A great podcast. Some insights. A new podcast on iHeart Radio to subscribe and listen to... "Really, no, really" is also on YouTube.
I'm in my AirBnB which has no comfortable seating for me. The bed is comfortable and I'm sleeping well... but the uncomfortable couch is too low and hits my legs wrong... the "comfy" chair is too low and I don't trust that it won't break with me sitting in it. The dining table (dinette) chairs are terrible - I have my cushion which helps, but midday I end up going to take the dog to my house and leaving her in the yard... she won't pee or poop in the small postage size yard off this very cute casita. She spent 19 days in the kennel and she's just so happy when she's back in her back yard! After the tiling guys finish for the day I go into the house to sit in my recliner and veg out watching tv. I booked the casita for 26 days and it is 80% great.... but not comfortable.
Nothing. NOTHING... is very easy or simple or even normal right now.
But I hold on to hope. I know "This Too Shall Pass." I know "It'll be alright in the end. If it's not alright, its not the end," Truly. But sometimes each day is just a waste. I'm not journalling. I'm not doing very productive things. Then I remember to give myself some grace because grief isn't sensible. It doesn't go in a straight line, and grief brain is real. Each day is different. I forget a lot of things. Prioritizing wasn't a strong trait before ~ lol, now it's almost non-existent.
I'm sitting at the uncomfortable table, getting ready to head over to the house, so this won't be a long post... but I do want to start some serious life/talk therapy/counseling. There's a lot I want to dig into who and why I am. I don't think I remember a lot of my childhood - so maybe just start with some random recordings of memories to journal about...?
I ordered some walking poles... hopefully they will give me some confidence to start walking again, since I'm worse off than I was back in June, it feels.
