As Usual...

... I'm making what I think should be a joyful process of discovery into something much more complicated. This is what we get for having preconceived ideas, I guess.  Each of our processes is different... give myself some grace.

And yet....I keep coming to the same conclusions... and that just hacks me off.

I want to do it all.

Right now.

Instantly.

No Process, thank you. Instant Gratification Only -- (says the inner 6 year-old stamping her foot.)
* * *

Some good things have come out of this most recent mind-f***.
I think. 

Definitely some clarification after the massive ball of hurt and pain recedes.

Why oh WHY does it have to hurt to grow?  Do we hear the plants moaning and groaning as they make their way from seed to sprout to flower? Nooooo.... just us whiny humans.

hrmph.

end of whining (for today).
* * *

Anything that distracts me from Health & Fitness and Music (singing) is distraction.

I'm considering thoroughly what brings me ACTUAL happiness, not things that I think make me happy... if you think about it, there are definite differences between the two ideas.

ACTUALLY HAPPY LIST:

• Having a pet (dog!)
• Spending time with people who love me in the way I want (need?) to be loved.
• Spending time with people I love.
• Singing/Performing in a quartet (small group?). A good group. With people I have fun with.
• Performing theatrics with an ensemble (stage/theatre, chorus, quartet)
• Giving (giving cards, giving hand-made items, seeing things that I think people would like and getting it for them...)
• Looking at photograph albums/memory books
• Teaching/Sharing things I know with others who are interested in it.
• Labelled Things. I love labelling and "Being Organized." With lots of colors - paper and pens.
• Pizza
• Cookies

The I-THINK-IT-MAKES-ME-HAPPY-BUT-IT-ONLY-REALLY-BRINGS-ME-STRESS LIST:

• Making cards (fun, and I like doing it once in awhile, on a small scale, but will keep 5 sets, music and celtic and some meaningful quotes/sayings, some pre-folded cards and envelopes, and some colored paper... and a few other tools, but will pare down considerably!)
• Scrapbooking (in the way I have... photos and looking at albums with stories/journalling brings me actual happiness, so I need to pare down the 'tools' and get back to basics!)
• DIY - Doing It Yourself. Love looking at things people can do, love to think "I can do that!" (and I can), but the realistic-actually-DOING-it-part... ummmm.... not so much. I'm talking painting, decorating, hanging stuff on the walls, creating my personal space... I like the *idea* but not the follow-through.
• Being part of "the inside group" - be it the "Management Team" or "The Board" or "The XYZ Group"... I like being 'in the know' but not on the inside.

 * * *

HACK AWAY AT THE UNESSENTIAL.

PERFECT IS THE ENEMY OF GOOD.

ANYTHING THAT DISTRACTS ME FROM HEALTH & FITNESS and SINGING/MAKING MUSIC/IMPROVING MY CRAFT IS DISTRACTION.

* * *

I like the photo a day thing - I find it is helping with some of the clarifying. I don't have to do every. single. day.

I will try, and I will falter. And that is okay.

Prompt for today was "T" ~ so I thought of representing my Bravvo Productions Tour! 1992, a small van carried 4 people and pulled a trailer and we sang and danced and improv'd our way up and down the east coast from Key Largo to Boston. Best decision I ever made was to quit my job and do this for 3 months. Money was awful, but the experience was fabulous. Can't believe it was 21 years ago!

* * *
So.... new habits on the horizon.
Decrease is the word.
Goal: To Live My Passion
Action.