Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The First 5

From Monday the 8th of November to Monday the 11th of November I was down 5 lbs. This 5 lbs is one that is lost and gained pretty consistently -- so while it always feels fabulous; I know it is not an actual representation of weight lost. If 2 or 3 lbs is lost NEXT Monday (the 22nd) I will feel like I've actually lost some weight.

My day yesterday was a rough one... emotionally and eating-wise.  I had a counseling session in which I was told (for the second time in a  year), that I live in fantasy. Hrmph. Maybe I do. But eating 2 tacos at Jack in the Box (twice! The second time with a small curly fries) isn't the best way to process my absolute disagreement with my counselor's take on my life philosophy.

I shared my belief of  'do what you love, the money will follow' (attributed to Malcolm Forbes, I think) --and she completely shot it down. I didn't spend 15 minutes explaining that I know just loving something enough and doing it will not automatically cause the skies to flood with money to rain down on me.... but rather, to me it means find meaningful work that can lose yourself in because you feel passionate about it. Follow your bliss, as Joseph Campbell says.

When you follow your bliss... doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else.” ~ Joseph Campbell

And a Follow Up Explanation by him...

The way to find out about happiness is to keep your mind on those moments when you feel most happy, when you are really happy — not excited, not just thrilled, but deeply happy. This requires a little bit of self-analysis. What is it that makes you happy? Stay with it, no matter what people tell you. This is what is called following your bliss.” ~ Joseph Campbell

So, what does this have to do with my weight and eating? Everything. To stick with (succeed!) the goal of losing weight - a big huge goal of 151 lbs means a long road to travel, full of emotional ups and downs and inward exploration that will be a B i G-fAt-HaIrY-D e A l for me to conquer the sabotage of myself by dulling my emotions with food. I've been seeing a counselor for a little over a year because of what she thinks is bi-polar behavior, what might be ADD, but really for whatever it is that prevents me from "being successful" in a career job making a decent living. I haven't ever been in a job for more than 3 years. I get bored... I hate the mundane routine and repetition of 'same thing, different day, different people.'

I am most certainly an instant gratification girl -- and losing weight is most certainly not an activity that satisfies that childish demand. I'm not lazy - I do a lot.  For things that I care about.

My response to not liking what she said resulted in a 76.5 point ww day. (Which blows the Flex Plan Weekly Allowance Points out the window until Thursday!) I did walk one lap around the park (.62 miles), and spent some time praying asking for discernment and wisdom with what was said to me today. I am a Christian, and I believe God has a plan for my life - mainly to do with the talents He's blessed me with (to which I keep saying no and running another direction). So perhaps today I'll keep the points to a minimum by drinking juice for my blood sugar and eating salad and veggies... while I continue processing my life so far.

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