Day 87 (Barely)

Water Gain... I've lost 52 lbs as of Wednesday.

I promise to catch up this weekend... it was extremely difficult to stay motivated while I was doing everything "Right" and still gaining weight.  Now that I know why, I'm coming back to normal... but it is so very mind-blowing how a small slowing in momentum just is so hard to find again.

Thanks for all the kind words and thoughts...

My pants are really close to falling down *YAY*

Day 83 -

Boo.... Cats lost in the Elite Eight to Connecticut.  But What A Great Season! Go U of A Wildcats!!
* * *

I'm up 4 pounds since last Wednesday.
I've been eating right.. on plan.
I don't think Girl Week is too imminent.
I'm drinking water.
I'm sleeping.
I'm really feeling frustrated and angry about it.
I know better than to feel frustrated and angry about it... but hey, feelings are just there.
So maybe I'll take a cue from Lyn at Escape, who also was feeling like the scale was playing with her head, and not weigh for awhile.
I go to MF Clinic on Wednesday...
In the meantime, I've still lost a bunch of weight.
I still feel great!
My trousers are baggy freshly washed, and life is good.
* * *

Day 80 ~ The Good News & The Bad News

U of A Beat Duke!!! Go Wildcats....!!!!! WHOOOO HOOOOOOO!

That's the good news.
* * *

The bad news -- and more puzzling... I'm showing a one pound gain per day since Monday -- so yes, I'm up 3 lbs.  I've been on plan, not a lot of salt... there was one day when I think I was under on my water intake, and I'm getting less sleep... but other than that...?!?

I'm not cheating (though it is tempting if you gain while you're NOT cheating... it kinda makes you go... What the H*ll...?!), and I'm vigilant right now about measuring and weighing.

Hrmph.

Day 77 -- A Little Backsliding - Bah!

I ate dinner at 10:00 pm last -- didn't think I ate anything over limits ~ was up a pound this morning! Yesterday was somewhat active with the singing last night -- Saturday was a very active day with standing up and singing, and walking... and here I am playing with one pound again (!)

I guess this is the consequence of weighing every day. But I'm not to a place of confidence yet... I guess this is a confidence in myself.

I'm feeling good about myself with the eating, so I find other things to berate myself over. This is kind of one of those things I have been afraid of when the time came and I started losing weight ~ other "defects" (for the lack of a kinder word) would show up and become more obvious.  Maybe only more obvious to me, I realize, but beating myself up for not being perfect about eating and taking an active role in becoming healthier has always been an ACTIVE thing... getting up earlier (still not going to bed early enough 5 days a week out of 7) is a physical thing (like eating and exercise)... the ACT of these changes doesn't have to be a big mind game.

I think what I mean by that is that I knew that one day - some how - some way - the day would come when changes would be made and I would be on this weight loss journey.  I would then be ACTIVE in making changes - making physical choices in exercising and eating less and eating better.

Procrastination... or ~ allowing the inner brat to win most of the battles that go on in my mind... this is the issue that is underneath it all ~ and as the layers of fat cells decrease, the more this underlying mass of mind mess reveals itself.

I tend to focus on the good and positive things that are going on as a way of avoidance.  To be optimistic and cheerful, rather than dour and negative is just such a more pleasant way to feel.  Sometimes, I think, however, that I need to spend a carefully monitored amount of time (i.e., set the timer for 30 minutes or something) and GO THERE and feel those not-so-happy feelings. Then forgive myself and the situation (and/or the players in the situation that I may be feeling sour toward) and move forward.

hmmmmm.... now I have a weird feeling in my stomach.... a feeling of un-named dread.

Day 75 ~ Second Morning of Walking DVD

My first morning was Thursday -- St. Patrick's day... I'd eaten too much salt the night before and the scale showed a 4 lb increase (!) I thought, "I bet I could sweat some of the extra water retention off if I did some exercise...." and Voila ~ exercising has started!

Last Thursday I put in (for the first time) a  Leslie Sansome Walking DVD -- it is up to 5 miles, but divided so you can do just a mile at a time, if you want. Each "mile" is 12 minutes, which is less than my "You Can Do Anything For 15 Minutes" FlyLady rule!  In other words, it feels totally manageable and not overwhelming!

I felt great after 1 mile, so did the 2nd mile :-)  [and yes, 2 lbs came off after 30 minutes of the DVD!] She 'Bumps Up' the walking with light jogging in place, if you want -- I did a very very little -- probably would be better described as "Gentle Bouncing."  There's some side steps, and some step-touches, and walk up and back four steps... she adds arms about 4 or 5 minutes into it - so, no, it isn't just plain old walking.  But the music has a good beat, and I can go back to just walking in place at any time, which I did this morning.

This morning I was proud of myself that I put the DVD in again at 6:30 am (it took me awhile to get out of bed after the alarms started going off -- I think I got out of bed at 5:40am or something close to that -- went to bed sometime between 11:20 and 11:45 pm).  I only did a mile this morning - my shoulders are both really sore - not sure if was the movement from Thursday or what, but the arms weren't moving all that fast this morning.  My legs also felt a bit heavy for the leg lifts... and a mile with a little stretching afterward was enough for me this morning. After this post I'll be walking the dog for his 20 minutes around the block.
* * *

I got out the ice shaving machine in order to have shaved ice for the MF Soft Serve meal... I picked up a single packet of the peanut butter flavor - I think I have the chocolate right now -- in the summer I usually live on melted cheese on tortilla chips and ice cream -- once in awhile a salad would be thrown in -- nice big Taco Salad (YUM!) or a even yummier - a Frito Salad -- Yum YUM... so I'm gearing up for "Ice Cream" by testing the ice shaving machine and hoping it works after a few years of  non-use wrapped in a plastic bag in the laundry room :-)
* * *

Very Excited that Lyn from Escape from Obesity has posted some of her Tofu Recipes -- can't wait to try them!
* * *

I've been somewhat productive this morning: taking out the kitchen garbage; loading the dishwasher and washing most of the dishes, cleaning up the appliances himself used to make dinner last night (GF Grill & Steamer); folded the little pile of laundry that was mine and put it away; and now blogging.

But I'm still frustrated with the mess that is my room.  I don't want to move into my new room with my old mess... I have visions of neatness -- labels -- everything has a place to go 'home' to when it is time to be put away.

The whole full-time job is also nagging me -- my car has a $600 repair coming up; and my teeth are going to cost $800 after insurance.  Counselor was advising to hold off on the second job because I'm doing so well sticking with new habits and routines... not perfect, but doing really well in a steady holding pattern at least.  But I really am feeling awful about not contributing more financially to the household - and end up taking those feelings out on himself because he is working a lot of hours during this time of year; and yet I still resent him for not "Helping Around the House" yet he is the one holding the house together money-wise.

So while I'm making huge strides in healthy eating and cooking real food; and have lost almost 50 lbs; I'm also struggling with huge guilt that I'm not doing enough.  *sigh* So Tired of this mind game.. I know that is what it is - it isn't about anything my feelings of lack -- all the time.

I Am Enough.  I'm doing the best I can Right. Now. My best will change as I get stronger. But This IS my Best Right Now.
* * *

I let slide my tracking of time - and took a few minutes just now to log this morning's activities... keeping track of where I'm spending time is key to keeping up with the priorities.
* * *

Well -- exercising keeps a lot of the crap out of my head. So I'm grateful and proud that I did that this morning!
* * *

Himself's Gallbladder Status: He went for his stress test yesterday morning and his lung capacity gave out before his heart -- so we know that is good... the smoking is what got in his way there.  His blood tests have all come back okay -- his cholesterol is 200, which the doc said was good - but his "Good Cholesterol" should be higher -so he's to take Vitamin D & Red Yeast Rice... which I'd not heard before and have been starting to research.

He goes in Monday for another ultrasound scan on the little hernia he has around his stomach/belly button area; and then Thursday for a HIDA scan so the surgeon can see the Gallbladder more clearly. After that I guess he will meet with the surgeon.

I'm still feeding him beet salad, now with a little vinegar which he finds more palatable... he fixed his own dinner last night of chicken and rice with NO VEG for which I scolded him... "I couldn't find any" was his excuse -- such a large child! He just couldn't be bothered.  argh.  He's still only drinking hot water with lemon and now has a little honey with it.  He's a little achey, but fingers crossed he's not had another attack.

His taste palate needs to change toward healthier foods -- so I'm glad it is taking as long as it is to actually get to the operating table.
* * *

Day 74 ~ 48.8 pounds down!

Medifast Clinic visit on Wednesday showed a total loss of 48.8 lbs down total; 5-point-something down in the last two weeks.

Almost hit the 50 lb mark... will definitely see a 50+ loss by March 30th!

The moon is huge and beautiful tonight.

I spent the evening with some favorite ladies scrapbooking -- I actually haven't worked on a scrapbook in a long long time, and really enjoyed it.  I took a salad of grilled tofu, spinach, broccoli and the Flax Seed Oil dressing, and it was yum! I fixed a chocolate pudding shake to have with me, and still have another meal to do today.  I'm thinking another shake is sounding good -- or maybe try the Peanut Butter soft serve ice cream...

This is a packed-event weekend -- tomorrow the chorus has a performance downtown at noon; I'm going with a friend to the Scrap and Stamp Expo - and then going to St. Patrick's Weekend party... Sunday is quartet rehearsal, and solo performance (job/work) for the seniors.  This morning I took my car in to be serviced; and then dropped off a couple small bags of donation stuff at Goodwill.

Getting things from my house to the actual place of donation is a Big. Fat. Hairy. Deal.  It often rides around in my car for months!! I only had these things in the back of the car for a couple weeks, so I'm very proud of myself :-)

I got up too late -- it was a restless night last night... and I napped for about an hour and a half around 2pm.  It has been a productive day -- I started chicken marinating, and did dishes and loaded and unloaded the dishwasher... now it is time for bed.

My pants are getting really close to not staying up... it is VERY EXCITING!!!

Day 72 ~ Down 2 LBS!

The activity of walking in the morning and expending a lot of energy (sweating!) at chorus last night = 2 lbs gone this morning!

I was out too late and got up very late... but back to routine tomorrow morning!

Today will be a busy day... and a busy weekend coming up!

Day 71 ~ Habit Number 2 is Taking Awhile (!)

This morning was successful in getting up at 5:20(ish) - took me until 6am to get dressed (put on my exercise clothes) -- I did dishes and cleaned up a lot of the kitchen, took out some meat for dinner (still don't know what exactly I'm going to do with it... probably marinade and grill - in which case the marinade needs to be, like - now!),  made tea, drank water, made my MF Oatmeal, fed the dog... generally wandered around :-)

Then I took my tea outside after getting dressed and enjoyed a beautiful sky pre-sunrise... taking *at least* 10 minutes to just breathe, think about the day, things to do, being grateful ... generally not being in such a huge rush and letting things I didn't get done go ~ it helped!  The chores for today were taking out all the trash & recycling, and laundry. Neither of those things got done.  But I did take the dog for a walk for 20 minutes... we explored a new street this morning. I love looking at people's houses and yards ♥. 

Back at my house... I took to the side of the house the polar bear Christmas decoration that was broken and looking terrible.  Guilted!

Last night I made a 15-minute incremental log of how I spend my time - from 5am to 2am 9cuz that all fit on one page).  It took me over 3 hours last night dorking around with chorus videos and DVDs and trying to get a 15-minute video up from Saturday morning's coaching session took me well over an hour and a half... while waiting for the computer to do all its stuff -- I took the opportunity to create the time log (hmmmm.... wonder why?!)

Something I read awhile ago on some kind of productivity/follow your dreams type of post/blog I remember reading that keeping a tracking like this for a couple weeks (kinda like a food list, but for time) is a great way to really figure out where you 'lose time.' To look back and see how much time I'm taking on email, Facebook, Blogging (which is where I want/need to spend MORE time), doing chorus volunteer work -- and then the cooking, cleaning, sleeping, bathing, researching on the 'net for healthy eating ideas and exercise stuff, reading about frugal/simple living...

It kinda goes along with the whole heart change I had the other day -- in that really knowing what I want to do and accomplish will help me make better decisions when there is something I'm asked to do (volunteer-wise).

I love learning the tech-stuff, don't get me wrong -- but there are some other non-related things I really want to do too (make some cards for people who are having some health concerns, for one), and other promised commitments I've made that are more creative!
* * *

On the eating front - I was down a lb this morning -- but I've been playing with this pound for about 4 days, so until I get past it, I'm just plugging along! I don't think I'm going to hit the 50-lbs lost mark on Thursday (bummer!), but this only gives me more incentive to get out and move!

I've been better about staying on plan - drinking more shakes, and less on-plan overages.
* * *

Title of the post -- I've only managed to get up early about 5 or 6 days so far this month -- between himself's illness and staying up trying to figure out things he could eat, not getting my list of things 'to do' done, and then feeling a tickle of illness and the main reason: Not. Going. To. Bed. Early. Enough.  I was struggling.

Last night I went to bed at 9:40 pm and was sleeping 3 songs into the ipod.

I think wearing my medals every day is helping remind me why I'm doing it.  Geek that I am :-)

Day 69 ~ Tired in a Good Way

Yesterday's chorus coaching was awesome as usual.  The trick of course is remembering and doing what we are capable of (as shown by yesterday's singing)... how to inspire everyone to choose excellence every time -- to do their best 'first time out of the gate' - when the pitch is blown, the focus is there, the thought of "Air & Space with support" is there... the passion behind the words of the song ~ passion toward whatever the common goal for the unit sound... whether the song intention is *Havin' a Party* or *A Longing Yearning for a Loved One.*

Leaders can foster the environment and provide the tools ~ but like the proverbial horse to water; leaders can't make them drink.  The act of drinking (choosing to be excellent) has to be the horse's (our members, at whatever excellence level they are).

Does anyone out there have any thoughts or ideas on how to encourage and inspire someone who is happy with the status quo to strive to be the best they can be ~ all the time?

All The Time -- qualification... According to the Four Agreements - our 'best' changes from moment to moment, and there are times when our best isn't the same as our best from yesterday or what will be our best tomorrow -- but it is the best in that moment.  

 Perhaps my vision is blurred, my perspective jaded -- but I think there are a few horses who may be afraid to drink; that the water isn't going to be a refreshing thing, or they aren't thirsty (!) ... and they are perfectly okay with that.

But enough of that -- it was an inspiring day, and my back is sore and my feet hurt -- but all in a good way!
Plus, I was down a pound this morning, so that is good :-)
* * *

I've been slacking on my Food Log -- tsk tsk! Slap Slap -- this needs to get back into a daily thing! As with the regular blogging!

My Newest Habit: Going to Bed Earlier in Order to Rise Earlier and Get Some Chores & Exercise Done for the Day has waned.  I'm fighting myself.  I've been fighting getting sick the last 4 days - really sneezy - don't feel sick, just sneezy and blowing my nose 'with results' - if you know what I mean (!) -- so 3 cloves or garlic yesterday, drinking 2 TB of Apple Cider Vinegar (supposedly it is a natural help for Hayfever -- cuz it is Spring and there is nature stuff flying around outside, and dust was kicked up in the house this week while installing of the NEW A/C was being installed), taking Vitamin C, Echinacea & drinking even more water than usual.  I haven't been going to bed between 9:30 and 10:00 - and 10pm to 5am is only 7 hours as it is ~ ~ and I like 9 hours... as does my body when fighting off germs... so -- *heavy sigh* I have to be stronger about going to sleep!

I know some of it has to do with not getting done in a day what I hoped to get done -- procrastination falls into this; as does unforeseen circumstances (like a Gallbladder Attack or four in two weeks and having to really cook for himself, rather than let him eat processed food and high fat/salt stuff!). And putting my health habits first was pretty easy for two months -- now I have to put himself's eating healthy habits that we need to forge first -- and therefore things I want to do need to take a back seat to the things I need to do -- which wakes up my inner brat, who stamps her foot and demands her way more often than not.

*I just had a heart breakthrough, I think*

When I just wrote about "need to do"  -- I was thinking specifically of things I've signed up to accomplish in chorus.  I feel resentful of anything I "NEED" to do -- the rebellious feelings (that are still somewhat of a mystery to me of where they come from) roar up when they hear "NEED TO DO."

Yes, this is regardless of the fact that at some point I WANTED to do this -- and I lose sight of the motivation or inspiration or whatever it was that made me volunteer for whatever task it is that needs to be done and I WANTED TO DO IT.

This isn't a new thought - to "Change My Mind" -- but this particular one made the leap this morning from head to heart, and perhaps a breakthrough is happening about wanting to do these tasks again....! And keeping that 'Want To' attitude closer to my heart than in the past.

And perhaps... p.e.r.h.a.p.s. ... I will say "no" a little more often (?!?) Ha. We'll see.

Day 67 - Kaleidescope

So many things going through my mind!

So I quickly just jotted down everything immediately on my mind -- and no, I may not get to all of it in today's post(!)

First Up:
I'm down another 2 lbs! I was down 2 lbs yesterday -- Woot Woot WOOT WOOT!!

I did the math, and I'm over 1/2-way to being Half-Way to Goal! This is quite exiting for me! I'm not great at fractions, but this is a quarter of the way there, no?

On my home scale, I've lost 44 lbs. * Medifast Scale last week was 43 lbs lost, so I'll be excited to go up this week and step on! The past week has been difficult (that is a huge understatement), but I decided I'd get back into doing the MF Shakes some more - I've not had shakes in probably 4 weeks -- just got tired of them. 

I've been snacking on high-protein 'real food' snacks - and have still been losing, but I really wanted to have lost 50 lbs by this next weigh in at the Clinic.  So... I'm back to the shakes, and this morning's Cappucino shake with Sugar Free Syrups (1 TB Caramel, 1 TB Chocolate), and 1/2 TB Ground Flax Seeds was absolutely delish.  When I got hungry at 11:30, I usually eat a bar for this time of day, but went for the Vanilla Pudding and did a shake instead - nothing extra in it, and it tasted pretty good.

I know the MF Message boards say taste buds change over time on the plan, and re-visiting foods after a few months is a good idea ~ I didn't think that would be the case with the shakes, necessarily - because I didn't find them awful.  I think I just got bored of them - and it is easier to open up a packet of Puffs or a Bar, than get the ice, the water, do the blending, rinse the blender - wash the cup etc... nothing like a little mini-goal to shake up the lazy tendencies
* * * 

So this week I got a haircut - it is amazing how much lighter I feel! I cut my hair really short in 2009-ish, and love it -- I love having long hair to play with and curl... but the desert heat is miserable enough having to wear clothes, extra hair just adds to the misery. Maybe when I've lost the extra padding I will be able to deal with the hair... but in the meantime - my short hair was long enough to pull up into a clip = Too Long!  I also bought a new, funky pair of sunglasses, which make me smile just looking at them. When himself takes the progress pix today, I'll put them on for one of the pictures :-)

So - between the haircut and new sunglasses ~ I feel happy in my skin! Oh yeah, and the minus 4 lbs is a wonderful addition to feeling great!!
* * *

Trying on Old Clothes ~ this morning after my shower, I wanted to clear some of the old clothes from my closet (first reason is because I need a few more hangers) -- not just old 'fat' clothes (which I'm mostly still wearing because they're not huge-o yet, or falling down to the floor...), but clothes that I've not worn in a long time for whatever reasons. When I was doing that, I found clothes that I haven't worn because while I loved them (color, style, etc...) I felt fat. Then there are the t-shirts that are X-Large, 3X-Large and 5X.

The X-Large I tried on and want to take have taken a progress picture of it now because it is really tight... it'll be another really cool way to show how much weight I'm losing when it is loose and baggy (oh the happy happy thought!). The 3X-large is also tight - a lot less so than the XL of course, but still not something I'll be wearing too soon. I like my clothes loose ~ never have been a tight-clothing wearer... ugh! Especially trousers... bleh.

The 5X looks great, only it is way too short ~ only way I'd wear it right now is with a shirt underneath in case I had to lift my arms. 'Cuz there ain't any reason to subject people who have done me no harm with a picture of my extremely white, round tummy. nope. it just wouldn't be fair. not gonna do it.

All that said about t-shirts ~ the progress picture to be posted today is one of my favorite shirts that I've not worn in ages -- it is yellow (I ♥ Yellow) and so therefore, shows the selection of baked items under the fabric... you know, what kind of roll do you want today ~ jelly roll is my specialty!  But while there are some rolls under there, it isn't anything like it was 44  lbs Ago!! So... I put on the bra that keeps the girls up, put on some makeup, my haircut's all cute and short, put on my Sparkly Every Day Earrings and put on my favorite yellow top... and himself took the picture! It will be up on the progress page as soon as I can get it all together when I finish this post.  And I even had him take one with my new fun sunglasses.

Yes, I still have a long way to go. Yes, I'm feeling GREAT about the progress I'm making so far. Yes, I'm so very thankful for my step-dad and mom (every day) for giving me this chance to prove to me that I CAN stick with something this important.

There are about 6 tops I'll be taking to give away - a pair of size 30 pants that were too big when I bought them and never ever wore them outside the dressing room.  The next project is to go through himself's t-shirts and toss 5. Same goes with the bottoms.
* * *

Well, that is plenty of news for today. I am feeling absolutely fabulous. The health issues himself is dealing with has been a wake up call in a fabulous way... we are really starting on the path to healthier eating - and making strides with increasing his water consumption, smaller portion sizes and really cutting out processed food. We are now waiting for an appointment to see the surgeon regarding Gallbladder surgery. He's had a complete physical, and goes in a couple weeks for a stress test. While I wouldn't have wished him this kind of pain, to be honest; his willingness to really go forth and be healthy has been an answer to prayer for me. He had to come to his own conclusion ~ and I believe God knew what it would take. The Nurse Practitioner who saw him Tuesday morning asked him if I was a nurse (!) because I'd been doing the right things for him, and advising him the right stuff. So I think he has more trust in me than perhaps before.

So again, I'm incredibly grateful for this turnaround -- and now he's marking his weight loss on the calendar with me, and we'll start taking some progress pictures of him, too :-)
* * *

I've got some chorus duties to do... tomorrow is another all-day coaching session with the awesome Patty Cobb Baker ~ and this time we get to meet Jeff Baker, her awesome amazing (so I've heard) husband.

Which reminds me - One More Thing.
* * *

I've decided that I'm going to wear my Sweet Adeline medals as much as I can - every day. Especially when I'm walking and exercising! Not only will they remind me of one of the biggest motivators for me to keep losing weight and becoming more fit; but they will maybe spark curiosity in people to ask about them, and it can be a way to help market/publicize the chorus and the craft of barbershop singing.

This is our First Place Mid-Size Medal (the Pink Ribbon), and the Second Place Overall Medal. 

We compete again in April in Pasadena, and if things go as usual, we'll probably get a top 3 placement. The thing is ~ you really never know... And I'm one to not want to jinx or assume anything!

Scottsdale Chorus, Harborlites Chorus, and San Diego Chorus are our Region's BIG CONTENDERS and one or two, and sometimes ALL THREE of them are all competing at the International Contest (which is how Tucson Desert Harmony got to compete at International in 2009 in Nashville - because all three were out of the contest in 2008 due to international wins and current competition status).

The smaller-mid-sized choruses in our region are all doing wonderful things in growing members and increasing vocal skills -- and our laurels are NOT big enough to rest on!

But I digress. I want to wear my medals, and have them always in my sight as a constant reminder of why I'm doing what I'm doing. Why I want to get up earlier to get my exercise in and over with! Why I want to make time every day to sing and increase my vocal skills. Why I want to listen to peppy music and sing with it on the elliptical! To be the best I can be with No Excuses!!

Day 65 - the Curveball of Life

Well, I'm up one pound this morning, after being up 3 pounds then down 4 pounds over the last 2 days...(!) I KNOW I went over on eating veggies last night for dinner -- but I made a FABULOUS low-fat, tasty tasty dinner and ate too much of everything!  On top of that, I'd not eaten two MF meals before 10pm, so had to eat two more things before 10:30pm, which I'm really trying to get out of the habit of eating so late.  Add to that Girl Week started yesterday ~ which accounts for the 3lb up/4lb down hormonal normalcy.

I've not walked the dog, I've not gone to bed as early as I was hoping, and keeping a simple morning routine is proving challenging.

Of course, Himself having Gallbladder Issues is the curveball that kinda threw the routine... which is a valid excuse, but I need a faster recovery than anything in the past that has interrupted a good streak.

Himself hasn't had any coffee since Saturday morning -- and seems to be enjoying okay the hot lemon water. He's more likely to get that down than a glass of water with lemon juice in it.  We're not worried about having his Gallbladder out, but we're worried about a hospital stay.  So I'm encouraging him to start eating raw garlic now to help boost his immune system.

He got on the scale last night - and in two weeks the scale shows a 23 lb difference down! Men! He knows he was down a few pounds from what he calls my 'lack of bad influence' (as if!) ~ but no salt, no fat, lots of water... and being scared to eat anything I think has spurred him onto wanting to keep this up!

I'll post my tastiness later -- have to run!

Day 63 ~ Uh Oh squared

Up 3 lbs this morning... I'm wearing more clothes than usual, yes - but I have a feeling it was all the 'taste testing' of food while I was cooking yesterday!

I made Chicken Stock from a whole chicken that was the bargain price of $5 at Albertson's... and himself, after going to Urgent Care Saturday morning and getting anti-nausea and anti-bloating drugs, was miserable all day with incredible Gallbladder Attack pain -- so I was looking for safe things for him to eat.  I was giving him hot water with lemons, a beet-flax oil-lemon juice creation that supposedly keeps the bile thin; and a "Green Soup" which consists of steamed green beans, zucchini, parsley & celery then pureed together.  Odd, but not vile. 

Of course I taste tested all of that while I was making it Saturday... then yesterday I made him some brown rice, and it didn't turn out well, so I tried toasting it, and that was just weird... of course, tasting it the entire time... and then as I was cutting up the cooked chicken some pieces found their way to my mouth (but that is protein, which isn't such a bad thing).  I fed himself steamed green beans with a few leaves of spinach, the plain boiled chicken and the weird brown rice.

I had baked tofu last night, on a bed of spinach leaves. I probably went over on my oil amounts... but the tofu wasn't bad -- it crisped up, and half went into a baggie for a high-protein snack for later.

I woke up at 4:45 am this morning and am REALLY sleepy now!

Will try and catch up later!

Day 61 ~ Uh oh!

Himself is going to probably have his Gallbladder out.

I've been reading and looking into what that means, and there is much conflicting information out there ~ though there is agreement on don't eat a high-fat diet.

So... we may be doing the whole healthy eating change/focus before the gardening focus!  Yikes!

PS - Apparently I Don't Snore Anymore. . .

At least, himself says he's had to poke me to make sure I'm still breathing...

I may 'snurfle' quietly... but the snoring that would keep him awake if he wasn't really sleepy is gone... :-)

Whoo--- Hooooooooo!!

Day 60 ~ Really, it is!

Another pound down this morning.

I ate breakfast at 10 minutes to 6am, and this will change my whole day's schedule of eating.

Need to grocery shop in a big way... only turnips and a couple green onions left, oh, and a bag 'o lettuce that himself got at the grocery store a couple days ago.
* * * * *

Someone said to me (after reading some of this blog) that I seem to be hungry all the time. I have a couple thoughts on this... first, that I've been overeating for so long that my "full," "satisfied" and "hungry" meters are out of whack.

My Old "Hunger/Full" Meter and what I think it really meant.

Stuffed = "Happy"
Overfull = Satisfied
Full = Could eat some more
Satisfied = want more of the good stuff!
Almost Hungry = Bored and need to distract myself
Nibbly = Bored or Avoiding something
Moderately Hungry = How long has it been since I ate?
Quite Hungry = Haven't had any snacks, no food in site
"Starvin' Marvin" = So involved in something I forgot the time, headache-y
Past Hungry = Stomach Growling

Old Habits Are So Hard To Break! In the little chart above, the bold word on the left was the physical feeling, most of the time (Nibbly is the exception, rarely was I hungry if I was nibbly)... Past Hungry was having ignored hunger and let it pass after 15 minutes, and it goes away and then comes around again in shorter and shorter increments.  If I was that involved in something, obviously it annoyed me greatly to have to stop and eat!

My other thought: Wanting More Food isn't a sign of being actually hungry.  My head is so incredibly over-involved in what should be a stomach/body-only area!! And mind over matter is a truth for me. By that I mean that the power of our minds isn't known, and to change one's mind is the key to everything. Simple, but so NOT EASY! I think I may be saying I'm hungry, when in actuality I'm feeling the lack of being stuffed. I'm quite satisfied physically, but I still WANT MORE. It is a heart issue, a brain game... and a very hard habit to break.

Staying focused and resisting foods that are off-plan and off-limits for the time being is my habit, and right now I have to be steadfast in my commitment.  Shoot, it isn't just for Right Now -- staying focused and steadfast in eating moderately for FUEL and nothing else is for a lifetime.
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We're getting Air Conditioning next week!  Whoooo-HOOOOOOOO!

Day 58 ~ Down 43 lbs and 42 inches!!

Just another quickie this morning... still trying to iron out the wrinkles in my morning routine... I went to bed at 10:15 pm last night, and woke up on my own at 5am... tried to wait until 6, but nope... which I think is a GREAT thing! So up at 5:15 -- was vacuuming most of the house and done by 6:45 am - walking the dog by 7:15 am, looking at the grocery ads and cutting a few coupons while eating my oatmeal (this is a huge change for when I eat breakfast, and I know I need to eat something within 30 minutes of waking up... but it makes for a LONG day with LONG periods of time in between meals!!).  Gonna hop in the shower by 8:15 - have a dentist appointment for teeth cleaning at 9am -- and a voice student coming over this afternoon -- so have a lot to move/clear from my room before that happens.
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Had my body scan yesterday at Medifast -- will scan and post this week on the progress page!  Tomorrow is picture day ... my trousers still aren't falling down, but they're getting SO much closer!  I have friends who are offering me their smaller size clothes -- YAY! and I have a few favorite things that I kept to wear "when I lost weight" and so I'm thrilled that I may be wearing them in a couple months.

wow. 7 lbs away from 50lbs.  I'm really hoping to be 50 lbs down by next MF appointment (March 17). I'm kind of in my routine of what foods I like ~ and the shakes aren't my favorite... BUT I think drinking down my stock of shakes will help me reach that goal this week. Plus the starting of the healthy movement (as FlyLady refers to it!). 

I don't like to sweat. I don't like to huff and puff. I don't enjoy looking like a giant reddish purple *I don't know what to call it* which is what I look like when I exercise. I don't like exercising with other people. I don't like talking when I'm walking, I prefer to listen to music or audio download or be alone with my thoughts.

I like being up early and seeing the sunrise. I like walking the dog and just paying attention to him while we're out. I love how I feel when I'm done.
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I met with a college buddy yesterday for a couple hours before my MF appointment. She knows who she is, but I'm going to call her "B." She's 5 foot nuthin' and incredibly determined and focused and committed to things once she has made a decision.  Last March we had a talk about losing weight and fitness, and she (who did not appear fat to me) has lost 60 lbs (and I asked her where she was hiding it... because I didn't think she had that much to lose) but even more impressive is her 18% Body Fat (BF)! If I remember correctly, she started out at over 50% BF, and she started working out in June - 5 days a week for an hour.... always some cardio (mostly Zumba now, if I'm remembering right), and weight training every other day.

She's a single mom, raising two daughters who aren't yet teenagers - works a full time job and they got a puppy within the last year.

I'm inspired (I usually am after a conversation with her), and hopeful...  and she was sharing that at the beginning of her working out, she just saw the goal as so incredibly distant and far away and unreachable -- and now, on the other side, she's still amazed she's where she is. The veil has been taken away and she's living more life -- colors are brighter, and life is to be EXPERIENCED and LIVED, not just observed.

From my perspective of her (since knowing her in college) - she's ALWAYS been one who DID THINGS and lived life... very active, willing to work hard, etc... and it is amazing to watch her joyfully discovering a part of her that has been dormant for such a long time.
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Thanks so everyone who is sending me positive thoughts, prayers, energy and love. I can FEEL IT!

Day 57 ~ A little Behind!

Yesterday started the getting to bed early and getting up early... will have to report tomorrow.

Heading to Medifast this afternoon for the Official Weigh-in (Body Scan time!)