almost every day.  At least 1 TB every day (delicious in the MF Oatmeal AND it totally helps to thicken it up!)

I have an "Optional" snack just about every day... either celery with peanut butter, a pickle slice (or two), MF Soy Parmesan mini rice cake things, or MF crackers with Laughing Cow or WW cheese triangles.  Some days I have one or two string cheeses in addition to the snack. 

April was a big old plateau month... I wasn't exercising, and now with the walking, the scale has started moving back down.

I know I have more condiments than I should. As I get closer to my goal weight, this will probably have to change. Right now I have about 1 1/2 TB of half-n-half in my coffee, with 1 1/2 tsp of sugar free chocolate syrup (Torani). I don't measure or really count the olive oil I put on my veggies before roasting... I saw on Jamie Oliver's show to 'count to 2' while pouring Olive Oil... that works for me. And I don't always use it up. The only spices I'm concerned with are the ones that have a high sodium content... and of course, salt itself.

That is a beginning of how I'm doing it... I've not updated the food log page in ages, but it does give a pretty detailed description of what I was eating and when for the first 3 months.

* * *
245 lbs will be my halfway point. That is 24 lbs away. Seriously, can't remember being that weight... it sounds really bizarre, but the last weight I remember is 282 (passed that mark!), and before that... 155!! I must've been really unconscious for a long time gaining that much weight :-(

* * *
Yesterday I finally bought new trousers! Size 1X (18-20W). They are stretchy knit elastic-waist pants from Catherines... nothing binding... and they're just a titch tighter than I like... but I figure they need to last for another 3 months! I have a pair of 2X capris that don't fit yet -- they're linen-like and not stretchy... and while I can put them on.... I wouldn't wear them out in public, afraid I'd split them somewhere embarrassing if I moved too much *ha!* 

In other words, I know I'm not really a size 18-20 yet, but going down to the 1X is a BIG FAT HAIRY DEAL for me right now!! *Happy Dancin' Here!!* 

* * *
This week has been hell emotionally. I did a stupid thing, and made a mistake. I own it. I did it. I'm horribly sorry and contrite. I shouldn't have done what I did at the time I did it, and I could have done it differently. 

The week has been a horrible, sad, depressing gray week of feeling terrible about something I cannot fix or change, as it was my own deed that put me there.

Being human and not perfect ~ it really is a sucky sucky thing sometimes.  I hardly slept this week, and that was one reason I wasn't able to get up early enough to get a walk in. I hope that time will be the healer it has the reputation for, and now that I've forgiven myself for being human and making a mistake, that I will be forgiven.

But I didn't eat off plan, and I didn't overeat. I'm still losing weight. And that is still my first priority.
* * *

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Day 118 ~ Rough Day

I've hung up laundry from the dryer. I've loaded, washed and unloaded the dishwasher, I've unloaded the dish drying rack.  I've showered and prepared to go out this afternoon.  I've had two MF meals and a snack. Girl Week is starting today. I cried in the shower with the overwhelming feelings of having feelings that are overwhelming.

My life is good. I am so blessed. I am so thankful.

I have an inability to break jobs down into small, manageable tasks, and it is killing me. I read stuff all the time... how to de-clutter. how to organize. how to make labels. how to.. how to... how to...

And yet, no follow through.
* * *

Today is a rough day... full of pointlessness. I really really don't like days like this, and they happen more often than I let on.  I'll put on a good face, and fake it to the public.  But the truth is, I just want to sit and watch HGTV decorating and house hunting shows.  Or... if my desk was clean... play with some modge podge ideas.  Days like today it is hard for me to want to sing, and that is a dark day when I don't seem to find music.

I didn't exercise, but that was planned - I walked 10 miles in 8 days, from essentially nothing... so my body likes and appreciates the break. (Rascal has his opinion, however - ha!)

I'm having a very hard time disengaging from my commitments... and when I say "no more" I feel incredibly, horribly guilty.
* * *

This morning I was doing the "Do Your Values Align With Your Life?" exercise, from Live Bold & Bloom blog, and my top 5, non-negotiable life values (from a HUGE 3-page list) are:
1. Fitness & Health
2. Growth (which I align with words like Knowledge and Learning)
3. Faith (which I align with words like Optimism, Spirituality, Perseverance)
4. Fun (which I align with words like Playfulness, Recreation, Silliness and Humor)
5. Organization (which I aligned with Tidiness)

Number 5 was really hard to determine... I was fighting it the entire time... but I realize that so much of my crappy feelings come from what is, at bottom line, too much crap. Too Much Stuff.  What am I afraid of if I lose it?

side thought: so much of who I am has been defined by telling myself who I'm not. (which is directly related to not being my mom... who reads this blog -- and she'll know which parts I'm fighting, but that she is my rock, and my steadfastness of faith and integrity... so it wouldn't be the worst thing to be more like her!! I ♥ You Mom!) I've fought like a demon not to have a job or career that demands so much energy I don't have time for things I love. . . the weird part being I've never imagined a job or career that I would/could care so much about that I would WANT to devote so much energy to... except music, which -- well, that is another post altogether.

Creativity/Craftiness didn't even make the top 5 - it was on the top 10, however.

Within the Growth value I have put: learning more about music and how to teach it, and organic gardening and herbal remedies (those are the things I want to learn more about)
* * *

I have to leave now, this is by no means resolved... but as the weight is coming off, the other stuff is rising to the top, and I can't (or won't!) eat to cover it up... ugh. Just have to go through it and remember I'm doing the best I can (with what I have, where I am).