Friday, October 21, 2011

Day 292 (Eeek -- How is it almost Halloween?)

240.0 This morning.  4 lbs away on the Medifast Scale from 100 pounds lost.  (Started this journey at 338).

A bit disappointed that I'm hovering around this number for so long. BUT... my love for TJ's Almond Butter with Roasted Flax Seeds and the realization that I'm an abstainer (keep reading)... have contributed, among other regular life things, to being in this holding pattern.

On being an Abstainer (vs. a Moderator) -- Samuel Johnson said:
"Abstinence is as easy to me, as temperance would be difficult."
How I came to this realization: I brought chocolate in for my team at work -- we were having a tough month  [plug here: Please Give Blood... and if you can't, please encourage those who can to do it....], and so for every appointment for a blood donation, they could have a small piece of chocolate. The Halloween candy had just come out, so it was easy to find bite-sized treats.  I was fine resisting until I started on the Dove Dark Chocolate.  Then I had a couple of the bite-sized Reese's peanut butter cups, then the chocolate kisses.  The final straw came when I bought a bag of Tootsie Rolls at the dollar store, as a final test to see if I could just have the serving size (28 carbs) and leave the rest alone. And at the end of the day the entire bag was gone.  No, it wasn't a huge bag - it was the $1 store... but I've learned, without a doubt, that in these things it is easier for me to say NO altogether, than to be okay with just a few. In other words - this is why I have to say I'm an Abstainer, as I'm not moderate about much in my life... especially food.

Eating out in restaurants... sharing desserts is okay because once it is gone, it is gone -- and 2 or more people have helped. For me to order my own and only eat a few bites, or only eat half of it -- nope, not so much.

The Happiness Project blog is what brought this to my attention, and I'm for sure an "All Er Nuthin'" Girl! Which kills me... because I firmly believe that balance and moderation makes for an easier, fulfilling life... but apparently not for me. And I know I'm not alone... and what a bummer that I struggle with that 'never enough' issue. I'm sure there are some wonderfully deep psychological reasons for it... and perhaps as I continue on this journey this aspect of my personality will change.  In the meantime, limiting my access to 'off plan' food is the only strategy that will work to keep losing
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I took days off this week to clear stuff out of my room... and to listen to the Sweet Adelines International Webcast of International Contest in Houston, Texas that is happening this week.  What a wonderful thing this technology we have (I truly have a love/hate relationship with technology...)

It is such an emotional thing to get rid of stuff. I love George Carlin's comedy routine about stuff -- so true.  I've been collecting books and articles on questions to ask when trying to decide what should go and what should stay.  The most helpful hint I've seen is "If I agonize for too long --> THROW IT OUT!! Don't make the decision whether to toss or keep a difficult one!"  This one helps as I start going through stuff.

December will be my last senior citizen craft class -- I'll give them my ideas for future craft projects, and anything that I may have that I haven't already donated.  I'm sad, but it is also a relief.  Part of discovering who I am again (now that layers of extra weight are gone), is continuing to ask myself what it is I want.  And the answer is always the same - music. My emotions are so strong about music and singing and what I want to be able to do... more on that later.

I've taken a small load of craft supplies to church... and my goal is to get pretty close to having all my scrapbooking supplies fit into one bag - and one bag for the album and pages. My cousin-by-marriage has reduced her scrapping stuff to this, and it just makes so much sense.  Harder will be getting rid of memorabilia I've been saving....  It was more important when I was living in Scotland to scrap. And as I've lost weight I realize that I was scrapping to re-live good times, that it was a way to validate myself and keep my emotions 'up' with the good memories.  I'm living a little more in the now, I think.

I do plan to keep on making cards and stamping...and there is a big cross-over in the supplies that it takes for that and scrapbooking... so it won't all go away (!)
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I need to get back to regular posting... it helps me.  And pictures (though not much has changed in the last month).  I did finally make some muffins from the Medifast pancakes and different muffins from the eggs, shakes, & oatmeal... it has been a nice change to have "toast" with a bit of butter!

This is a weird, disjointed post -- I need some time away from the computer now, so it is what it is. :-)


Jennifer said...

You are so close to 100 lbs down! You can do this!!!


Desert Singer said...

Thanks Jennifer... :-)


Forty Pound Sack said...

First of all - yay you for all you have lost! That's a heck of an accomplishment. I'm the same as you when it comes to all or nothing. I find it's best for me to avoid certain things all together. I can't stop once I start.