55 Things I Love About Myself ~or~ Happy 55th Birthday to Me

When my person, Penny, was turning 55 (I think it was 55), her husband asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She asked me if she could tell him to call me for some suggestions. She told me I was a great (and creative) gift-giver... For what it's worth, she was so fun (and easy!) to find gifts for - I still have things I bought with her in mind, even though she passed away in 2018.

So he called me, and one of the suggestions I gave him was that he write down 55 things he loved about her.

And that's what he did... she said it was the sweetest thing, and even if there were some repeats on the list (lol), she absolutely loved it. I'm sure there were some other gifts involved, but I was always pleased with myself for coming up with such a romantic and fun idea (if I do say so myself, ha ha) and planned to do the same for people in my life.

Today is my 55th birthday, and I don't think anyone is going to be writing a list of 55 things they love about me, so I'm going to do it for myself. Self-Love Baby!! Yeah!

Today marks what I've been calling my "Grand Slam Birthday" aka known as the Denny's Senior Discount Birthday ~ 55 is when the 10% discount kicks in. I had originally planned to have my friends meet me at Denny's for Brunch on my birthday at home - but my Thanksgiving plans were hijacked by the plague, so I ended up coming up to Phoenix-area to spend the day with my mom and step-dad.

It's a good thing, actually (even though I'm still really bummed my original plan was overturned), because it is "Black Friday" after Thanksgiving Day, and I can't say enough about how much I detest going out 'there' when it's even more "people-y" than usual - ugh... and going to brunch at Denny's would have probably been more crowded than usual. So while the actually DAY of celebration isn't happening... I still see a Denny's Brunch to Celebrate Carrie's 55th in the near future.

But I am procrastinating my list...

I love me because...

1. I don't give up easily.

I made my own college graduation announcements (because the money was running out) and I put this Calvin Coolidge quote on the front:

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts."

I may not be consistent, and I'll 'take a pause' - and maybe sometimes I won't even make an attempt, but when I decide to...

!! How very interesting and self-defeating that as I'm writing this first thing, my head is absolutely sabotaging myself! I'm remembering many times that I quit. !!

* I just added "easily" to that first sentence. It's more honest. When I finally do quit, it's only after a lot of thought, heartache, guilt etc...

2. I am thoughtful of others

3. I organize events and gatherings that bring people together

4. I am creative

5. I am constantly trying to improve myself

6. I have learned that "what other people think of me is none of my business" (80% of the time)

7. I keep trying... this isn't the same as not giving up, is it? Sometimes what I'm trying are altogether different things. Hmmmm... maybe it's the positive way of saying the same thing.

8. I am optimistic, with a bit of realism for balance

9. I keep in touch with my friends.

10. I am efficient as I can possibly be ~ when left up to me

11. I do my best to help others succeed

12. I daydream

13. I don't follow the crowd (fashion, trends, 'must haves' for ______ fill in the blank), I often have to use urban dictionary to understand social media posts (Reddit, mostly, ha ha).

14. I am an independent thinker

15. I don't succumb to peer (societal) pressure, I will walk away (avoid)

16. I am strong

17. I am empathetic

18. I understand most people and situations intuitively without having to be told specifically

19. I am intuitive

20. I trust my gut (intuition)

21. I like a variety of vegetables (lol)

22. I prefer 'casual' over 'uptight' ~ comfort over fashion ~ relaxed over restricted

23. I like to have fun

24. I can be extroverted when necessary

25. I am an "ambivert" - I do need quite a bit of alone time

26. I'm never bored ~ there's always something (educational or entertaining) to do/read/create

27. I love to learn

28. I allow myself grace when I don't accomplish a goal

29. I am a natural teacher

30. I love to teach 

31. I love that when I'm teaching, I believe I'm learning more from those whom I am teaching

32. I am generous whenever I can be (time and money)

33. I am deliberate with whom I trust

34. I am a good writer

35. I am a very good singer and musician

36. I (like to believe) I'm open to new ideas ~ but am not sure if this has actually been truly tested

37. I see small details 

38. I see the big picture

39. I have faith in Jesus

40. I have good hair (thanks Dad!)

41. I can be sneaky (lol)

42. I do my best 

43. I am getting better about doing hard things (this list is a very hard thing!)

44. I am taking steps toward increasing my health and energy by eating Whole Food, Plant-Based, No Oil, No (processed) Sugar & very limited added Salt

45. I do my best to not judge others, especially without knowing their story

46. I have a great sense of humor

47. I dig the "deeper discussions" on the 'whys and wherefores' of why we are who we are, what makes us this way and all that goes with those thoughts and conversations

48. I don't let go (this can be a double-edged good/bad thing... today it's a thing I am choosing to love)

49. I sing in tune (this means that while there may be some 'flat notes' in my singing line, I don't flat the song when singing by myself... as for the group I'm with...? Well, that's not something I'm in control of, generally; but "me, myself and I" do not flat)

50. I am critical (more toward myself than others; but hold others to the same high standard I hold myself. Again, choosing to love myself for this trait that can be a double-edged good/bad thing. See 55 bonus*)

51. I have traveled and seen and lived in other cultures, other ways of living and know I have been enriched and educated, inspired and amused because I can step outside of my culture - which I love and am proud of, don't get me wrong - but because of travel I am a better overall human and world citizen because of this one thing

52. I have stuck with my current career (Real Estate) the longest I've ever done any full-time job.

53. I have increased my income while still continuing to work at a pace I am comfortable with and which gives me time to still pursue my "hobbies" 

54. I am sensitive

55. I did this list! (yeah, maybe this is a bit of a cheat, lol, maybe... but I'm still loving myself for thinking of it and then actually DOING it... not just keeping it in a "good ideas" or "someday" folder)

55. bonus* I love than I understand that there is always someone better/worse than me... richer/poorer... smarter/dumber  etc... and that I'm learning to see them all as a child of the living God. We are all His children, regardless of how someone lives his/her/their life. Some days this is easier than others, but going back to having faith, I have faith that I am forgiven, and loved just like all the others here. 

  

Challenged

I just had a short but good (sometimes hard) visit with my family in a different state. My nephew graduated high school (as a state National Honor Society and school NHS member!) and so the family gathered. He has a scholarship to a local university and while he doesn't (yet?) or hasn't (yet?) shown a real passion for a particular path - he plans to study science and music. We are proud of him, and I'm eager to see what path he ultimately will walk.

My niece, his older sister, is "doing it." What I mean by that is she had a vision, an idea and a goal to grow organic vegetables (tomatoes, to be specific) 'off season' and be able to provide these veggies by selling them at her stall at a Farmer's Market. And I'm so incredibly proud that she is DOING IT!

She is young, she is doing it her way, she's learning a lot of things and has had tons and tons of family support! She has an uncle who is a Regenerative Farming expert and who has, I suspect, been instrumental in her success thus far. I'm so proud and happy for her!! 22 Years Old! Go Sarah!!

All that to say... I come today to write about a conversation (and a challenge) I had with my father, who I've always seen and experienced as insightful, wise, stern and loving, that has been playing on my heart, and messing up my mind. I love my dad immensely. I admire him. ♥ I love him whole-heartedly for who he is and who I am because of him. He has impacted my life significantly.

Last year, for his 80th birthday, my brother gave him the gift of writing His Own Story. I'm not sure exactly the format - but my understanding is that dad is supposed to write the story of himself and when finished, the company that my brother purchased this gift from will then edit and format it so it can be published.

I asked my dad how that project of writing his own story was coming along.

I knew better than to expect a black or white response. But hope springs eternal, right? *wink wink*

I knew the answer I would receive wouldn't be "fine" or "great" or even "not so hot." It wouldn't be laconic or concise. It would start a conversation, and I frequently enjoy our conversations!

Our discussion traversed many roads, side tracks, squirrels and shiny objects. He challenged me that if I am really interested in what his story is, that I would invest my time in writing my own story to add to his. That I would put together my thoughts on the significance of the people, his people, in my life that I only had because of him (meaning his family) and add to "The Story." *in my head I am arguing the validity of his statement that adding my story to his is the only way to show my interest.

As expected, I didn't get a definitive answer. And that's okay. I know he has put together 50+ pages of his maternal family's history with pictures. I know he's been using ancestry websites (the free ones). I know he struggles with the variety of aspects of perspectives he can write from - so many choices! 

Does he write from his experiences as a father?
As a recovering alcoholic?
Does he just relay the facts like a timeline, without the 'whys and wherefores' that led to the decisions and choices he made?
Does he then share the outcomes that were the result of these choices? 

I said something about focusing on one tree, rather than the forest. 

When I said that, I smiled and admitted that I share his tendencies. I am definitely my father's daughter in that I overthink, want things to be perfect (perfectionism leads to procrastination), live in my head a lot, don't speak or think or write in bullet points, enjoy analyzing people and contemplating "how and why we are who we are and what makes us that way?" I too want to help others to be the best self they can be, and have incredibly high standards and expectations of myself and others.

There is a lot to unpack from our one-hour conversation... lots of stuff! My dad is, and I think has always been, looking for meaning. Significance. Instead of asking at the dinner table to each of his children, "what'd you learn in school today?" or "How was school?" ~ he'd ask, "What was the most significant thing that happened to you today?"

For me, answering "what is the most" kinds of questions is agony. I have trouble prioritizing. Which is something he brought up to me in the context of goals. My heart was slightly bruised by the judgement I heard when he said to me that he's heard me say hundreds of times "One of my goals is ..." Which led to him to telling me that Focus is the recipe for success*. My reply to his telling me that my life is living proof of what unfocused looks like, was that he was 'talking to the Carrie of 20 years ago.' He asked me what changed and I said, "Acceptance. Self-acceptance."

He was quiet, then shifted the conversation to more advice, that he believes all of his children would benefit from Al-Anon, despite the fact that I didn't live with him/them full time.

*Where's my "Atta-girl!"? Acceptance of Myself has been "the thing" we've probably talked about the most and he's encouraged me and inspired me and loved me through. 

But because I'm not around as often, and probably don't call as much as I think about calling, want to call and/or should call... he only sees my life and growth in the slices of time he's given.

I'm frustrated. Frustrated when he told me that I "wouldn't be interested in reading anything about" his life. Frustrated that he thinks it is egotistical to think that anyone would be interested in knowing more about his life.

Frustrated with myself that I haven't written (blogged) regularly on Wednesdays like I promised myself I would. A long while ago!

Frustrated that he doesn't think his life is worth writing down and sharing with us.

Frustrated that I can't help.

Frustrated that I believe I understand as much as I do about where his thinking has got him in this project and why he's stuck. *rueful laugh

No, I'm not 80 and don't understand  a l l  of it, obviously. 

At the heart of this conversation (and really, most of our conversations over the weekend) was his deep belief, conviction, really ~ that the world revolves around me. The universal ME. 

By that I mean: All of our lives, our experiences, our perspectives... it's always going to revolve around me. Me as the individual - that our human kind experience is self-centered, how everything we do and how we make decisions and choices comes down to self. You do what You do for You. I do what I do for Me. She does what She does for Herself. They do what They do for Themself (wow, that's not confusing just a bit).

I'm frustrated that I didn't remember to say to him the performer's motto ~ Think Of Your Audience. For performing artists we have to remember to take ourselves out of the equation and think of who we are sharing with, who is our audience; for whom are we performing? While it is true in my own experience that I love performing... sure for others but really I do it for me... I also know that the most significant (there's that word again) experiences for audience-members happen when the person - the self - of the performer is lost in the character, the music or the song.

And this is just the beginning of the unpacking. There's so much I left out of this first writing that transpired in our exchange. It's a process. This writing thing. There's a lot of unfinished thoughts here. Incomplete conclusions, perhaps a bit muddy. Ha! They're a bit cloudy for me, too! It leaves room for future posts, future conclusions, future stories.

Luckily, my van, suitcases and bags are unpacked (lol!).

*success. Each of us is going to define that differently. Oh goodie. Another topic :-).

And for what it's worth: I see lots of goals as optimistic. Forward-looking. Hopeful. And it's okay if some of them fall away. As we change, our goals will change. Go with it. Or better still... GROW with it! Letting go of old ideas can be painful. Hard. Really Hard. But having bright and shiny new ideas and thoughts and goals... well, that helps me keep my sunny side up!

Day 365!

1 Year.

I've done something consistently... for an entire year.

This is possible.

While I'm kicking myself when I'm down; and inner nag is shamelessly shouting a truckload of negative not-niceties... this is a wonderful thing to remember... to stick my head up out of the mire of those bad days... and wave my middle finger and say... "I did it! I did it once, I can do it again!" And like this awesome article at Livestrong says...

Approach this year’s goals with your eyes wide open. Have hope. Be an optimist. And believe that ANYTHING is possible. And then tell yourself that when you get knocked down, you will pick yourself back up.

Every. Single. Time.

Do it for your family. Do it for your friends. Do it for the people you love. And most importantly: Do it for you.

Key Words: Every. Single. Time.


In case I miss that bit.


I thought this quote from the article was insightful, too...

When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe that’s when you’ll achieve your goals.

There's a lot of things I didn't do... this is true.  But if I were to gather up 100 lbs and try to drag it around with me every day, doing every-day-things... I think I'd quickly wake up to the fact that it has been an incredible, amazing, Awesome-in-a-Big-God-Who-Created-The-World kind of AWESOME way year.

Remember, myself... to accept yourself for all that you are, and all that you have been (!), and all the in-between that is you.

* * *

I have a splitting headache - only something like 3 hours of sleep last night - interrupted sleep at that with dog acting up... himself not settling... himself's earphones so loud listening to music that I couldn't settle, either... 

* * *

A big list of 'to-do' -- if I would just do two of them, I'd be happier with me.

Here's me... just doing it.

Day 331 -- Feeling Emotions

Ben @ Ben Does Life said it best on 11/29...

When things go bad... and when things go good...

go read it.

* * *

I've been crying on and off the past 4 days -- the emotional magnitude of what it means to have lost 100 lbs... it is huge. And I'm really slow at processing.  And even slower putting words to the emotions that I have no words for... difficult to express oneself when no words can be found.  So, tears let it out in the meantime -- most are happy, some I think are grief and regret... but those are short-lived, and the feeling of being ON the mountaintop returns and erases the old crap thinking/feeling, and a certainty of validation in myself that it is possible, and certainly if *I* can do it -- this thing is possible.

Totally, incredibly, challengingly possible.

48 more to go. Still a bit of a climb, but wonderfully possible.

End-of-Tunnel Light -- straight up ahead.

* * *
ETA: Nothing is done alone. I couldn't have done this alone. Life is about helping each other... Relationship.
I'm without-words grateful to my step-father & mom for making this financially possible, my own himself for being supportive both emotionally and financially as well.

Day 328 ~ AT LAST!!

100 Pounds GONE!!

100.4, exactly.  48 lbs to go until goal.

I'm so relieved this day has come... excited to move on to the next goal -- and the next fitness goal, which will hopefully be the walk/jog once I reach goal.

Not particularly in the mood to write/blog at the moment, but wanted to mark this MILESTONE reached.  :D :D :D

Day 253 ~ 93 Pounds Down!

7 lbs away from 100 pounds lost!
* * *

This has been (and continues to be) the year of cleaning out my head, clearing away pounds, and establishing new (healthy & fitness-oriented) habits.

I'm so tired of living with so much stuff.  Soon it will be the year of 'bye bye buy' and 'Curtail the Clutter... by Curtailing the Crafts.' This is the beginning of a plan -- and it will probably start with the 100-lbs gone party happening in about a month.

My new theme: keeping my house 'spur of the moment party' ready.
* * *

9/11. 10 years later. Still stings. Still hurts. No words.

Day 209

What an icky week last week!

Yesterday was MF weigh in day... and I was up 2lbs from the last weigh in ~ still down 86 lbs, however.  On my scale at home in the two weeks between MF weigh ins I was 253 to 247; then I was up two lbs on Saturday morning... after being very careful about what I ate on Friday... I was extremely good, in other words! Then, when I stepped on my scale yesterday morning, I was up 2 flippin' lbs.... So yesterday... I wasn't careful... I had TWO of the really yummy MF bars (Caramel Nut Maintenance Bars with 22 g of carbs each), probably two soy snacks, one bag of the new "Cheese Pizza" Flavored snack meals, and 3 regular bars... with grilled chicken w/ non-fat cheese on a bed of spinach for dinner.  I had one piece of pepperoni picked off a friend's pizza (which I knew wouldn't hurt)... I had a ton of carbonated 'free' water ( http://www.lacroixwater.com ) and didn't have my vitamins. I didn't exercise on Thursday (more on why in a minute).

And today....? DOWN 2 lbs (!?!)

Another lesson on not watching the scales, I suppose... :D

Actually, I'm not really upset, angry or even that frustrated.  Mystified, perhaps *wink wink.* I'm a little frustrated with some other things going on, but the weight loss and my efforts  here are fine.  86 lbs in 30 weeks...not bad!! I'm feeling the trousers I bought not that long ago getting much looser, and clothes that friends are donating to my cause are fitting!  I'm putting some much-loved-and-recently-purchased tops in a bag to donate and give away... so I know I'm still on the right track!!

I do want to hit that 100 lbs in time for the Rockin' Party I'm planning on October 15... so I need to re-focus my energy and efforts and commitment to health each and every day.  Sometimes I let the other stuff take precedence....  For Example:

Chorus ~
Next weekend (August 5th) is the Double Quartet Contest for Region 21 during "Camp Agave" ~ our Summer Educational Seminar weekend in Tempe.  Renee Porzel, Sweet Adeline extraordinaire Showmanship judge, choreographer and Assistant Director to the amazing Melodeers Chorus in the Chicago area is coming to share with us her talents and insights regarding thinking outside the box for character, movement and energy on the risers.  Of course, I'm just as if not more excited about participating/competing the Double Quartet Contest... The group I 'm singing with are all dynamos and really talented (including my own quartet members)... and we're sounding really good.

I'm not sure if we're truly "Golden Banana" worthy... knowing my good friend is working with two other DQs in the Phoenix area and what talent (funny stuff) they're capable of gives me my doubts, but we'll sure be ringing some chords, and THAT is so much fun in and of itself.

That being said, last year's contest seemed to have made some changes to the 'good singing' aspect of the contest... it isn't just about being funny... the most entertaining is the criteria --- and to be entertaining you need to sing pretty darn good!

So... extra rehearsals for DQ have been in my life the past couple of weeks... Regular QT rehearsals and stuff that goes on there... Chorus Rehearsals... Chorus Board Meetings... Chorus Music Team Meetings... and then there's the Show Committee of which I'm a part... Meetings for that... along with things I'm supposed to be doing (I'm doing the program layout, and tickets). I've even dropped some responsibilities, believe it or not!  I'm in charge of putting stuff on the Chorus Website (just a bit longer on that one, as a new web-based communication tool is in the works).

SIDENOTE: As I'm writing today, I'm sitting in the living room easy-couch, hubby is watching TV, and I've got my earphones on, listening to classical music... Mozart, to be specific.  If it has words, I'm easily distracted, so non-word music is best for me when I'm trying to do anything that requires creativity... otherwise I start typing the words I'm hearing in the song.  But right now, the Trio from Cosi Fan Tutte is playing, "Soave sia il vento" -- and reminds me of the time in college when we did scenes from Cosi, and the singing Trio is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. In college we did it in English, and I sang the Mezzo (harmony), and the translation words are really beautiful ~ we ended up singing it for a wedding. Opera: Much more fun to sing than you'd think ;-)  AND -- Mozart's comic operas are a great way to start!

Back to regular blogging:

Other things going on:
Moving of my Craft/Music Studio... still very much in progress.  I'm deeply overwhelmed, at least I was yesterday. Today is better.  Hubby and I were supposed to be going out at 10am to go fishing... it is 10:20 am, I'm dressed and teeth brushed, he's still very much watching mindless tv.  Not sure what we'll do. Normally I'm not in the house on a Sunday, so I hope to do a little more moving of things, or crafting today.  Catching up with a super long blog post (long overdue!) is certainly a good thing :-)

Future Plans:
100 lb party!! I wanted to do something to commemorate this significant milestone ~ something creative with a gathering of people... and himself came up with a great idea! We'll have guests bring X lbs of food (number of guests X number of lbs to = 100 lbs) and we'll load me up with 100 lbs of food, take some pictures, then donate the food to the Tucson Community Food Bank. Cool Idea, dontcha think? :D

So... 14 lbs to go until I've lost 100 lbs.  WOWZA!!!!  Can we say Happy Dancin' Here?!?!?!

Himself also expressed interest in doing MediFast... we need to talk about it some more, and our new treadmill arrived and is set up in the eating area facing the tv -- it has a built in fan & speakers, with a plug for the mp3 player -- and so yay! He has plans to walk 15 minutes in the am, 30 minutes in the pm, building up to eventually an hour 1/2 a day (I think that was his plan).

Work:
Three weeks at the new position... had to do a lot of time on the phones this last week, as lots of our team were out.  I ended up going home early on Wednesday as I felt really shaky, sort of dizzy, and had a weird upper stomach (diaphram-ish area) cramping going on. I think I had too many aspartame mints the day before (was VERY hungry on Tuesday and didn't bring enough water with lemon), and plus it was day one of Girl Week, and I'd not slept very well... all things combined to make me feel just awful.  I came home and slept from 9am until 2pm... then sat around and watched tv and did nothing. Felt ooky... that sort of hollow, empty feeling after you've been sick and are feeling better, but still kind of vacant...? Thursday was 98% improved, and by Friday I was good.

Our team is hopefully having a great weekend and we'll make goal for the month.  We're really really really close!!! The new team manager (whom I work with and report to) is really a good, fair and objective guy, and I think it is showing in the team by our better numbers.

IF (when) we make goal, I promised to make my CONTEST-WINNING lasagna.  Thursday was National Lasagna day (really? July is the month they choose to have a national Lasagna Day??!?!), so the Call Center put up a sign-up sheet to have a "Best Lasagna" contest... my recipe comes from my Aunt Marilyn, and my mom's been making it and receiving loads of compliments since I can remember... so I signed up! I made it in Scotland and people loved it, so I figured it was worth a try... and IT WON!!! WOOT WOOT!!! $25 gift-certificate to the Olive Garden was the prize, which I'm donating to the Chorus Raffle Basket for the Show in November "Flavors of the World" -- yay!!


So... hope anyone who comes over to read is feeling a little caught up on my life! It has been a bit of a ramble through my brain, and hope it mostly makes sense ;-)

I'm still trying VERY hard to remember to think about exercise differently... to make fitness and health challenges met and overcome as rewarding as seeing the scale move down!

Seriously... I need to start working out with the resistance bands in August for my arms. The arm wings are really gross.

We've talked about joining a gym (I really want a pool, and lean toward the YMCA that isn't far away), since himself's work won't be helping to pay for any more home exercise equipment, but they'll contribute to a gym membership.

Day 199!

A Photo is worth a thousand words...

Day 177 ~ 80 lbs DOWN!!!

Wow.

I can't believe I've come this far. I have to try on clothes now to see if they're going to fit -- whereas I just guessed before because it really didn't matter.  Big and loose was my criteria -- now I have to worry about what it actually fits like.

Shopping is becoming fun again... it has been A LONG time since I enjoyed going clothes shopping.  I still can't buy a lot, because I don't know what the final number/size will be ~ but there are certain things I can get that don't really matter -- things with drawstrings around the waist, for instance.
* * *

I finished the first week of work with my NEW PROMOTION!! WOOT!!! I think I'm gonna like it here.... I'm plagued with the normal self-doubts and general lack-of-knowledge and there are a lot more numbers than I anticipated (keeping track of agents' stats - CPH, APH, PROD, Efficiency, Testable, Show Rate....). 

Thursday, one of my new team members brought in 5 pans of home-made German Chocolate Frosted Brownies.... (?!?)  and gave me one of the pans.... OMG!!!

But, guess what? I wasn't even really tempted.  I was curious as to what they tasted like, but they did have huge chunky walnuts (not a fan of chunky walnuts... more of a pecan/almond/cashew/pistachio/peanut fan), so wasn't overly curious.  When I dished up a big plate for himself, I managed to sneak 1/4-of a fingernail taste of the frosting and it was TOO SWEET!! Hallelujah!!
* * *

Chorus and quartet have been really really busy... show planning for the chorus (November 12 is the date), singing gigs for the quartet ($$), and trying to get my craft room moved into the new room... plus it has heated up tremendously in the past week -- so of course, while I'm not feeling the heat like I used to, it is still 110 in the shade and makes me just want to sit like a lump in my recliner with the air blowing over me!

Plus the new job responsibilities... a changing schedule and normal "life" -- and things have been a bit busy.
* * *

Spent this afternoon with a wonderful, dear friend, who has discovered the joy and magic of theatre and acting ~ and we had a really good talk about passion, balance, choice and perspective at Starbucks over a course of 3 hours.  It was awesome!

An added bonus... I was turned away from the door when she came in -- I'd arrived about 10 minutes earlier, had our seats picked out and was putting my goodies in my iced Americano -- I turned around and she had not realized I was there already and thought she was there first and was looking for a table.  When I turned around her face was just lit up with surprise and love and pleasure for me.  She made me cry with compliments -- and that is how close to the surface I've been all day. Incredibly thankful and blessed.
* * *

I didn't walk this week because of the unknown schedule, but I think that will even out a little and I'm planning to add a third day in.  So far my buddy and I have been walking 3.1 miles 2X a week -- which takes just about an hour.  My 3rd day to add I'll keep to about 30-45 minutes, I think -- and we may be taking it inside the mall until the weather cools down -- we'll see.
* * *

I'm feeling good right now. So Grateful for my step-father, my mother, my dad, and my husband... along with my buddies on Facebook who are so supportive of my efforts of losing weight and just so encouraging... along with my wonderful lovely quartet friends, and of course, my Sweet Adeline friends.  I can't wait to see a bunch of them in August and perhaps have more than one of them not recognize me in my new skin.

I know I have to remember this elation now and forever, as once maintenance hits and there aren't any more accolades about how fantastic it is that I've been able to do so well (etc...), I'll need to keep myself motivated and remember these happy, glad and joyful feelings... and that it is ALL part of the journey... even when this is no longer new.

I'm not doing it for the compliments. I'm doing it for the life I want to live. To sing better. To have energy. To be reasonably fit. To meet others who have healthy goals and habits. For the Health of it!

Day 159

Not too much different going on... did another selfish thing to another friend... shorter time in the beat-myself-up hole... but long enough.  Ack.  Avoiding that feeling is why I try to be perfect.  Damn this human-ness that prevents me from perfection!

I'm down 2 lbs this morning... yesterday's eating was without a lot of veggies... 3 stalks of celery, to be exact... and lots of walking around singing in the heat of the Tucson Downtown between 6pm and 8pm, which... I have to say... the heat didn't bother me AT ALL.

For anyone who knows me, this is a huge thing.  Yes, it was warm. I had water, I wore appropriate clothing. 70 lbs ago I would have died.  If for no other reason, just being able to live comfortably in the desert heat has been such a HUGE blessing result of losing the extra insulation layer that is certainly NOT needed in the desert...  so I'm saying it again --- I'm thrilled with this weight loss!!

Ha. Seems obvious, but I don't know if I've put it in those terms yet.

My wedding ring I can now maneuver off my finger with just my fingers... I hope that makes sense... I can wriggle it off my finger up and down the ring finger and it is so cool to have that little reminder of how much weight is gone.  I even was able to wear it on the middle finger AND the ring finger of my right hand... which never has happened before.  I still have 'fat' fingers... genetics from dad, I'm afraid... but this finger thing is a big deal in my world.

Apparently enough to warrant a blog post (*LOL*).
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My craft room has furniture and crafts in it! The desk my computer will go on is set up, the peg-board wall and IKEA hanging wire thing-a-ma-jig is now installed... two Expedit units are put together, and shelves are up!  It is so fun to be in the process of moving, organizing, sorting and putting together my creative space!!!  This is where a lot of my energy is going... how to decorate it, how to have it set up to function the best, etc... I'm so happy and thrilled... and my hubby has outdone himself with getting the last little things done so quickly.  I think he saw how his office will soon be ALL his faster... which I'm sure has helped inspire him.  Whatever the reasons... He ROCKS!!

I'll post pictures soon...
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I just want to say... this may seem random, but whatever ;-)

Everyone can sing. (Not everyone has to listen, however...).  Everyone SHOULD sing... even if only for yourself, in the shower or whatever.  And people who "judge" people and tell them not to sing shut down an entire side of expression of self.  Some people are better singers than others... just like some people can do math faster, and other people have baking skills, and others have talent carving wood. 

“Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.” ~ Henry Van Dyke

 The other thought I have is that I'm really really tired of hearing people say, "I'm not creative."  Perhaps you're not artistic... but everyone has creativity in some form or another.  The definition of creative is when you can think of another use for something than for what the item was originally intended.  Anytime you've used your shoe to nail something into wall is a time you're being creative.  As I'm thinking of ways to decorate my Creative Studio Space (as it is also a music room, not just crafts), I am reminded of this creative vs artistic debate.

I'm sort of artistic, but I need to practice to be better... there are naturally artistic people out there, and then there are people who have a bent that direction, but just need to work at it more.  The same quote above works for those who think they have no artistic talent, either... if you want something you have to put effort toward it... and if something doesn't come easily... that doesn't mean you shouldn't put a little time toward it and see what happens.

Off the somewhat rambling Soapbox. Perhaps a more in-depth look at this topic will be done later... lots of things that have a deadline to be done today.

Thanks for reading.

Off to work on promoting the upcoming Chorus Show (November 12, 2012) to senior audiences!

Day 131 ~ I avoided the cheesecake

Today I scrapbooked for the first time in awhile... saw a scrapper friend I've not seen since losing 60 lbs, and won the "Grand Prize" of a $50 Gift Certificate worth of Creative Memories products.

I have had a good day.

I feel beaten and sad. I'm still feeling bad over something I did two weeks ago, and now small little things are annoying me.

I've walked 7 miles this week (YAY!).

I had a successful week of training for a new job ~ I'm now employed by the American Red Cross as a Telerecruiter for Blood Services... I've learned a lot about Regulations, Blood facts, and Consent Decrees. Well, not a lot about Consent Decrees, but a little.

My quartet had a fabulous weekend singing around town for Mother's Day Harmony-Grams, and now we're booked at a local bookstore in June to sing for *money!!* Woot Woot!!!!  And one of the hair salons we sang in was impressed enough to ask for a business card and hopefully some community opportunities will come from that.

My point: things are good. Writing this short list of good things helped REMIND me that I'm blessed. I'm still so thankful for losing weight, and Medifast, and my cute hubby... so these useless feelings need to say adios & sayonara!

Hrmph.

Day 117 ~ 1.51 miles walked, another pound down!

Longgggg day yesterday... busy weekend ahead!  I slept in this morning until 7:30 and got out with the dog around 7:55.  I took a very leisurely walk this morning, and got back home at 8:25.  My back hurts -- but it was a gorgeous morning -- kinda windy, but not yet a hot hot wind... but it was warm.

I'm wearing clothes that have been in my closet for years, unworn because they were so ill-fitting. I have on a men's (large men's store) t-shirt, and a pair of old black pants that probably have holes in the crotch/rear end (!) but no one can tell because they're so LOOSE!! Whooo-Hooooo!!

I didn't really FEEL like walking this morning, but felt good about the fact I was doing it anyway.  Huge for me.

Lots of allergens floating around outside, and I've got that constant 'I'm gonna sneeze' feeling goin' on. bleh.
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I ♥ Medifast. Just sayin'.  I had an extra MF meal last night, with an extra piece of string cheese... dinner last night was a can of tuna mixed with probably a 3/4 C mixture of non-fat and no-salt-added cottage cheese, on top of a bit of raw cabbage & baby spinach, and some roasted kale and baby asparagus (with some olive oil and salt, and TJ's '21-gun-salute' no-salt spice mix... my current new favorite thing).  Mixed it all together and it was very very good!! Thinking the tuna and cottage cheese will be the new tuna and mayonnaise!! :D

I had all bars (5), Parmesan puffs, the white cheddar mini rice cake things, plus the string cheese... all my water, and a large cup of coffee with cream and sugar free chocolate torani syrup in the morning.

Day 116 = A New LOW Number on the scale!!

YAY YAY YAY!!!

April has been the land of the same 4 lbs going up and down, up and down, U P and D O W N... just about driving me crazy!

I started walking this week... since last Friday I've walked 9.06 miles -- YAY ME!! :D

The endorphins make such a difference... I'm also saying a positive affirmation before I go to sleep every night, about how I love waking up early and working up a sweat in the morning... with joy and gratitude, etc... and the last thought I have before going to sleep is a conscious thought ... *I WANT to be fit, I WANT to get up early and welcome the sunrise... I want to get a jump start on my day and be happy and glad about it.*

Cuz really, it is just about changing our mind.

So much easier said than done.
* * *

I had a shift in understanding... I've said, I've read, I've known, I've understood... that putting fitness and exercise, if we really want to change, HAS to be the first priority... above social, above housework... for me it means fitness above chorus and quartet fun and those goals.  If I don't have my health, I won't be able to have the energy and stamina for someday directing a chorus, winning regional quartet contest, learning to arrange music in the barbershop (a cappella - 4-part) style, let alone just standing on the risers for 3 1/2 hours once a week (!).

Somewhere in my molecules, at a core level, I finally reached the point of heart understanding.  You know how sometimes you *know* something, and you understand the concept... your brain totally gets it. But it can be a long, difficult, arduous journey for that thought or concept to travel to your heart... where you 'get it.'

It is sort of a subtle change, I also refer to this as the switch being flipped... something in the inner core of my being changes significantly... and I think it is a direct result of "putting the right thoughts in the right bucket enough times," for that balance of buckets to change... which is what leads me to say it is as simple as changing your mind. But changing our mind is certainly not EASY.  Simple does NOT equal easy. Really and Truly making a change in our life is so very very hard... STAYING and KEEPING UP the changes is hard too. 
* * *

So, I was reminded at my Medifast clinic visit on Wednesday that I'm not supposed to exercise more than 45 minutes per day.  So... walk-running a half-marathon is out of my reach this year.  I'm pretty sure I can't do 13.1 miles in 45 minutes *laughing hysterically at the thought...*

So, I'm going to still do the Gabe Zimmerman triple crown, but the 5K fun walks instead.  I think I'll be able to get to 3 miles in about 45 minutes... especially if I don't take the dog on every single walk with me... The half-marathon will have to wait until I'm in transition and maintenance of Medifast... which, fingers crossed, will be next March!
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Medifast Clinic Visit on Wednesday, April 27th
So..... I'm down 59.4 lbs in 16 weeks... that is an average of 3.7 lbs per week.

I was actually up .8 lbs from two weeks ago when I weighed in... BUT, my inches lost since the last time I 'd been measured was -26.25 for a total inches loss of 82.75!!

and this morning on my home scale, I am down 3 lbs since yesterday's weighing, and 5 lbs since Monday.

I'm over a third of the way to my goal.
* * *

I bought the MF cookbook this last time, as it is time to come up with some different meals.  I wrote down my L&Gs that I've been eating, and it seems I rotate between 9 different things... so I want to add another 9 or 10 to that number, at least so I can get a pretty good rotation going. 
* * *

Himself is recovering nicely from Gallbladder surgery a week ago Monday. The toughest part so far has been the recovering from the hernia repair... that is the part that the Doc said would take two years for it to be really normal.  They put in a wire mesh thingey, and we don't think it is something that will dissolve, but rather, it will be 'grown around' by his body... so the foreign object is what is taking so long to feel 'normal.'
* * *

My last day at work will be today -- going in to clean up some messes that I've left in my "To Do" files, and to finish up the Office Procedures Manual that I started.  The new gal I think will be a great fit for them, and I hope that this relationship lasts for a long time!
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I've been really really busy with just doing the plan, and have missed blogging more regularly about it.  With my priorities sort of newly aligned, daily blogging may be something that doesn't fit within my daily habits right now... but once some of the other responsibilities I have are done and finished, then I'll stick it back in :-)
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I've not done an April picture, so maybe I'll have himself take some photos later today... and then I'll log the numbers of the inches lost on the progress page as well.
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If you're still reading.. thanks!! And I'm so thankful for anyone who stops by and reads... and I ♥ it when someone takes a couple minutes to just say "hi" and leaves me a comment.... *such a subtle hint, no?* 

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Day 72 ~ Down 2 LBS!

The activity of walking in the morning and expending a lot of energy (sweating!) at chorus last night = 2 lbs gone this morning!

I was out too late and got up very late... but back to routine tomorrow morning!

Today will be a busy day... and a busy weekend coming up!

Day 67 - Kaleidescope

So many things going through my mind!

So I quickly just jotted down everything immediately on my mind -- and no, I may not get to all of it in today's post(!)

First Up:
I'm down another 2 lbs! I was down 2 lbs yesterday -- Woot Woot WOOT WOOT!!

I did the math, and I'm over 1/2-way to being Half-Way to Goal! This is quite exiting for me! I'm not great at fractions, but this is a quarter of the way there, no?

On my home scale, I've lost 44 lbs. * Medifast Scale last week was 43 lbs lost, so I'll be excited to go up this week and step on! The past week has been difficult (that is a huge understatement), but I decided I'd get back into doing the MF Shakes some more - I've not had shakes in probably 4 weeks -- just got tired of them. 

I've been snacking on high-protein 'real food' snacks - and have still been losing, but I really wanted to have lost 50 lbs by this next weigh in at the Clinic.  So... I'm back to the shakes, and this morning's Cappucino shake with Sugar Free Syrups (1 TB Caramel, 1 TB Chocolate), and 1/2 TB Ground Flax Seeds was absolutely delish.  When I got hungry at 11:30, I usually eat a bar for this time of day, but went for the Vanilla Pudding and did a shake instead - nothing extra in it, and it tasted pretty good.

I know the MF Message boards say taste buds change over time on the plan, and re-visiting foods after a few months is a good idea ~ I didn't think that would be the case with the shakes, necessarily - because I didn't find them awful.  I think I just got bored of them - and it is easier to open up a packet of Puffs or a Bar, than get the ice, the water, do the blending, rinse the blender - wash the cup etc... nothing like a little mini-goal to shake up the lazy tendencies
* * * 

So this week I got a haircut - it is amazing how much lighter I feel! I cut my hair really short in 2009-ish, and love it -- I love having long hair to play with and curl... but the desert heat is miserable enough having to wear clothes, extra hair just adds to the misery. Maybe when I've lost the extra padding I will be able to deal with the hair... but in the meantime - my short hair was long enough to pull up into a clip = Too Long!  I also bought a new, funky pair of sunglasses, which make me smile just looking at them. When himself takes the progress pix today, I'll put them on for one of the pictures :-)

So - between the haircut and new sunglasses ~ I feel happy in my skin! Oh yeah, and the minus 4 lbs is a wonderful addition to feeling great!!
* * *

Trying on Old Clothes ~ this morning after my shower, I wanted to clear some of the old clothes from my closet (first reason is because I need a few more hangers) -- not just old 'fat' clothes (which I'm mostly still wearing because they're not huge-o yet, or falling down to the floor...), but clothes that I've not worn in a long time for whatever reasons. When I was doing that, I found clothes that I haven't worn because while I loved them (color, style, etc...) I felt fat. Then there are the t-shirts that are X-Large, 3X-Large and 5X.

The X-Large I tried on and want to take have taken a progress picture of it now because it is really tight... it'll be another really cool way to show how much weight I'm losing when it is loose and baggy (oh the happy happy thought!). The 3X-large is also tight - a lot less so than the XL of course, but still not something I'll be wearing too soon. I like my clothes loose ~ never have been a tight-clothing wearer... ugh! Especially trousers... bleh.

The 5X looks great, only it is way too short ~ only way I'd wear it right now is with a shirt underneath in case I had to lift my arms. 'Cuz there ain't any reason to subject people who have done me no harm with a picture of my extremely white, round tummy. nope. it just wouldn't be fair. not gonna do it.

All that said about t-shirts ~ the progress picture to be posted today is one of my favorite shirts that I've not worn in ages -- it is yellow (I ♥ Yellow) and so therefore, shows the selection of baked items under the fabric... you know, what kind of roll do you want today ~ jelly roll is my specialty!  But while there are some rolls under there, it isn't anything like it was 44  lbs Ago!! So... I put on the bra that keeps the girls up, put on some makeup, my haircut's all cute and short, put on my Sparkly Every Day Earrings and put on my favorite yellow top... and himself took the picture! It will be up on the progress page as soon as I can get it all together when I finish this post.  And I even had him take one with my new fun sunglasses.

Yes, I still have a long way to go. Yes, I'm feeling GREAT about the progress I'm making so far. Yes, I'm so very thankful for my step-dad and mom (every day) for giving me this chance to prove to me that I CAN stick with something this important.

There are about 6 tops I'll be taking to give away - a pair of size 30 pants that were too big when I bought them and never ever wore them outside the dressing room.  The next project is to go through himself's t-shirts and toss 5. Same goes with the bottoms.
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Well, that is plenty of news for today. I am feeling absolutely fabulous. The health issues himself is dealing with has been a wake up call in a fabulous way... we are really starting on the path to healthier eating - and making strides with increasing his water consumption, smaller portion sizes and really cutting out processed food. We are now waiting for an appointment to see the surgeon regarding Gallbladder surgery. He's had a complete physical, and goes in a couple weeks for a stress test. While I wouldn't have wished him this kind of pain, to be honest; his willingness to really go forth and be healthy has been an answer to prayer for me. He had to come to his own conclusion ~ and I believe God knew what it would take. The Nurse Practitioner who saw him Tuesday morning asked him if I was a nurse (!) because I'd been doing the right things for him, and advising him the right stuff. So I think he has more trust in me than perhaps before.

So again, I'm incredibly grateful for this turnaround -- and now he's marking his weight loss on the calendar with me, and we'll start taking some progress pictures of him, too :-)
* * *

I've got some chorus duties to do... tomorrow is another all-day coaching session with the awesome Patty Cobb Baker ~ and this time we get to meet Jeff Baker, her awesome amazing (so I've heard) husband.

Which reminds me - One More Thing.
* * *

I've decided that I'm going to wear my Sweet Adeline medals as much as I can - every day. Especially when I'm walking and exercising! Not only will they remind me of one of the biggest motivators for me to keep losing weight and becoming more fit; but they will maybe spark curiosity in people to ask about them, and it can be a way to help market/publicize the chorus and the craft of barbershop singing.

This is our First Place Mid-Size Medal (the Pink Ribbon), and the Second Place Overall Medal. 

We compete again in April in Pasadena, and if things go as usual, we'll probably get a top 3 placement. The thing is ~ you really never know... And I'm one to not want to jinx or assume anything!

Scottsdale Chorus, Harborlites Chorus, and San Diego Chorus are our Region's BIG CONTENDERS and one or two, and sometimes ALL THREE of them are all competing at the International Contest (which is how Tucson Desert Harmony got to compete at International in 2009 in Nashville - because all three were out of the contest in 2008 due to international wins and current competition status).

The smaller-mid-sized choruses in our region are all doing wonderful things in growing members and increasing vocal skills -- and our laurels are NOT big enough to rest on!

But I digress. I want to wear my medals, and have them always in my sight as a constant reminder of why I'm doing what I'm doing. Why I want to get up earlier to get my exercise in and over with! Why I want to make time every day to sing and increase my vocal skills. Why I want to listen to peppy music and sing with it on the elliptical! To be the best I can be with No Excuses!!

Day 45 ~ More Emotional Sifting

Somehow I'm a day off -- This should be Day 46 -- but I'm just going to go with it.
* * * * *
Yesterday was a pretty awful struggle in the afternoon/early evening!

It is tied in with not contributing enough money to the household, and feeling quite poor all the time; though we certainly are not poor! We are considerably blessed -- and I have to really check myself when I start feeling all deprived... SOOOOOOO not deprived!!!

I'd met a friend at Starbucks, who has asked me to help her and her business partner market their website better -- and she'll/they'll be paying for my efforts.  Situations like this put me in a place of anxiety. Big Time!  I'm absolutely THRILLED that she thought of me, and has put her trust in me to do what I can (whatever that is). On the other hand, I know I'm lacking in a lot of knowledge that others out there possess as a second nature, almost, when it comes to this stuff (internet marketing).

We wrote some stuff down, and I have an idea how to get started -- I wrote her an email to recap what we'd discussed, and we came to a payment agreement; which I also recapped in the email (and, by the way, it suits me perfectly and the timing is amazing!).  This is one of those situations where I firmly believe that God has worked His perfect timing in an answer to prayer.  *But* I just had that thought about an answer to prayer this very minute as I've been trying to write this post and figure out what I'm trying to say!

Takes a moment to reflect and say "Thank You God - You ROCK!"

Back to the other stuff... when I got home, I was hungry - had a pickle, my soup, water, and himself discovered his battery was dead and told me he had to go into work today (and no, he didn't want to take my car so I could pile stuff in the van because it was the first opportunity he would have of driving with his super-duper spectacular radio that has blue tooth and a little mini screen so it can play DVDs too... cuz THAT is what you need while driving -- another distraction[!]), and all these things that I'd promised the Rummage Sale was going up in smoke; so feeling bad about not delivering on THAT promise [lesson learned: don't promise, just say 'do my best' and try, I guess... which wraps me up in wishy-washiness, which I really don't like!].

I got on the computer and went to their website, read my 'idiot's guide' about creating web pages and blogs regarding Meta tags... nothing about adding video on it, so more research coming... and getting hungrier... had a 'snack' (which I now realize is a meal replacement, not an optional snack -- oops!)... some tea... no idea what to have for dinner -- but the feelings are crying out for BULK and COMFORT.  And then I remembered I had Shirataki Noodles -- and remembered Lyn's Shiratake Noodle Bake was on her site, so went over there and used it as a starting point and digressed from her recipe almost 100% (*smile*)... but I didn't start cooking until like, 8:30 pm because of all the emotional crap I was fighting in my head.

I was feeling really crappy, and for the first time, really (since starting MF in January) --I had a concrete thought of going to food as a way to "Feel Better." My head knew that was crap, and I just took a few minutes to breathe, and asked myself  "why are you feeling like this? REALLY??!!" and processed my feelings, trying to figure out what was happening.  Expressing my frustration that plans I thought we'd made were only in my head, and being careful not to put blame anywhere and also express appreciation at how hard himself has been working at work and at home... and taking action on marketing myself as a singer for senior communities by drafting a letter to solicit business -- all these things brought my emotions back in balance.

I started realizing when I was cooking that I was going to be going over on my amounts -- this was quite conscious, actually (not that I started with the intention of going over, but realizing that I wanted ALL the noodles!!! and that I'd figure out the equivalents later, which I've done this morning) so my amounts were  = 5 Greens, Less than 1 Lean, 5 over on my condiments -- Plus I'd had an extra MF Meal because I thought the Parmesan Cheese Puffs were a snack, not a Meal Replacement... you can see my recipe here (very VERY loosely based on Lyn's from Escape from Obesity). As I say, I was more interested in Bulk & Comfort, I think -- the noodles were extremely appealing at the time of this minor emotional crisis...

 

as you can see... it looks pretty darn delicious.. and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I was completely satisfied after eating and while I knew I'd gone over and was off on a few things according to strict MF Guidelines...
 

I also knew that everything I was putting in my mouth was On Program -- it wasn't pasta, it wasn't potatoes, it wasn't Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, or chocolate! So I'm absolutely thrilled with my process and my progress and taking a minute to step back, get some perspective and HANG ON!

* * * * * 

So -- Yay ME! and as a reward -- I bought some songs on itunes! I'm planning a "Doris Day" set for a Cabaret Show, and need to learn a few songs -- so... got a few Doris tunes (I ♥ Doris Day!), AND remembered a song from long long longgggg ago that I've been meaning to get on my ipod for awhile, "The Last Time I Felt Like This (I Was Falling In Love)" [the song and clips from the movie on YouTube] sung by Johnny Mathis & Jane Olivor from the movie, "Same Time, Next Year" -- which is one of my all time favorite movies, that I keep forgetting I adore! 

I sang the song with good and very talented friend in High School for one of our choir concerts -- and was so happy last night when I remembered it... FOUND it... and listened to it again!!

* * * * *

So... today I am feeling better... the scale was still down 1 lb this morning, and I have the day off so was able to catch up on some sleep, write at a pace I like, load my car with the few things I've gathered for the Rummage Sale, and now off to deliver it - and make a stop at storage so I can plan for the Craft Class tomorrow!

Day 44 ~ Down 37 Pounds!

Today was a MF Clinic Visit -- another Official Weigh In! 

I was thinking on my drive home that I should collect something that represents how much weight I've lost and am losing ~ something to build that is a visual image to reinforce just *how much* and *how heavy* 37 pounds (and more) actually *IS!*

hmmm... will have to think about it!

* * * * *

I met my good friend at Mimi's for my Petite Sirloin and roasted veggies... tonight I had a super portion of veggies which included Asparagus! Bonus!! My friend was held up for a little while in traffic, so I had a cup of coffee with hot water added (I'm not a fan of strong coffee), and over 3 cups of diluted coffee I had two little containers of 1/2 & 1/2, and a packet of Splenda.  While waiting for her I also had a Cesar Salad with low-fat Citrus dressing (yuck) on the side, no croutons, and a bit of Parmesan Cheese.  My friend brought along her Ascorbic acid crystals, which was a 'flavoring' she could use when she was having some serious stomach/digestion issues.  It is good stuff! And Good For You! Will have to look for it at the Health Food Store.

I listened to my Happy-Positive-Upbeat Music Playlist on the way home, and think I did a good job... *ha!* All music I like!!

* * * * *

My Quartet did a little Birthday/Valentines Performance on Sunday and we had a blast!

 Aren't we cute?

* * * * *
In other news... we're still waiting on news for my newest niece or nephew... any minute now!

* * * * *
The additional room himself has been working on is starting to come together quite quickly! We're getting ready to paint the ceiling, and will probably be moving furniture in a few weeks.  Very VERY exciting!!

Day 40

I had a HUGE long list of things I wanted to get done... but I watched a lot of HGTV today, instead.

I cleaned out a drawer from one of the pieces of furniture we're going to donate to the Rummage Sale -- and I showered and met a good friend for tea this morning -- which was awesome catching up on her life and that the high drama that was there in November is gone! YAY! 

Have a quartet Valentine's Performance tomorrow... didn't look at any music today at all -- feeling quite Blah and icky, actually... *rolling eyes* -- it is a normal thing that happens at least once a month... IYKWIM (!) So tomorrow will be a little stressful... so I'm heading to bed.

On the plus side, my scale was down a pound :-)  and himself is making great progress on the room... very exciting to be thinking about how to arrange furniture, etc... for what will be the "Craft/Music/Get-away-from-the-constant-tv-noise/Office/ Possible Guest Room" Space!!

Day 37 ~ Whoopeeeeee!!

This morning was a gorgeous number on the scale!  Down 3 lbs... and I've not seen this number in a long... L.O.N.G time!!

A number of thoughts have occurred to me to write about... wonder if I can remember any of them now (*lol*)!

Some Keys to my success so far

Key: Getting in my 32 oz of water in the morning before 9am.  This keeps me pretty satisfied hunger-wise. I notice if I have a headache, or have some anxiety (aka stress), I chew gum to "chew-off" some of that excess energy. This gum thing has been a huge "A-Ha!" for me.

Key: Planning my dinner in the morning (in other words, in advance!).  Seems like the whole planning thing is a Duh(!) ~ and I've mentioned planning before... I have a couple 'go to' meals for when I can't be bothered planning my Lean & Green... (Mahi Mahi marinated in my favorite marinade and grilled on the GFG, with Spinach, Romaine & Broccoli or other raw veggie with Wishbone Balsamic Vinaigrette dressing, maybe some almonds, or Parmesan cheese, even a TB of real bacon bits if I'm feeling like I need some variety is one; Beef Zucchini Skillet Meal is another.)

Key: Blogging and tracking everything.  Much easier when MF does all the work for you! But tracking all condiments, SALT(!), fats... snacks... it all counts. Blogging helps me reflect on what is happening, because it is happening fast! To be able to look back and see how far I've come, what I've learned, how I've been feeling -- it all is helpful in learning more about myself and how I got to this 300+ pound place in the first place.

Key: Accountability. Leo Babuta is right.  Even though there aren't a lot of comments (*sad face here*), I know people are looking... and cheering... and reading... making their own judgements... and just knowing that I'm not just answering to myself is one of my personal motivations.  I tend not to keep my word to myself, but keeping my word to others is place much higher on my priority scale... though this is slowly (oh so very very slowly) changing.

Key: Keeping the food 'fresh' -- finding things I can do on MF with the MF Foods, MF-Friendly recipes; I'm putting together a resource of everything I've found that looks worth trying -- so far it is a 32 page document(!).

Key: Reading other weight loss blogs. Real People are Really Inspiring. Full Stop. Just knowing there are a lot of us out there trying to [1] Lose then [2] Maintain... we are excellent company!

Key: Focus. Blogging/Logging helps keep me focused. Knowing that this (MF Losing Weight Plan) is all I have to focus on for two months (as I'm following the 6changes.com philosophy), and 'getting into my groove and good habits' I think has been the most important thing.  Seeing my pants falling down around my ankles is the vision I keep in front of me all the time. *Big Grin!*

* * *

Lucerne Cottage Cheese has a 'no-salt' added option. Today I bought one container of that, and one of non-fat... taste-tested today and the no-salt one is quite vile, to be honest. I mixed the two together, which will still reduce the salt and fat of both of them, and hoping the taste will improve after they've had time to 'mingle.'

Will give a progress report later.
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I took progress pictures today... 30 lbs gone! Will get those updated to the Progress Page as soon as this post is done.
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Asked the question today of my MF Counselor regarding Vegan Mozarella cheese (made from Tofu)... Situation was this ~ Monday I was starving and had all my protein at lunch ~ so Portabella Pizzas it was, and instead of regular cheese (which is counted as a protein), I used the Tofu Cheese (which actually tastes pretty good, and as you see in the photo, melted pretty good under the broiler, too!), thinking that Tofu can can go either way as a "Lean" or a "Green."

Shirataki Noodles are considered by MF to be a "Green" -- but they are made from Tofu.
Tofu is considered a "Lean" (non-meat option) -- also made of Tofu.
In My World, I think if you have all your protein and want to use 2 TB of Tofu Cheese as part of your Green Meal, it should count as a Green ;-)
In MF World, it is counted as a Lean -- good reasoning behind it, actually -- counting as a Lean then still requires one to have the appropriate number of servings of Green, which has more fiber, needed nutrients etc...

That Being Said -- Shirataki Noodles should then be considered a Lean (for the sake of pure consistency).

Just my processing thoughts ;-)  It's all good... because if you're going to "go off plan" or "have too much of something" it is better to err on the side of Protein!!

You can see the Zucchini peeking out from under the cheese. I stir-friend the zuke in a flavor profile* to be spicier... so I'd maybe have a sensation of meat (I don't particularly like pepperoni).

*Flavor Profile = Perhaps a Bit Too Much Watching of the "Top Chef" I'd say, eh? *LOL*

Day 35

Ummmmmmm.... thoughts this morning....

I'm poor. I'm tired of being poor.  I have a lot of things that I want to do that require payment... putting "perfect 2nd job" thoughts out there...

I'm thrilled that 6 lbs are gone over the last 4 days... it seems eating fish for dinner is a key! Mmmmm.... Fish :-)

Yesterday was full of technology for me -- learning how to manipulate the videos taken over the last couple of weekends for chorus -- uploading to You Tube, creating a help document for the less-than-interested folk who don't particularly enjoy technology challenges... still have a lot to do, but even though I don't have a lot to show for the work, I did get a lot done.  And this kind of work keeps me from eating.  I really do enjoy the challenge!

Am late (got up WAY too late after going to bed WAY too late....), so gotta run!