My Month So Far

A long, boring post of what I've done since the beginning of October, 2014. I'm so distracted in the clutter and being overwhelmed, I just thought I'd list, rather than create. But, it is in the spirit of trying to write more regularly... which I've been horribly irregular about, here's my month so far:

10/1 - Met a friend at the Good Egg for 8am breakfast and to receive the goodies from my Origami Owl party (held on 9/21) to give to my friends who bought some pretty jewelry goodies! I've known this gal since my second time around at American Airlines Reservations employment (SWRO). She and I went through the coaching program together, and she's still working for them! At home, but still... I admire that tenacity!

10/2 - Haircut... I thought I was going to let my hair grow into a shaped bob, but can't deal with that right now... I started this day with writing down goals for the next week... taking time to write a "To Do List" and timing how long that took (7 minutes)... how long it would take to follow my Social Media plan (started with 15 minutes, but it went into 1 hour - and from what I've done today, I need to have a Serious Chat with myself about how I work this into my business plan... because days go by and I do nothing else). I wrote down a huge list of things to do, and I got some stuff done (like organizing tickets to the Tucson Desert Harmony October 18th Cabaret Show and getting my table of 8 guests done). I did talk to my tax guy, who advised - "Every time you take out your wallet and pay for something, write it down." He also suggested paying 20% of my Real Estate pay (commission checks) to the IRS every. single. check.  Which I think is a good idea for me. I think I spent a lot of time organizing my friends and groups in Facebook...
I texted a friend from ARC, talked to another friend about voice lessons for her daughter.

10/3 - I worked a lot on the Facebook messages about starting out in Real Estate. I received a possible lead. I worked on my personal excel spreadsheet of people I know, and how I can get their information to add to my RE Contact Management System. I did laundry. I sorted my "To Do List" A1, A2 etc...  I did start something for my first Open House which was held 10/5.

10/4 - Followed up with the potential lead from the Facebook Message, researched some house stuff. Had a long conversation with my mentor person about the Open House, changed my voicemail message.  Went to a friend's and picked up a few things that I ordered from Stampin' Up. That night himself and I watched "Life of Pi" and "Lincoln" ~ I enjoyed both movies quite a bit. I made lists of what to bring to the Open House.

10/5 - went to the College Class for church, grabbed some donuts and left, since the Open House started at 1pm. I called AT&T about my phone Hotspot, which they refreshed, or whatever, and it now works. The Open House was very educational. I have so much to learn. Potential leads - can't buy a house until January, not sure how often to contact, but did put them in the CRM for RE and sent out one email.

10/6 - Went to the RE Office and the "Map to Success" they have for the new agents. Made Zombie Finger Breadsticks for the Bunco that night (I was subbing).

10/7 - Office Meeting in the morning, met a friend for lunch at Chipotle, went back to the office for the tour of Procedures from the Office Administrator, who has been around for 20 years. (Which reminds me I need to do some serious thank you notes!) I deposited a check to the bank for show tickets. I wrote down in my "write everything down" notebook that I need to focus on [1] aspect of Real Estate a week to LEARN. Contracts (there are a bunch, so one week = Contracts and break it down to individual buyers, sellers, addendums, cures, etc...), Home Warranties, MLS etc.

10/8 - I started losing track of the days/dates on this day... I was supposed to go up and preview the house for the Open House tomorrow (Sunday, 10/12) - but it rained and my friend who lives up there had a hard time getting home, so I was thwarted. I don't think I left the house. But I did shower and dress as if I was. This is huge for me (!) This day was a 3 (quite bad) on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best. I broke down and had a crying jag. Just so completely overwhelmed with new career, messy house, so many things I want to accomplish. I ran out of pages in my "write everything down" notebook and well, basically Lost the Plot. I started watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix, and had a mini-fest. My brain needed the break... but this cycle needs to stop.

10/9 - Was on the phone for a while with a couple of different people - one called me for computer help, which is flattering. Another I called with a question about dues for my Tucson Chorus. Discussed branding and Message for this chorus, and how we really have to take our vibrant and fun hobby to a less-retired age group. I met another ARC friend at Starbucks and caught up on some of the goings on there...

10/10 - REBarCamp from 8 to 3 (I left earlier) - a whole day networking and going to break out sessions focused on Social Media and Technology in the field of Real Estate. Free food... goodies (pens, pads of paper, t-shirts, bags) and lots of new business cards. I have a new Facebook friend, and learned that I want to download and use Evernote. It was a good day, but I really struggle with mass networking like that. *REBarCamp - Real Estate BarCamp - BarCamp is such unhelpful name to understand what a great thing this is. "BarCamp is an international network of user-generated conferences primarily focused around technology and the web. They are open, participatory workshop-events, the content of which is provided by participants...The format has also been used for a variety of other topics, including public transit, health care, education, and political organizing. The BarCamp format has also been adapted for specific industries like banking, education, real estate and social media." (wikipedia) Himself and I went to dinner to one of my favorite local restaurants, The Blue Willow, with some friends, and had a great night. We came home and then watched Bones, then Criminal Minds. Went to bed pretty early.

Long Post!

So that is what I did. I feel like the list of what I didn't do far far supersedes anything I did. I've been tweeting more @hav2sing is my Twitter handle.

There is no wrap-up or conclusion. It is today, and I have to start a new "write everything down" notebook, put my mileage and receipts together, pay some bills, finish laundry, etc.

What do people assume about you that would be wrong?

This is a loaded question, isn't it? I was just reading an article and the writer mentions this as the most difficult interview question ever.  The writer's answer was "Just because I'm nice people assume I'm a doormat."

The article had this to say:

What do people assume about me? I don't really know. So how could I say they were wrong? Should I admit I've never thought about that before and see if they would let me off the hook? Should I make something up that people might assume about me, or should I pick a terrible characteristic and deny it? No, that would be wrong because then I would be admitting that there is a reason why people would assume that. Yikes! This was an impossible trick question.

I think my answer would be along the lines of, "Just because I talk to people I don't know, and am a performer, it is assumed that I'm an extrovert."

Recently I took a Personality Assessment (Predictive Index) for work. "The test employs a free-choice (as opposed to forced-choice) response format, in which individuals are presented with two lists of descriptive adjectives, both containing 86 items, and are asked to endorse those which they feel describe them (the “self” domain), and then those which they feel coincide with how they feel others expect them to behave (the “self-concept” domain). Summing across these two domains yields a third implied domain (the “synthesis”), which can be interpreted as reflecting an employee’s observable behavior in the workplace."  [description from "What is Predictive Index (PI)?" article online]

I took it twice, because even the Talent Acquisition person had a hard time believing my first results... here are some of the results:

• Private, serious, introspective, and reserved, it takes her a long time to connect to and trust new people.
• Focused, she can concentrate on the task at hand for long periods. She more quickly notices and understands technical matters than social ones. Consistent and patiently thoughtful.
• Works at a steady, unwavering pace; most comfortable with familiar processes, environments, and co-workers. Doesn't easily change.
• Task-focused; she quickly notices and pushes to fix technical problems, assertively cutting through any personal/emotional issues. Has aptitude to spot trends in data or figure out how complex systems work.
• Independent, analytical, critical, and creative thinking and action; little need for external validation before action. Private.
• Authoritative and direct, she's driven to accomplish her personal goals; she pushes through roadblocks assertively. Communication is direct, to the point, and sometimes brusque.

Because I love to sing and perform, people assume I'm an extrovert.  Because I get people together for reunions or performance opportunities, people assume I am social. But truly, it is only those with whom I have a strong (and loving) connection with are the folks I adore being around and love being the instigator of social situations.

I am actually an introvert. People exhaust me. I love performing, and by nature love the spotlight... but that is about recognition (which the PI stated I needed). I absolutely hate and do my best to avoid being in a room full of people that I don't know and with whom I'm expected to have conversations. Even if we have something in common (like singing, scrapbooking, crafting, etc...). Small Talk. Blech. I prefer to be "task-focused." I wish, however, I could "assertively cut through... personal/emotional problems." At least, be more assertive fixing my own. Always easier to see through someone else's cow turds.

That being said, I'm extremely socially intuitive, and my gut reaction to people and situations is spot on. My Emotional Intelligence is pretty high (though it hasn't been officially/sociologically tested). My feelings about someone, even if I am unable to articulate why, are right on the money as far as if I instinctively know if I can trust them, or if I want to work closely with them. So, when I read from my PI results that I am going to "notice and understand technical matters more than social ones..." I guffaw.

I also laugh heartily at the "Authoritive and direct... pushes through roadblocks assertively... communication is direct, to the point and sometimes brusque..."  Because I see myself (and have been given feedback regarding it) as giving you the baby and the bathwater when it comes to communication.  I have a sticky by my computer to remind me "... If I Had To Say It In Bullet Points..." because I want to ensure everyone understands exactly what I mean.  I don't trust others to 'get it' so I over-compensate with over-explanation. (can you say "Controlling" ?!)

And then comes the many (many) times I'm proved right... that someone doesn't get the question, or the situation, and so much time is wasted going back and forth in email dialogue because of the initial misunderstanding. That drives me NUTS.

I'm in a situation right now where I've instigated putting together 7 other people to sing for a fun/humorous performance weekend in August. We'll sing two songs, and there is competition involved. You can win 1st, 2nd or 3rd place - or the Golden Banana... which is what everyone actually wants to win. In the past few years I was in a group that got third place, and the next year I was in a different group and we won the Golden Banana.  This time around, I wanted to work with people who hadn't done this Double Quartet experience before, and hopefully help grow some independent singing skills under the guise of having fun. Some of the gals in this group are brand new to this wonderful barbershop hobby, and others have been singing it for over 40 years.

Regarding this situation, I acknowledge that sometimes I actually might be "...direct and sometimes brusque..." because I want excellence (in work and play) as the end result. I like recognition for a job well done, and when my name is associated with something, I want to be able to have pride in what we've (I've) done.

And there it is. Pride. Writing this piece this morning has brought the mirror to my face, and so much crap in what I struggle with has to do with Pride. Caring what others think too often.

My comfort level in posting this (1 being low and 10 being high) is a -3.

Day 3 of Detox - the Distilled Water, Lemon juice & Maple syrup day

I failed my pre-fast yesterday... my boss brought donuts to work, and I was hungry :(  Not enough fruit and potatoes available to me in the world would have made up for how delicious the donut was... sad, but honest.  Thank goodness the two donuts left at the end of the day were gone by the time I went to take the box to the break room.

I failed twice.. yesterday, however; because after work, I went to the market to get real maple sryup (I bought some for last time, but couldn't find the bottle... weird), and some more fruit and veggies... and bought a chocolate cheese pastry.  FAIL.

Today I've done well so far - the lemon juice and maple syrup is pretty tasty, I have to say.

I want nuts, however.

I justified my big fails on Friday by saying "the two days of liquid-only are really the days you'll see weight loss... so this will be no big deal" -- :(

So, I'm writing to help keep msyelf honest.  I'm also going to take a fast from Facebook -- I'll check for messages, but not spend hours like I have been -- maybe get back into blogging regularly, and not wasting the time on FB.
* * *

In other news... I successfully synched my ipod to itunes -- apparently you're only allowed to have up to 5 computers per one ipod... I'm now on my 3rd computer (!?) Kinda bugs me.  But, that is a worry I'm borrowing from the future, so I'll let it go away.
* * *

In other good news -- I've been wondering where in the world my lanyard for my Sweet Adeline event badges went... it has a lot of pins and things that I spend money on, and have been acquiring more pins and stuff... and yay - found it
* * *

Other things that have been on my mind... Scrapbooking.

I love it.  I thought I was going to give it up -- but I'm not. I am going to keep it as simple as I can, however -- not keep every. single. thing. (read: scrap of paper) that has the most minute thing to do with anything I've done.  One of the reasons I have the piles of paper I have is that I want to memorialize it -- and since I thought I was going to stop scrapping, I stopped having a place to put that stuff... hence the messier mess.
* * *

A lot has happened that I should tell stories about, but today isn't the time -- today is for organizing. I had to get a new computer (I had a big lesson this time on what it means to copy files over, as opposed to the 'picture' of the shortcut copied... oy. boy.), and most of my documents are in virtual file land, so I'm in the process of copying over files on the computer... listening to my 'high rated' songs on itunes, and then going through the piles of paper and putting stuff in things to keep stuff in *grins*!

Sad Monday

A Girl at work lost her baby on Friday night. I'm heartbroken for her and her family and her boyfriend.  The baby boy was 9 lbs, 22 inches -- the cord wrapped around his neck, and from what I understand, there's an 8-minute window to work with.

Just so sad and sick with grief for her. I really cannot imagine what it must be like.
* * *

Things have been insane as usual... quartet and chorus have taken over for a month or so - and I've been incredibly neglectful of my poor lonely blog.

But. tonight isn't the night to make up for it.

have to sleep now.  Show love to those you love. And please say a prayer for all those who are grieving in this world over losses of life.

I can feel the bones in my knees...

... and in my shoulders.

And Yes, I can see my collar bones. This is really, really cool.

I'm still REALLY struggling with the next 48 lbs and the journey that will take me on.

I have a feeling it is gonna be tough.  But I can do it.

Today was a crap day at work.  I love my team, and enjoy working with the people I work with on a daily basis. But the frustration of bureaucracy is getting worse incrementally... and I don't have a healthy way to deal with stress, really.

Gotta get my walk on.

Happy Birthday Arizona

Oh yeah... Arizona's Centennial is today -- We're the Valentine State!

And Happy Birthday to Himself ♥

Mid-February Re-Start

I was up 3 lbs at Medifast yesterday. Knew it would be bad.

No surprise... though this past Monday I saw a new (low) number on my home scale... I then went out and bought "treats" for my team at work = Butterfinger hearts and Dark Chocolate Dove hearts... and well, they got a few of the Butterfinger hearts.

I also inhaled a tin of semi-deluxe nuts (less than 50% peanut mix) in a couple of days... and combine high salt with not enough water... having a sugar binge - all that equaled the 3 lb gain. Well, I have to say it stops today.

Yesterday, driving home -- I bought roasted almonds and bag of Lindt's Chocolate truffles - which are my favorite.  3 truffles = 15 carbs... but of course I didn't limit myself to only 3.  I just called the day a loss and rather than go have a couple of slices of pizza... or some salsa & chips... I enjoyed the sugar; then crashed.
* * *

Last night I once again was thinking about what kind of life is what I want to live
[my mind is racing right now and it is a bit difficult to be coherent when so many thoughts are competing to be first... just a warning that the following may or may not make sense.]
and I had the thought that I need to be a grown up.

(I think) a lot of what I'm struggling with is my inner child not wanting to give up anything. (scrapbooking, memorabilia, stamping, crafting, projects, sewing, Martha Stewart-esque plans for my home and life)

I don't want to have to make a choice. I want it all.

And it isn't the first time I've had the thought, but it is the first time I've had it so incredibly internal -- not just like I was looking at the thought and understanding the concept intellectually and saying, "I see... interesting and quite true..." as if from afar... like an objective counselor talking with a counselee... but rather -- having it come from a bubbling place inside of me. Without Resentment. It was with Acceptance.

HUGE!

Can we hear a big WOOT!!!???!!!

* * *

What I want is changing... and the letting go of past dreams in order to create and make real the new ones I think puts me in a place of mourning.  Mourning the death of past dreams, which I'm still (very much so) attached to, and love dearly; and if there was enough time in the day I still totally want to do (!) But the reality of needing to make some difficult choices creeps in more and more each day, and I'm still in the process of trying to get clear on what it is I want my (our) life to look like.

1. Health & Fitness -- (still looking to add another 30 minutes of walking a week, and two or three days of resistance fitness activity)
2. Home & Husband -- Simplifying. Clearing the stuff. Cooking healthier. Planning time together. Growing a Kitchen Garden. Having a herb garden.
3. Job/Career -- still working on how to want this as a higher priority in reality
4. Family & Relationships (has moved up the priority list) -- taking a balance of time off between family and chorus/quartet events. Keeping a few meaningful card-making supplies for creating a few meaningful projects.
5. Quartet -- Be a member of Club 21 (means winning a regional contest and a shot at competing at International)
6. Chorus -- Be a member of a Top 10 Chorus.

To accomplish even a simplified list of things: my main goal is to go to bed earlier (by 10:30 at the latest) and getting up at a regular time (5:30 at the latest). Watching less mindless television.

So I've been trying to think of things that will actually get me excited to get up in the morning put together a list of things to think about before I fall asleep that I will remember in the morning so I'll actually get up... and be productive... some reasons to get up consistently at 5am.

I struggle with being specific in this area.  Having a list of housework that I need to accomplish isn't doing the trick. Surprise. Not.

Doing music is one of them... but in order for me to get up, start the kettle for coffee/tea and actually come in and be productive - I need the space to work (which is definitely NOT something I have around me at the moment) and some outlined goals on which to focus.
* * *


And I have to express my extreme sadness and grief of the too early death of one of Pop Music's greatest voices. Whitney Houston died yesterday at age 48 -- details about it I haven't seen yet, but I would guess that her later drug use and addiction came from a place of trying to escape the pressure and expectation that a needy (greedy) business demanded.  And from what sounds like a tormenting love relationship.

What a gift she was blessed with, such a tragic, tragic end to her life. My prayers are with her family :(
* * *

I'm so blessed... and incredibly thankful. Thank You.
* * *
eta:
PS -- is is 02-12-2012.  Cool. Thanks Ben

Bling ~ A La the Gem Show (Yeah Baby!)

First let me say that I'm *so* glad I didn't bring in my debit card.  I took ca$h only (something I rarely do) and am so completely satisfied with my purchases... *WITHOUT* having done major damage to my pocketbook.

I bought a dozen different colored fabric necklace whatchamacallits, some black plastic/leather necklace things and a few pendants on which to put on them... two black/silver/white/blingy bracelets, a matching pendant and earrings, and matching earrings and ring.  Oh, and a really cute beaded hot-pink velvet bag.

Here's my treasures...

I was taking a picture of my right hand, which meant I was holding the camera with my left hand and trying to not drop the camera, or shake the camera.... so while I'm not particularly enamored by my pudgy alabaster wrinkly finger(s) -- I do LURVE the purple stone... and have earrings to match!
* * *

Had lunch with one of my most favorite people in the world today at one of my most favorite restaurants... took my car in early for servicing... and spent less than $50 in Staples. I could spend hundreds of dollars in stationary/office supply stores... Yessirree Bob... so I was quite proud I got out of there for less than $50!!

Getting ready to go to Big Box store to look at technical gadgetry -- himself wants a phone charging alarm clock thing-a-ma-bob... and I want to touch and feel video cameras to see which ones I want to buy.

Apparently my normal camera can do video - but I can't plug it in -- and imagine it eats the batteries up in a big way -- so think I want a simple bloggie or flip or something in that vein.
* * *

I did see a new-to-me number of my scale earlier this week -- but then succumbed to temptation ~ Butterfinger hearts - bite-sized butterfingers that I bought for work people - which haven't been equally distributed amongst them (!) -- and a few Dove dark chocolate hearts... and I've eaten way too much salt and caffeine this week.

I DID, however, walk on Thursday am - and with the cold weather (cold for us desert rats) and my being sick for a week, I haven't been out for awhile - so it was painfully difficult to get up and STAY UP that early, but it was a great walk!  Miss it when I don't do it-- so am resolved [again] to get up early as a habit. 

I got an app that tells you your sleep cycle -- when the best time is to get up depending on what time you go to bed -- and that helps me figure out what time to set the alarm to get up -- and so far has been right -- even if it is only allowing 5 hours or so of sleep, I wake up 'fresh' rather than groggy, which is, er.... refreshing *hee hee!*
* * *

Still have not moved on the de-cluttering or simplifying... lots of head thoughts, very little physical movement... though I did make room for myself on my little couch -- which is where the pillow is sitting for the Gem Show pictures above.
* * *

Watched the superbowl - at least from half time on-- disappointed for Brady, happy for Manning... great moments at the end!  Loved Matthew Broderick in the Ferris Bueller for Gen X commerical... YAY!

February 1, 2012

A Dining Table can help re-establish (save? rescue?) a relationship.

Eating a meal together... home cooked & tasty real food... no tv.... no couch eating... making plans and discussing the day.

Better.

Weight Loss: eh.

Emotional State: Better

Physical State: getting over being sick (off work 2 days) - missed fabulous coaching session for chorus


* * *
30 Minutes working together on the house.
Not working together at the same time... but as a team separately. Common Goal = to have friends over and have fun movie and game nights. Clear surfaces. Which requires a place for guests to sit. Cleanliness is key here. Lack of Stuff, also important. Working inside and outside on the space we share together.

I feel like such a grownup.

finally.
* * *
Less Stuff. Downsize. Donate. I'm not as bad as the tv show, but honestly,  it wouldn't be that far for me to cross over. Why do I have such a difficult time letting go? Such a weird thing - holding on to the past... saving for 'one day' or 'it may come in handy' -- and until that time just keeping everything stuck.

Two empty coffee jars have been sitting on the counter next to the sink for a couple weeks. They're great sized, nothing printed or bumpy on the outside... would be great for a craft project - or for holding ... something (I can't even think of anything at this moment - but I *know* they'd be good for SOMETHING). Himself took our dinner plates to the counter, and we were talking about clearing and letting go, and I said it was okay to recycle those two empty jars.

It pained me to see him put them in the recycling bin. PAINED ME. Physically affected me.

What IS this? How did I get here? What thought process and pattern brought me to this weird place where letting go and getting rid of things is so incredibly difficult? What am I afraid of?
* * *

Random... lots of drama in other areas of life, nothing major... just time consuming. Every day needs to be a day to re-focus. Re-energize. Re-commit.

Peace. Gratitude. Breathe.

A Year Ago Today

The shooting in Tucson, Arizona happened -- it killed someone from my small church - someone who threw himself down on top of his wife and saved her from the bullets.  What a horrible thing.

Another reminder to tell the ones you love that you love them.
* * *

I've got to cut out the sugar. I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with my moodiness, anger, up and down emotions and generally feeling pretty pointless about everything right now.

that and the scale going the wrong direction... But honestly, my emotions are in total control of what I'm doing and not doing... and I'm beginning to think that processed sugar truly is the evil... and perhaps why the diagnosis of mental illness has increased over the last 50 years -- because we're all eating too much sugar!

Acceptance... of the gifts & talents... AND the 'Never Ever Evers...'

My new favorite blog/writer is White Hot Truth -- and THIS POST made me burst out in tears today.

I think we waste a lot of time wishing for things --

I wish I was... a naturally non-cluttered person;
I wish I was... more organized
I wish I was... better at math
I wish I was... more athletic

I wish for everyone that we become happy with who we are. Right Now. That we love who we are at this moment... that we are becoming exactly who we are meant to be - with all our natural abilities (maybe undiscovered), AND all our natural non-abilities (I have to work at keeping things simple and manageable). I have to re-remember every time all the reasons why exercise is what I want in my life... every single time I go to exercise.

I wish for everyone that we love ourselves for what we can do right now.

It isn't that I don't want to have goals or things to improve or work toward ~ but the inner beatings need to stop.  Accept that I'll never ever be a size 10... that I'll never ever have a flat stomach... that I'll never ever like to clean my house... that I'll never ever want to pull weeds or do the physical labor that is required for a beautiful back yard myself...

I am a natural singer, and have been blessed with musical genes from both sides of my family -- and I need to accept it, love it, use it and (hopefully) bless others with this gift. Stop comparing my special gift with others who ALSO have been given special gifts and talents.

Don't knock the talents you have just because it comes easily... there are people out there who wish they could do what we can -- and vice-versa. Enjoy the differences. Learn and challenge ourselves to improve... but love yourself all the time.

Day 253 ~ 93 Pounds Down!

7 lbs away from 100 pounds lost!
* * *

This has been (and continues to be) the year of cleaning out my head, clearing away pounds, and establishing new (healthy & fitness-oriented) habits.

I'm so tired of living with so much stuff.  Soon it will be the year of 'bye bye buy' and 'Curtail the Clutter... by Curtailing the Crafts.' This is the beginning of a plan -- and it will probably start with the 100-lbs gone party happening in about a month.

My new theme: keeping my house 'spur of the moment party' ready.
* * *

9/11. 10 years later. Still stings. Still hurts. No words.

Lyn at Escape from Obesity on her post today said:

"Goal" is what I am doing right now: learning, experiencing, taking the time I need to become healthier in the long haul. "Goal" is a rich life and self awareness.

 Yes. Amen Sista!!

I'm learning that I may not want everything I thought I wanted. I'm asking myself a lot lately ~ "what do you truly truly want?" and then trying to make decisions accordingly. I've posted my Priority Hierarchy on the bathroom wall... and tonight I'm putting Work/Career ahead of chorus... Big Step.

Be Honest.

Whoa.

But what if what I really want doesn't match up with what other people think is the right thing to want? 

I have to believe that other people have this thought... maybe in different words, though.

What if... what I want makes me appear arrogant, and unapproachable... or snotty? Or worse, un-lovable? What if what I want isn't right? And I pray about not my will but His -- and ask constantly about what direction I should be facing.


And the journey continues.

Day 225

At Medifast yesterday I was down 2.5 lbs for a total of 88 lbs down.  While I was only down 2 lbs over two weeks, my body scan showed that I have lost 7 lbs of body fat.  The walking 6 miles a week is helping!!

This morning on MY scale I saw a new number ~ 244.8.  Discussion with my MF counselor yesterday was focused on ... staying focused. Journalling. Making a plan of eating for the week... and I promised to get back to blogging every day -- putting this BACK on top of the priority plan.

Yes, life has things coming at us all the time, things which want to move us [DISTRACT!] from one direction to another... things that look more fun, or look like a better idea "in the long run," or... in my case... "Look! Shiny!" And before we know it, we've stopped the good habits we're trying to build.

And while I'm giving myself grace and forgiveness when I stumble for a time... that doesn't mean that my Health/Fitness actions move from the number #1 spot in my priority plan/schedule for the day, week, month, year, decade... LIFE!!

And God needs to be overall, in all goals, in all actions, in all plans... and I've lost sight of how helpful it is to take time every day to just "Be Still and know that He Is God" -- to release my worries, my stresses, my anxiousness to Him. 

As the Fabulous Renee Porzel said last weekend about chorus members on the risers... "[the director/choreographer's directions] release us from having an opinion."  ~ I think this relates fabulously to God and what He wants for us... His desire for us to follow Christ... (and the "Plan for Life" that is called the Bible) releases us from having to think about it.  Being obedient actually does give us a bit of freedom.

And this works for food, for exercise, for studying... just being obedient to the plan you're following, without argument, without cajoling, without bargaining... simplicity at its finest, really.

Ah... easier said than done, but what a good reminder for me today.

A number of years ago I lost 25 lbs doing the Weigh Down Workshop (Gwen Shamblin).  I think the foundation of the program (eat when you're hungry, stop when you're satisfied... and when you want to eat from any other reason other than fuel and energy for the body, then turn to God and His Word to fill that emotional hole.) is sound, though I think there was too much guilt, and then the program lost its way when her church started up (!)... ANYWAY... my point was -- Finding Freedom in Obedience was a mainstay of the philosophy, and 'being released' from having to argue or have an opinion is extremely freeing.
* * *

Yesterday was very busy... 4 hours on the road to Chandler... met my mom & step-dad for a brief visit and coffee after the MF appointment... then Craft Class (Fragrance Diffusers)... then picked up the soap we made in July... then dinner with a good friend... then home to my cute hubby and catching up on Project Runway.
* * *

My friend's been a widow 3 years today... I can't believe it has been 3 years since that tragic bicycle accident that took away the life of a vibrant, energetic, God-loving, enthusiastic, intelligent, oreo-cookie-loving husband, father & grandfather.

We never know what the day will bring.  It just reminds me again of what is important -- people and relationships -- not objects and possessions.

Day 209

What an icky week last week!

Yesterday was MF weigh in day... and I was up 2lbs from the last weigh in ~ still down 86 lbs, however.  On my scale at home in the two weeks between MF weigh ins I was 253 to 247; then I was up two lbs on Saturday morning... after being very careful about what I ate on Friday... I was extremely good, in other words! Then, when I stepped on my scale yesterday morning, I was up 2 flippin' lbs.... So yesterday... I wasn't careful... I had TWO of the really yummy MF bars (Caramel Nut Maintenance Bars with 22 g of carbs each), probably two soy snacks, one bag of the new "Cheese Pizza" Flavored snack meals, and 3 regular bars... with grilled chicken w/ non-fat cheese on a bed of spinach for dinner.  I had one piece of pepperoni picked off a friend's pizza (which I knew wouldn't hurt)... I had a ton of carbonated 'free' water ( http://www.lacroixwater.com ) and didn't have my vitamins. I didn't exercise on Thursday (more on why in a minute).

And today....? DOWN 2 lbs (!?!)

Another lesson on not watching the scales, I suppose... :D

Actually, I'm not really upset, angry or even that frustrated.  Mystified, perhaps *wink wink.* I'm a little frustrated with some other things going on, but the weight loss and my efforts  here are fine.  86 lbs in 30 weeks...not bad!! I'm feeling the trousers I bought not that long ago getting much looser, and clothes that friends are donating to my cause are fitting!  I'm putting some much-loved-and-recently-purchased tops in a bag to donate and give away... so I know I'm still on the right track!!

I do want to hit that 100 lbs in time for the Rockin' Party I'm planning on October 15... so I need to re-focus my energy and efforts and commitment to health each and every day.  Sometimes I let the other stuff take precedence....  For Example:

Chorus ~
Next weekend (August 5th) is the Double Quartet Contest for Region 21 during "Camp Agave" ~ our Summer Educational Seminar weekend in Tempe.  Renee Porzel, Sweet Adeline extraordinaire Showmanship judge, choreographer and Assistant Director to the amazing Melodeers Chorus in the Chicago area is coming to share with us her talents and insights regarding thinking outside the box for character, movement and energy on the risers.  Of course, I'm just as if not more excited about participating/competing the Double Quartet Contest... The group I 'm singing with are all dynamos and really talented (including my own quartet members)... and we're sounding really good.

I'm not sure if we're truly "Golden Banana" worthy... knowing my good friend is working with two other DQs in the Phoenix area and what talent (funny stuff) they're capable of gives me my doubts, but we'll sure be ringing some chords, and THAT is so much fun in and of itself.

That being said, last year's contest seemed to have made some changes to the 'good singing' aspect of the contest... it isn't just about being funny... the most entertaining is the criteria --- and to be entertaining you need to sing pretty darn good!

So... extra rehearsals for DQ have been in my life the past couple of weeks... Regular QT rehearsals and stuff that goes on there... Chorus Rehearsals... Chorus Board Meetings... Chorus Music Team Meetings... and then there's the Show Committee of which I'm a part... Meetings for that... along with things I'm supposed to be doing (I'm doing the program layout, and tickets). I've even dropped some responsibilities, believe it or not!  I'm in charge of putting stuff on the Chorus Website (just a bit longer on that one, as a new web-based communication tool is in the works).

SIDENOTE: As I'm writing today, I'm sitting in the living room easy-couch, hubby is watching TV, and I've got my earphones on, listening to classical music... Mozart, to be specific.  If it has words, I'm easily distracted, so non-word music is best for me when I'm trying to do anything that requires creativity... otherwise I start typing the words I'm hearing in the song.  But right now, the Trio from Cosi Fan Tutte is playing, "Soave sia il vento" -- and reminds me of the time in college when we did scenes from Cosi, and the singing Trio is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. In college we did it in English, and I sang the Mezzo (harmony), and the translation words are really beautiful ~ we ended up singing it for a wedding. Opera: Much more fun to sing than you'd think ;-)  AND -- Mozart's comic operas are a great way to start!

Back to regular blogging:

Other things going on:
Moving of my Craft/Music Studio... still very much in progress.  I'm deeply overwhelmed, at least I was yesterday. Today is better.  Hubby and I were supposed to be going out at 10am to go fishing... it is 10:20 am, I'm dressed and teeth brushed, he's still very much watching mindless tv.  Not sure what we'll do. Normally I'm not in the house on a Sunday, so I hope to do a little more moving of things, or crafting today.  Catching up with a super long blog post (long overdue!) is certainly a good thing :-)

Future Plans:
100 lb party!! I wanted to do something to commemorate this significant milestone ~ something creative with a gathering of people... and himself came up with a great idea! We'll have guests bring X lbs of food (number of guests X number of lbs to = 100 lbs) and we'll load me up with 100 lbs of food, take some pictures, then donate the food to the Tucson Community Food Bank. Cool Idea, dontcha think? :D

So... 14 lbs to go until I've lost 100 lbs.  WOWZA!!!!  Can we say Happy Dancin' Here?!?!?!

Himself also expressed interest in doing MediFast... we need to talk about it some more, and our new treadmill arrived and is set up in the eating area facing the tv -- it has a built in fan & speakers, with a plug for the mp3 player -- and so yay! He has plans to walk 15 minutes in the am, 30 minutes in the pm, building up to eventually an hour 1/2 a day (I think that was his plan).

Work:
Three weeks at the new position... had to do a lot of time on the phones this last week, as lots of our team were out.  I ended up going home early on Wednesday as I felt really shaky, sort of dizzy, and had a weird upper stomach (diaphram-ish area) cramping going on. I think I had too many aspartame mints the day before (was VERY hungry on Tuesday and didn't bring enough water with lemon), and plus it was day one of Girl Week, and I'd not slept very well... all things combined to make me feel just awful.  I came home and slept from 9am until 2pm... then sat around and watched tv and did nothing. Felt ooky... that sort of hollow, empty feeling after you've been sick and are feeling better, but still kind of vacant...? Thursday was 98% improved, and by Friday I was good.

Our team is hopefully having a great weekend and we'll make goal for the month.  We're really really really close!!! The new team manager (whom I work with and report to) is really a good, fair and objective guy, and I think it is showing in the team by our better numbers.

IF (when) we make goal, I promised to make my CONTEST-WINNING lasagna.  Thursday was National Lasagna day (really? July is the month they choose to have a national Lasagna Day??!?!), so the Call Center put up a sign-up sheet to have a "Best Lasagna" contest... my recipe comes from my Aunt Marilyn, and my mom's been making it and receiving loads of compliments since I can remember... so I signed up! I made it in Scotland and people loved it, so I figured it was worth a try... and IT WON!!! WOOT WOOT!!! $25 gift-certificate to the Olive Garden was the prize, which I'm donating to the Chorus Raffle Basket for the Show in November "Flavors of the World" -- yay!!


So... hope anyone who comes over to read is feeling a little caught up on my life! It has been a bit of a ramble through my brain, and hope it mostly makes sense ;-)

I'm still trying VERY hard to remember to think about exercise differently... to make fitness and health challenges met and overcome as rewarding as seeing the scale move down!

Seriously... I need to start working out with the resistance bands in August for my arms. The arm wings are really gross.

We've talked about joining a gym (I really want a pool, and lean toward the YMCA that isn't far away), since himself's work won't be helping to pay for any more home exercise equipment, but they'll contribute to a gym membership.

Not Sure What Day It Is...

I lost focus last week... only lost 1 lb (but hey, it was a loss!)

Am posting pictures of what has been my focus the past 3 to 4 weeks...

 March, 2010

April, 2010

What My Craft/Music Room Used To Be...

Early 2011

Rascal Making His Inspection

May, 2011

Oooohhh.... Definite Progress! June, 2011

I've had help!! July, 2011

It is practically like I'm moving... there's still A LOT of stuff in the old room (which will become a guest room/workout room/ sewing room with lots of books in it!)... and a few things still in storage ~ which I hope to get out of storage this month... not sure where it will all go, yet.

I started walking again... now that my schedule is varied, but set.

Down 2 lbs this morning... and this week I think will be the 200th day on Medifast.

Will do a proper update/blog post this week.

Day 184 ~ Dog Days o f Summer... is it Cooler Yet?!

Well... I've not walked in two weeks and I really am missing it.  My work schedule is a bit varied: Mon/Thur 9am to 5:30 pm; Tue/Wed 6am to 2:30pm; and Fri 7am to 3:30pm... (!!)  I need to be walking at 5am rather than 6am in order to have enough time to get all the stuff done that I want to get done in the morning as well as walking, and I've not been 'like clockwork' in my rising habits.

That needs to change NOW.

I was up at 5am this morning (in bed by 11pm) as a friend is coming over to help me talk through what my craft/music studio/room set up needs to be.  My house is in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome -- from FLYlady) and so before she gets here I wanted to at least get the first layer of dog hair and dust cleaned up... and looky here, I'm blogging ;-) Can we say PRO-CRAS-TIN-ATE?!?! *lol*

I will vacuum and dust when this is done... the new craft room is coming along --- but right now it is in that 'in between' time where there is just stuff everywhere, and no place to put it. Overwhelming is just the first word to describe it.  Having someone to help me talk through what I need has helped tremendously in the past... and this friend is a 'do-er' -- she is a 'get 'er done gal' and extremely practical, so while I'm not as prepared for her visit as I was hoping to be, I think today will be a productive day and see results!
* * *

Eating wise I had a not-so-hot week... stayed the same because I wasn't getting up early enough to make decent dinners... not walking and just kind of eating on the fly. Because Medifast is a program that is so convenient, I have to keep up and maintain the good habits I'm learning forever... I let the health/weight loss priority slip and come up to number 3 or 4 at times this past week, and it shows on the scale.

Last night I finally cooked a real dinner (grilled chicken with my normal salad.. which is delicious!), but went overboard with the grilled veggies and spinach/romaine combination.  I hadn't cooked or fixed a lean and green all week... I was eating celery with TJs Almond Butter w/ Flax Seeds (this stuff is awesome), I picked up some really good seasoned roast beef from TJs, with some string cheese, and with the celery ate that one night... I think one night I had tuna/cottage cheese on my spinach/romaine combo, which was good... but most nights this week I just ate an extra one or two MF meals and that was it.  Not Good!!
* * *

I was out three nights with chorus stuff, and this month is gonna be chock-full again... a really fun weekend in August is coming up, but it requires extra rehearsals with a small group... and trying to get 8 busy women together is incredibly challenging.

I feel a little as if I'm doing 3 steps forward, 2 steps back.... 2 steps forward.... no movement.... 1 step back.... staying focused when there are so many things that distract me is certainly challenging.  I have to remind myself that I won't be able to do all those other things if I don't change my lifestyle... and the success I've had so far kind of lulls me into a sense of complacency.  I still have 50+ lbs to lose, but am feeling so incredibly good that perhaps I've lost a bit of momentum...?

I've let go of a few responsibilities, but now have new responsibilities at work, which I am enjoying right now... early days yet, but I really like my new manager (he has an extremely dry sense of humor, which reminds me of my uncle and lots of family :-), and being more of a coach and cheerleader for a new team seems to be working.

Rambling... that is what this post is doing... all over the place in my little brain this morning!

Time to stop procrastinating and start running the vaccum, now that it is almost 7am. 

Here's to a week that finds me back with the right focus and priorities!

Day 177 ~ 80 lbs DOWN!!!

Wow.

I can't believe I've come this far. I have to try on clothes now to see if they're going to fit -- whereas I just guessed before because it really didn't matter.  Big and loose was my criteria -- now I have to worry about what it actually fits like.

Shopping is becoming fun again... it has been A LONG time since I enjoyed going clothes shopping.  I still can't buy a lot, because I don't know what the final number/size will be ~ but there are certain things I can get that don't really matter -- things with drawstrings around the waist, for instance.
* * *

I finished the first week of work with my NEW PROMOTION!! WOOT!!! I think I'm gonna like it here.... I'm plagued with the normal self-doubts and general lack-of-knowledge and there are a lot more numbers than I anticipated (keeping track of agents' stats - CPH, APH, PROD, Efficiency, Testable, Show Rate....). 

Thursday, one of my new team members brought in 5 pans of home-made German Chocolate Frosted Brownies.... (?!?)  and gave me one of the pans.... OMG!!!

But, guess what? I wasn't even really tempted.  I was curious as to what they tasted like, but they did have huge chunky walnuts (not a fan of chunky walnuts... more of a pecan/almond/cashew/pistachio/peanut fan), so wasn't overly curious.  When I dished up a big plate for himself, I managed to sneak 1/4-of a fingernail taste of the frosting and it was TOO SWEET!! Hallelujah!!
* * *

Chorus and quartet have been really really busy... show planning for the chorus (November 12 is the date), singing gigs for the quartet ($$), and trying to get my craft room moved into the new room... plus it has heated up tremendously in the past week -- so of course, while I'm not feeling the heat like I used to, it is still 110 in the shade and makes me just want to sit like a lump in my recliner with the air blowing over me!

Plus the new job responsibilities... a changing schedule and normal "life" -- and things have been a bit busy.
* * *

Spent this afternoon with a wonderful, dear friend, who has discovered the joy and magic of theatre and acting ~ and we had a really good talk about passion, balance, choice and perspective at Starbucks over a course of 3 hours.  It was awesome!

An added bonus... I was turned away from the door when she came in -- I'd arrived about 10 minutes earlier, had our seats picked out and was putting my goodies in my iced Americano -- I turned around and she had not realized I was there already and thought she was there first and was looking for a table.  When I turned around her face was just lit up with surprise and love and pleasure for me.  She made me cry with compliments -- and that is how close to the surface I've been all day. Incredibly thankful and blessed.
* * *

I didn't walk this week because of the unknown schedule, but I think that will even out a little and I'm planning to add a third day in.  So far my buddy and I have been walking 3.1 miles 2X a week -- which takes just about an hour.  My 3rd day to add I'll keep to about 30-45 minutes, I think -- and we may be taking it inside the mall until the weather cools down -- we'll see.
* * *

I'm feeling good right now. So Grateful for my step-father, my mother, my dad, and my husband... along with my buddies on Facebook who are so supportive of my efforts of losing weight and just so encouraging... along with my wonderful lovely quartet friends, and of course, my Sweet Adeline friends.  I can't wait to see a bunch of them in August and perhaps have more than one of them not recognize me in my new skin.

I know I have to remember this elation now and forever, as once maintenance hits and there aren't any more accolades about how fantastic it is that I've been able to do so well (etc...), I'll need to keep myself motivated and remember these happy, glad and joyful feelings... and that it is ALL part of the journey... even when this is no longer new.

I'm not doing it for the compliments. I'm doing it for the life I want to live. To sing better. To have energy. To be reasonably fit. To meet others who have healthy goals and habits. For the Health of it!

Happy Birthday to My Mom!! (Day 173)

What a Fun & Exhausting Weekend!!

Footnotes Quartet sang at Bookman's -- for two hours! we received payment AND Bookman's Credit ... which is way fun! We had a blast, and thanks to so many friends and family who showed up!!

Mom & Step-dad came down for the weekend... a little getaway (and a few degrees cooler here than in Phoenix area) for her birthday...

And the chorus had a Farewell Party ~ Luau Karaoke! to say goodbye to some people who will definitely be leaving big HOLES in the chorus!

As an experiement... here 's a video of some of the party... it is dark, but you get the idea.

On my scale ~ I see a new number!! VERY exciting!!

I wore my shorts today... also very exciting!!

I am now in a new position at work, a promotion has come my way! I'm excited to be learning new things and perhaps being a supervisor/manager is in my future...?!

Feeling very grateful and extremely blessed. ♥

Day 167

Walked 3.17 miles this morning... YAY!

Happy 13th Anniversary to me and himself ♥

74 lbs down!

A re-evaluation of my goal weight reveals that realistically, 167 as a goal is too little. Without any fat - just lean muscle, bones & organs, I weigh 145. The Body Scan at Medifast says to be in the "normal" range -- I only have 74.9 lbs to go... which means... I'm halfway there!

WOOT!!