Restart - Part II - The Sequel

Today is it.  I took pictures... downloaded the C25K app and am feeling ready.

When I was saving the photos to the file, I saw that last year, on July 29 I took pictures for a restart... to juice.  I've gained 18 pounds since last July... which, considering how many pounds I've gained back *in total* - I feel not so bad about.

I'm essentially 20 pounds away from the 338 that I started with at Medifast on January 4th, 2011.
I didn't weigh this morning - but a few days ago I weighed in at 319.  This last 9 pounds since the last time I weighed have stopped me from being able to sing a phrase without being out of breath. 

So I begin today.

So far:
hot water with 1/2 freshly squeezed lemon, stevia
a protein bar
water
Juice (2 glasses by 2:30pm): 1-1/4 green apple, 10 carrots, 1 long cucumber, the last few pieces of celery, the other half of the lemon, and a bunch of mixed super greens.  It makes about 2 mason jars full of juice.
I think I'll have himself's vegetable soup for dinner.

The Couch to 5K program is 8 weeks. I'll start that tomorrow (a Friday) and do it 3 days a week - Monday, Wednesday, Friday and start working out with the bands on other days.  I also want to put in the Tai Chi video and see how I do with that. Lofty Goals!

I like the 8 week thing.  I have a Sweet Adelines singing weekend coming up next weekend in cooler climates ~ which means higher altitudes... It would be great to juice the next 5 - 7 days and get these troublesome 9 lbs off!

Health... It is What is on the Front Burner

To bottom line it...
Without health ~ well, everything is just that much more difficult.

Here's to a new Weight Loss Journey.

Creative Genius

I just watched a TedTalk by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of "Eat, Pray, Love") and in the middle of her talk I had a storm of emotion race through my mind and body and in the path behind it left behind some internal destruction.  She said at the beginning of the talk, "Is it rational to be afraid of doing the work you were put on this earth to do?"

This is profound for me. Asking a rational question regarding doing my passion (which isn't Real Estate, for what its worth) as my work. My Job. This isn't a new idea or thought for me, not at all. But her presentation and that question - from my perspective and belief that we all have something to contribute to enhance and help others (i.e., 'make the world a better place')... well, this question cut to the chase and poured salt in my personal wound. This itch (need) that I only scratch - which only makes it bleed; this itch (need) - to contribute creatively (through music) to the world - is becoming infected. I have been unsuccessful in 'stitching it up to heal neatly.' Rather, I've ignored and distracted myself with other roads I've taken in order to "be sensible" and "be rational."

I really have not been honest with myself.

I signed up for the Scott Dinsmore's Live Your Legend (not sure what to call it) Course a couple years ago and have been putting off  'doing the work' to really engage in the 'assignments' and 'homework.'  I did read an email as a participant of this course recently, which linked to a blog post that had a list of things to think about doing, and I started to narrow my focus on how I can use my passion and talent to maybe create a living. I jotted the following down on the back of an envelope.

Music - specifically singing.
Everyone can sing. Everyone (probably) wishes they could be better, even with no intention of singing for anyone else. Ever. I can help you with that.

After 10 or 15 minutes of hard crying, I feel refreshed, exhausted, inspired.  The things I wrote down while in the middle of this storm were:

anguish. torment. capricious. storm of tears. crazy. break between rational and passion - living my passion. conflict. "right thing." be sensible. I'm afraid. DO YOUR JOB.

Writing is More About Editing... Yes? Life is about that too.

I don't have a problem writing - it is the "know when to stop" thing that kinda gets in the way. Sticking to a particular theme for this blog has long since gone away - now that I've gained all my weight back (130 lbs), as I'm not focused on 'The One Thing' any longer, any subject is fair game.

Focus is not over-rated. At least not for me. Losing focus hasn't been an advantage.

"You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage - pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically ~ to say NO to other things. And the way to do that is to have a bigger YES burning inside." ~ Stephen Covey

Then I found this blog post about juggling your passions like pots on a stove (and goes as far as keeping other projects in Tupperware in the fridge...) and while I adore the thought that I can do that, I know that it doesn't work as well for me - I have been trying for a long time to do "everything at once" - for lack of better words - and end up feeling entirely too overwhelmed and quitting everything.

So... bringing it in to the title of this post ~ Editing is about choosing what is necessary to be communicated - what is essential within the framework of the project (essay, book, blog post...) that you want to say.  Liken this to life (not a new comparison, I'm sure) and the life you want to live; and minimalism (or, rather simplicity and living with less - a la Courtney Carver and this post which really spoke to me the other day...) Living Intentionally. Being More With Less. Hacking Away at the Unessential. This is my goal. And this road is long, emotionally taxing, simple to say and not-in-any-way easy. I'm spending so much energy on it, that other areas of my life truly suffer.

One thing at a time. A Burning Yes that over-rides all others... Kinda like the "secret to life is one thing" from the movie City Slickers, right...?
I printed out the Zen Things... which sits above my desk, but look at my desk:

The Dissonance between Zen Things & My Desk

It is still better than it has been before, and I give myself "Atta-Girl!"'s because I can actually USE it, but there are 5 things "to do" or "in process and undone" sitting on it.

#1 on the list: "Do one thing at a time" (um, can we say, fail?)

The one thing that should be overriding all of this is losing the excess weight and feeling healthy and fit(ish).  Eating Less of the bad stuff (reading "Why We Get Fat" by Gary Taubes is a good start) so I can physically fit in my Tiny House with just the essential stuff...

My head hurts from thinking about it and going in circles. On the other hand, I do happen to have #8 down perfectly, on the Zen List, however (just in case this post is too depressing) ~ "Devote time to sitting."

I've failed at editing 'the perfect post' - and life is real... it is a real struggle (for me) in making daily choices of priorities. Keeping in mind my own "one thing." It seems to change daily. So many things are racing through my head right now, so I'll edit in as much as I won't go there publicly yet... maybe some journal thoughts first.

Finish the book. Take the Real Estate Test(s). Abstain from Flour, Sugar and Starch.

Okay, not the "Do One Thing At A Time" - but there are 4 burners on my stove, after all...

An Idea Worth Pursuing

Seth Godin's Blogpost on Job/Career as "Projects" as opposed to Long-term affiliations... That kinda seems like how I've approached work as an adult...

A worthwhile thing to do might be to go through my life's "Projects" and discover the top 2 or 3 ideas, relationships and/or lessons learned from the experience... and write about it!

hmmmm....

Feeling The Love

My Will-Call envelope for the Triple Crown Barbershop Show on June 29th.