The Gym! and other Random Thoughts

I went to the gym yesterday.... YAY ME!

I spent 15 minutes on the elliptical (my favorite thing) and while I could have probably lasted longer, I didn't want to kill myself.  I've lost a lot of fitness since I stopped walking in June.

I did almost all the weight machines -- spent time looking at the 'how to' instructions on each machine... how to adjust the seats, where the little yellow 'adjust here' levers are, etc.  I did 8 - 10 reps of everything except the leg push (my favorite thing) - I did 3 reps of 10.  I spent about 10 minutes stretching on the floor (which was awkward... will have to find a better place to do that), and then spent 10 minutes on the recumbent bicycle.  My knees kept bumping into the handle bars -- which tells me I'm too big at the moment to ride them correctly. They're not long enough... but I don't like regular bikes... so the elliptical it is!

I also did the 10 minute hydro-therapy massage -- which is a nice way to end the session.

I am sore today, but not in excruciating have-to-groan-everytime-I-move pain... so I think I did well.

My knee is sore, so I don't want to go back yet - maybe will take a walk with the dog while my Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie Cheesecake Bars are baking. They sound devastatingly disastrous to my diet... but have to try them. Probably will take them to the Festivus Party I'm going to tonight.

Christmas Day will be with long time friends, and I'm to make dessert for 18. I made that much for Thanksgiving... but won't be doing the same thing -- should probably do the Pecan Pie and the Cheesecake again, however... so off to the grocery store for me.

I don't have a tree up.

I think I want the tree up.

Am so proud I got to the gym.  Now to make it 5 days out of 7.

Really... the whole month of November... lost?!

I'm in the middle of starting to reply to an awesome (inspiring) post from Live Your Legend (Scott Dinsmore), whom I discovered from Live Bold & Bloom...

To leave comments it asks for your website... I've posted at Capriccio the past couple days, but not here (yeah, who knew I had a second blog for posting not-a-lot lately... huh?!)... I always have to look up my link, so I open the blog I've posted the most often in.. this one... Walk, Breathe, Sing, Laugh & Repeat and am so embarrassed that I've said "I'm gonna do _________ [fill in the blank]...!!" so many times and nope. nothing has changed.

Why? I'm not sure... it is just one of the many things that are "To Do" and "Not Done."

I'm sitting in the middle of a paper hell --

• Receipts that need to be filed or thrown away.
• Music that needs to be entered into my music program (Noteworthy Composer) and then filed.
• Christmas cards that I want to acknowledge.
• Concert Programs that I've already scanned (thinking I could add them into itunes for 'Album Art' for a local concert I attended of which I have a music CD)... now debating on where it should go (am I going to continue scrapbooking?)
• Insurance and Investment mail from my work.
• Words to my sing-a-long show from the Senior Living Complex that I performed at in November (a missing sheet that probably should be thrown away or recycled).
• sticky note pads
• non-sticky scratch pads
• journals... two that I can see, probably at least 3 on the desk.
• Mail from the IRS probably related to the worker's comp stuff I have procrastinated about.
• Yeast-free pizza crust recipes I want to try
• Drafts of the show program I put together for the Tucson Desert Harmony Annual Show "Cool Composers & Holiday Warmth" on December 1st. Drafts. Garbage bin, anyone?
• Receipts. Oh, I mentioned those... but seriously, there are a lot.
• Ticket stubs
• Chorus roster
• Inspirational thoughts about life "Life's A Puzzle Literally." -- really cool thoughts on how we do or don't fit with others, with graphics.

And the non-paper items:

• Digital Voice Recorder
• Pictures
• A magnificently cute bracelet that is adorable but doesn't fit my wrist... I know where it should go, just haven't put it there yet, thinking, 'this time I'll be different and actually DO something with it so I can wear this adorable thing!"
• CDs that need to be named in itunes - I've uploaded them but haven't put the "Get Info" in there yet.
• Change that needs to be put in the change jar.
• White Out tape runner not put away.
• Timer (not quite dusty, but certainly not used often enough)
• Water bottle (I was going to be at the gym at 7am this morning, it is now 11:48)
• Squishy Toy
• Nail polish
• a book called "This Year I Will..." by M. J. Jyan
• another book, "ipod Fully Loaded ~ If You've Got It, You Can ipod It" by Andy Ihnatko

The funniest thing about why I've posted today... the comment I want to write regarding the awesome article on the LYL (Live Your Legend) blog is about focus, and needing it before you can do the amazing things he writes about in this fabulous article.

Really. (If you're reading between the lines... you're understanding the definition of insanity right now ... about how doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result is just crazy.)

I told myself I could buy his plan if I get to the gym today.

I'm dressed. I have my ipod synched, my water bottle filled, my gym bag packed. And the article (again from Scott...) that inspired me that 'Yes, Really!! I need to get to the gym' is the one about the one thing that these successful "Live Your Legend" types do...  they work out.

Like that is new.
Go.
Going.
Gone!

25 lbs

I've gained 25 pounds since my 100 pound weight loss that I accomplished on my birthday last year.

I'm now re-committed to lost 25 lbs between now and the end of November.

No Halloween Candy (it is what helped me off the no-sugar wagon a year ago).

Two days on the treadmill this week (haven't walked since June).

Tracking my food.

Pretty good day today - not perfect, but not the serious sugar-fest I've been having recently.

Gonna do a 5K November 3rd... helps keep me on the treadmill.

I think I finally understand that not everything I want to do can be done at the same time... priority is an actual fact that I have to accept... some things HAVE to be made a priority (food, fitness, time to prepare the food, cleaning the kitchen so I have space to prepare the food... you get the idea).

Fitness, Food & Singing.

That's all I have time for now.

Sunday's Quote

"We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are." ~ Anais Nin

I keep forgetting that no one has control over my emotions except me.

I keep forgetting that what other people do in reaction to me is about them, not me.

I keep forgetting that really and truly, it isn't all about me.

I keep forgetting that when I stop judging and pointing fingers, and begin accepting people as they are, and overlooking their shortcomings and human frailties*... that in this process ... a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

I keep forgetting to stop taking things personally.

I've eaten pretty good today... no real sugar... two more days to go to get the evil out of my system...

I haven't walked or done my arm exercises.

I keep forgetting that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.  However thirsty he might be... and however much you wished that the horse would trust you enough to take a step (not even a leap...) of faith, that the step lies within the horse.

:(

*and of course, this means that I hope to be accepted for who I am, with all my shortcomings and frailties too - as I have many.

Tough One

Today is rough. This last week was awful. Frustrating at work... Frustrated at self and so angry at my lack of self-discipline and follow-through, which of course, turns inward to depression.

Sucks.

Boring Titles Until I Get Back In The Swing...

I miss blogging. I really do.

I miss taking pictures of fun meals I've prepared... or even just especially good things we've made for dinner.  For example, Saturday night we grilled really good steak (from TJ's), eggplant (my new favorite food to grill - YUM!), some little sweet peppers, some mushrooms, and zucchini. I put mine over a few leaves of spinach, and added some Mexican cheese that is so good, the name of which escapes me right now.

I miss being focused on health.

AND YET -- how much do I love singing with the Scottsdale Chorus! O.M.W. (Oh My Word!)

It is a huge time commitment, and so very worth it! I can't describe the joy of learning and applying higher skills weekly. I've been driving two hours (four hours round trip) since the second week of June, and have a few more things to do before I'm officially a member -- they're going to be competing at Sweet Adelines International competition in Hawaii in 2013... and one of my main motivations for keeping the weight off and becoming MORE fitness-oriented is because I want to zipline and parasail and snorkel when we go to Hawaii next year.

So - I may not be as long-winded, or as photo-happy, but I need to stay accountable to myself for what I'm putting in my mouth!

I'll be updating the food log very soon!

Planning to walk/slow jog the Color Me Rad 5K in Phoenix on November 3rd. This looks awesomely fun!

Have September's FITNESS magazine with what looks like a great arm workout... and will be starting that tomorrow, along with getting on the treadmill *every day.*

And of course, my constant goal of going to bed early. Which means no mindless boob-tube marathons or 'fests' for awhile.

Quote for Today (Have I mentioned I adore quotes?!?)

"You have to speak your dream out loud." ~ Kelly Corrigan

Labor Day 2012

252.4
Blech.
Haven't blogged in too long.
:(

Accountability is Calling.

Self-discipline is Screaming...

Too much I want to accomplish to let my emotions lead me around by the nose.

Phil 4:13

Day 3 of Detox - the Distilled Water, Lemon juice & Maple syrup day

I failed my pre-fast yesterday... my boss brought donuts to work, and I was hungry :(  Not enough fruit and potatoes available to me in the world would have made up for how delicious the donut was... sad, but honest.  Thank goodness the two donuts left at the end of the day were gone by the time I went to take the box to the break room.

I failed twice.. yesterday, however; because after work, I went to the market to get real maple sryup (I bought some for last time, but couldn't find the bottle... weird), and some more fruit and veggies... and bought a chocolate cheese pastry.  FAIL.

Today I've done well so far - the lemon juice and maple syrup is pretty tasty, I have to say.

I want nuts, however.

I justified my big fails on Friday by saying "the two days of liquid-only are really the days you'll see weight loss... so this will be no big deal" -- :(

So, I'm writing to help keep msyelf honest.  I'm also going to take a fast from Facebook -- I'll check for messages, but not spend hours like I have been -- maybe get back into blogging regularly, and not wasting the time on FB.
* * *

In other news... I successfully synched my ipod to itunes -- apparently you're only allowed to have up to 5 computers per one ipod... I'm now on my 3rd computer (!?) Kinda bugs me.  But, that is a worry I'm borrowing from the future, so I'll let it go away.
* * *

In other good news -- I've been wondering where in the world my lanyard for my Sweet Adeline event badges went... it has a lot of pins and things that I spend money on, and have been acquiring more pins and stuff... and yay - found it
* * *

Other things that have been on my mind... Scrapbooking.

I love it.  I thought I was going to give it up -- but I'm not. I am going to keep it as simple as I can, however -- not keep every. single. thing. (read: scrap of paper) that has the most minute thing to do with anything I've done.  One of the reasons I have the piles of paper I have is that I want to memorialize it -- and since I thought I was going to stop scrapping, I stopped having a place to put that stuff... hence the messier mess.
* * *

A lot has happened that I should tell stories about, but today isn't the time -- today is for organizing. I had to get a new computer (I had a big lesson this time on what it means to copy files over, as opposed to the 'picture' of the shortcut copied... oy. boy.), and most of my documents are in virtual file land, so I'm in the process of copying over files on the computer... listening to my 'high rated' songs on itunes, and then going through the piles of paper and putting stuff in things to keep stuff in *grins*!

Accountability & De-Toxing

Have to get back to blogging regularly & tracking my food.  I was up 6 lbs from last Medifast Weigh in this last week -- and while there were legitimate reasons to be up (after eating my main meal, hot and water-retaining weather), there is absolutely no denying that I went off the wagon and have not seriously attempted to get back on.

So, I started the Medfiast De-tox today... My friend has done it twice since she started (she began MF in January this year) and loves it.  I'm quite head-achey and didn't sleep well, and left work after an hour and a 1/2 because I felt so sick.... I woke up at 3:30 am and only fell back asleep around 5am, to get up at 5:30. My head ached, my stomach felt sick, and I had no concentration.

The paperwork they give you at the Center is kind of confusing -- not easy to know exactly what I'm supposed to do, or when -- and after the strictness of the 5-and-1 Weight Loss so-very-well-laid-out-for-you information, I'm a little frustrated. 

There's some new faces at my Weight Loss Center, and D did a really great job of outlining the papers that I need to pay the most attention to...There are Detox supplements that I'm supposed to take twice a day -- along with the regular regular vitamins... then I'm allowed vegetables, fruit and whole grains (Hallelujah!), 3 to 4 servings a day -- NO Dairy (eggs, cheese, milk, etc), Meat, Poultry, Fish/Seafood, Salt, Sugar, Caffeine (can wean off caffeine for these first 2 days, so had some green tea today), Alcohol, Unbleached White Flour.  No nuts or peanut butter, either. bummer.

Distilled water... and day 3 & 4 are lemon juice and maple syrup liquid-only days. 

Today I started out with 3/4 cup of Kashi Go-Lean Cinammon cereal (YUM!), I think about a cup of Almond Milk (which I'm not sure where that counts in the Veggie, Fruit, Whole Grain line up), 1/2-cup of blue berries... and about 5 strawberries.  YUM YUM YUMMY!! I've not (legally) had fruit for over 18 months.  I did have about 6 delicious fruit-stand-in-Gilroy strawberries on a day the first week June on the road trip with mom -- but that was the first time I'd 'cheated' with fruit, so having fruit is wonderful... and what a fabulous time of year to start!  It took all my supplements, but forgot I was supposed to be drinking distilled water -- so had my normal water with vitamin C crystals (probably around 20 oz before leaving the house).

At work, I had one packet of MF crackers (1/2 a whole grain), to see if that would settle my stomach... I fixed myself water with green pomegranate tea and Vitamin C crystals... and really was missing my coffee! Eating didn't help -- I was miserable.

On the way home I ate a few more blue berries, and another serving of the Kashi cereal, which I'd taken to work for a snack.  And then I started to feel slightly indigestion-ey... the cereal is the culprit, I'm pretty sure...

I was home by 9am, and slept until 1:30 pm -- still headachey, but not the weird stomach feeling, which was good.  I had 7 more strawberries, 2 packets of the MF Soy bites (1 whole grain serving), a small low-sodium V-8 (1/2 veggie serving), 1 cup of celery (1/2 a veggie serving), and 1 cup of green grapes (1 fruit serving).  I then cooked a cup of brown rice in the steamer, and served up 1 cup on a small plate -- and 1 cup of brown rice is HUGE... so I've been nibbling on that all afternoon.

It is 6:25pm, and I only have 2 veggies and a fruit left for the day -- and the rest of the brown rice.

I was given two food diaries... one is the normal MF one, and one is for the detox.

I hate being unsure of things.  Which is an issue outside of the realm of food -- most of life is unsure... no wonder I'm anxiou and frustrated. meh.
* * *

Back to blogging.
It feels good, and I've missed it.
* * *

In case you're wondering. Yes, I'm hungry.  But I'm supposed to lose between 5 and 8 pounds on the de-tox... so watch this space.  I think this will get me back to seeing the numbers go down, which will help keep me motivated to stay AWAY from the dark chocolate covered almonds. Regardless that a serving is only 18 carbs... who eats just 9?  People who are not mindless eaters, that's who.

Off Track... What Track?

Ouch. It has been a long time.

244 today.

Lots of Chocolate lately.  Better the last few days.

Walked on the treadmill twice this week... very proud.

It is now 9pm and I need to head to bed... so I can get early and walk.

For some reason, with my huge new monitor, and now with MSOffice 7, and my eyes older, the print is smaller on the blog. Kinda irks me. Not sure if I care enough to try and fix it.

To be honest... I'm getting a little tired of the technology. :-P  I like paper to read things off of, and I care about trees, but still need things on paper. Printed Out. On Paper. From Trees.

I'm pretty sure I need to get my eyes checked -- have had quite a few headaches lately, and think it is eye strain (cheap-o readers help me read my phone... uh -oh!).

It has been a rough time that I haven't felt like sharing with the world lately...

I'm extremely afraid of gaining back 100 lbs.
A Huge Amount of FEAR. Anxiety. Dread. Feelings everywhere... that keeping it off, maintaining, and making fitness a larger part of my life -- all of that is impossible.  I know it is a matter of changing my mind, and that is the slow, maddeningly slow, process of change. At least, I hope I'm changing. It doesn't feel like I'm any different on the inside.

I worry so much about things that I have no control over. Ha. Really.... like I have control over anything, really. Work has been rather frustrating - a lot of new stuff coming down, and I feel helpless when I don't know the answers to questions I don't even really know exist.  Then I get unreasonably angry, then I feel bad for being angry, and then that goes inward, and ooooh boy does the chocolate taste delicious.

So hard on myself. Have to remember that I'm enough. A work in progress. One Day At A Time.