Monday, April 21, 2025

Thoughts on a Monday after Easter Sunday

Mom passed away on March 25th, 2025. I'm sad, of course, but because I've been grieving her for over 4 years now, I don't "miss her" in a visceral, sharp-edge-of-grief way. I hadn't had a meaningful conversation with her in years. She kept her Stage 4 Renal failure under control for a long time, but her toxic blood finally caught up with her and her body could no longer fight. She decided years ago that she wouldn't go on Dialysis - she didn't want to be dependent on a machine. I haven't written her obituary yet - though I started and the stupid website I was using didn't save what I'd written. I'll do another one - it was just frustrating. I also will do a video of pictures as a tribute. 

There's a new chapter starting for me. This chapter is only possible because of the hard work himself did, and money he saved. I have had 6 months of rampant spending - some things were necessary (his care, the house remodel could have waited, but I'm really glad I decided to go through with it); some things were not... I'm now going to sit down with trusted friends to see how much money there is and how to budget it until I'm of full retirement age. I want to put my side hustle plans in place - and bug out of Arizona Heat from mid-April until mid-September or even October. To put my dreams/fantasies of having a camper van and visiting friends and family to reconnect and see parts of America I've not seen before.

I'm still decluttering - and with travel adventures on my mind - I'm making stricter decisions on what is staying and what is going. Lots of plans, lots of necessary death-related tasks still to do (bank accounts, phone account, subscriptions, credit cards...). It's time to set a date - and make some SMART goals. To be able to drive out of my driveway mid-April 2026 with an outline of an itinerary and a comfortable yet simple set up in a camper van with Harley-Girl. YouTube? Blog? Yes... all part of the plan(s). 

There's tech to learn so I can start my side-hustles. Music to learn, ukulele to learn and guitar to practice. Routine so I can get it all done... starting backward. 

Goal Date to leave in 2026: Wednesday, April 15th, 2026. After Easter, which is Sunday 4/5/2026. And if I want to go see one of my best friends in Texas before the anniversary of her oldest child and my namesake's death; leaving on the 15th gives me time to do that.

Back in town - *if the weather is cool enough* - on or about September 21st, which is World Gratitude Day.

If I'm going to TRU Harmony's Retreat, that is usually end of May - beginning of June, probably to be held again in the south; and then, before it gets ridiculously hot, I can head up and to the west coast to see my California, Oregon and Washington friends.

Things I need to make a habit of:

Sticking to a routine
Staying within a budget
Stretching Daily
Eating Healthy - simple! But planned.
Writing - 100 words a day
Singing - learning new music, learning
Decluttering

Tuesday, March 18, 2025

My "New Normal"

 "Himself" - aka my husband of almost 27 years (April 6th would have been our 27th anniversary), passed away one day before his 59th birthday; on Thursday, February 13th, 2025. Complications from a massive stroke he suffered on Tuesday, October 15th, 2024.

I have so much to say. And yet the words don't always come easy. Feelings are complicated, facts - not so much.

There will come a time, a day, where the dates will fade away - the salient details will be lost in the haziness of memory. So I want to get things down. A record of now. Of the last year - specifically, since October 14th, 2024.

The 'series of unfortunate events' that led to his stroke... Long Covid, 20+ years of smoking then 5+ years of vaping, a diet that saw very few greens and the only veg was mushrooms, Garbanzo beans (chick peas... sort of a vegetable), and some sweet bell peppers once in awhile. Then, the small, unknown-to-us strokes he was suffering, that no one knew about.

The Poor Performance Review that wigged him out about a year ago - Spring of 2024. He took all 3 months of FMLA to get a new GP and have all sorts of various tests done. He ended up with Diabetes, High Cholesterol and High Blood Pressure that never did come under control until he'd lost 30+ pounds after the stroke. 

Jon Cory shared his beautiful gift of a video tribute yesterday (3/17/2025)
https://youtu.be/-wqg-izAI6k?si=2zTD_FeeqQXrRmF8

There is much more.

 

 

Tuesday, January 2, 2024

January 2nd, 2024 ~ another clean sheet of paper upon which to write, live, sing, breathe, laugh, walk (stretch)...

There are so many great ideas out there!

My real estate colleague/team lead and I say this all the time - so many great ideas for our business. But it takes time to choose, time to implement and time to consistently follow-through.

I'm going back to full-on WFPB SOS-free eating on January 4th - that is the day that I'm returning from "holiday" mostly full-time to "normal" mostly full-time. 

We had a super fun and heart-filling "Totally Casual Come 'n Go, Eat, Drink & Relax AFTER the holidays Open House Bonfire Afternoon PARTY" on 12/30/2023. We, and when I say 'we' I mean himself mostly - made delicious split pea & ham soup, Haggis (a la "American"), mashed potatoes, sausage rolls and a new offering this year - fried Haggis "bites." I made vegan chili (Krocks in the Kitchen "Brian's Super Tasty Vegan Chili [plant-based, oil-free]" that I adapted to my taste), and I bought "the goodie plate" from my catering friend and Pampered Chef consultant. The goodie plate included delicious peanut butter cookies, chocolate chip cookies, fudge & chocolate-covered peanut clusters... YUMMY! I also ordered some Blueberry Cream Cheese bread, and for New Years Day - green corn tamales. Alta, your food is delicious! Thank You! The link is to her FB page.

And after having delicious Crispy Peanut Butter covered Chocolate balls at a friend's for Festivus, he made me my own batch... which I did not share and will finish before the 4th of January!

But I came on here to say that there are lots of great ideas out there to get our thoughts flowing about what kind of year we want to create for ourselves. What our intentions are. Not new year resolutions, as such, but more of a focus for creating... more habit building.

It is important for me to remember that I have to actually carve time - make space - to meditate and pray on these concepts and ideas. What do I really want? What is my purpose and am I pursuing that?

I love this quote ~

"The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away." ~ Pablo Picasso.

 

Here's just a few that I put in a word document to reflect upon:

 

From Mel Robbins Podcast

“Howto Make 2024 the Best Year: 6 Questions to Ask Yourself” 12/21/2023

1. What are the highlights of your year?

2. What are the harder aspects of the past year for you?

3. What did you learn about yourself over the past 12 months?

4. What are the things you want to stop doing and not bring into the next year?

5. What do you want to continue doing in the next year?

6. What do you want to start doing for real in the coming year? What really matters to you?

 

Robin Sharma (email)
You’ve been graced with 12 pristine months, fresh and available for you to shape into your highest destiny.

1. Who must I become to make 2024 legendary meaningful?

2. What one breathtaking new project will I bring into the world this new year?

3. What [and who] must I let go of from last year to make 2024 wow myself better than I have been in the past?

4. What major daily habit will I install to make the next twelve months my best yet?

5. What gifts and talents within me must I salute and cherish more often? [Self-respect is a giant performance multiplier].

 

Jan Carley –
https://creativecoachinggroup.com

I recommended that you all do a "daily control project" - like maybe 15 min. to clean a cupboard or fold your laundry - something that would make you feel a satisfied sense of "completion" at the end.

 

Ben Nemtin

Here are three things I learned from my conversation with the wise Dr. Gilovich:

1. You get more out of life when you invest in experiences instead of things. At the end of our life, all we really have are the memories from the experiences we have collected. Too often we are tricked into thinking that we need more stuff to make us happy, but Dr. Gilovich's research is proving that experiences bring us the most fulfilment.

I asked him what kind of experiences make us the happiest? He said, “Spending money on other people makes you happier than spending money on yourself.” Consider this as you write your new year’s list. Think about experiences you can plan with loved ones or solo experiences. And don't forget that the age-old saying is not just lip service. It truly is better to give than to receive.

2. We are most fulfilled when we are taking action. In other words, being passive makes us unhappy. When we are moving toward a goal (even if we don’t reach the goal) we are most fulfilled. Remember this and take all the momentum of this new year and funnel it into taking steps towards your goal. By doing so, you will start to feel inspired, and your spirits will begin to lift. 

What easy steps of action can you take? 

  1. Write your list in a journal (I recommend The Bucket List Journal).
     
  2. Pick one goal that commands your attention and commit to doing three things in the next 48 hrs that will move you closer to that goal (even if they are tiny steps).
     
  3. Ask a friend or family member to be your accountability buddy and keep you on track.

3. The headwinds vs tailwinds asymmetry. If you have ever cycled into a headwind, you are keenly aware that you are in a headwind. However, when you turn around and suddenly have a tailwind, you notice that tailwind for a few minutes and then you don’t notice the wind at your back. The same is true in your life. When you move through your days, you must pay attention to the barriers, but you don’t have to pay attention to the things pushing you along. Therefore, it’s much easier to feel resentful towards the barriers than be grateful for the things going your way (because those things are oftentimes invisible).
 
We know past research has proved that when you are grateful, your life is enriched. The key here, Dr. Gilovich said, is to have an active gratitude practice. Consider keeping a gratitude diary as you move into 2024. It’s very simple, at the end of each day, write three things you’re grateful for and three things you appreciate about yourself. I do this, and it really is so effective. 


Happy New Year, friends. Here's to pursuing our passions, our talents and our people that bring us JOY. Peace, Health, Love, Compassion, Kindness & Grace to us all in 2024 ♥ And Harmony ♫ ♪, of course!

Tuesday, December 5, 2023

It's That Time of Year Again... Re-evaluation of the Current Situation

 “One of the biggest reasons we don’t achieve our goals is we say yes to too many things that are not our priority and no to too many things that are our priority.” – Jay Shetty

*More later

 

Thursday, October 19, 2023

Miracles of Daily Life

 

Yoga teacher and spiritual leader Sadhguru on the miracles of daily life:

"Every moment there are a million miracles happening around you:
a flower blossoming, a bird tweeting,
a bee humming, a raindrop falling,
a snowflake wafting along
the clear evening air.
There is magic everywhere.
If you learn how to live it,
life is nothing short of a daily miracle."

Source: Inner Engineering: A Yogi's Guide to Joy

 

From:  James Clear's 3-2-1 weekly newsletter (10/19/2023)
​Author of Atomic Habits and keynote speaker​

 

Sunday, October 8, 2023

Mind-Body Connection - It's a Thing!

How Being Too Nice Can Destroy You: A Story You've Never Heard with Dr Gabor Mate - Your Inner Child Matters (11:49 minute YouTube Video)

Overview:

The video is about our basic needs for attachment and authenticity as developing children, and if/when we don't receive the message from our parents/care giver(s) that our authentic self is okay, what develops is shame and internal suffering - which often manifests in us through dis-ease.

 

Saturday, February 11, 2023

What's on YOUR Life List? Part I

Reading this post on The Art of Non-Conformity by Chris Guillebeau got me to thinking more about my own life list... or "The Things I want to Do Before I Die" - also known as a Bucket List or a Life List - the idea originated by John Goddard.

I know I have an old post somewhere already started that has a list of goals I want to accomplish, places I want to travel to and experience, and experiences I want to do (like zip-line in Hawaii). I don't know if I want to take the time to find it, though.

I just finished a training course related to real estate called "The Ninja Installation" and feel a shift in what my life has been about. Reviewing your "Life List" is one of the things to do every morning as part of a daily routine for success. Along with some other activities, the Life List Review is to help keep me focused on where I'm going and WHY I'm doing what I'm doing.

One of the things we did while in the training was "Life List Bingo" and it was finding people in our 30+ member class who had done some of these incredible things... 

Saved a Life
Completed a Marathon
Climbed a 14,000' Mountain
Seen a Volcano while it is erupting
Climbed the Eiffel Tower
Scuba Dived
Jumped Out of an Airplane*
Gone Hang Gliding*
Been on a Cruise Ship*
Written a Book*
Been to the Great Wall of China*
Visited all 50 States*
Been to Australia*
Played in a Rock Band
Played professional sports
Completed a Triathlon
Been to more than 30 countries
Piloted a helicopter or an airplane
Has been on television
Professional Singer or recording artist (mine on the Bingo card)
An artist or sculptor

It seems like there were at least 5 people who got a Bingo :-)

Asteriks (*) means that is something I want to do

I think I limit myself so much - my current Life List that I created on day one of the class, that I'm starting the habit of reviewing at the start of every day is this:

Take the Young side of my family on a All Inclusive Cruise/Resort (annually)
Make Enough money so that Himself can retire
Make enough money in case mom needs a care facility
Family reunions

Make the Top Level of my company's Internal Recognition
Be a full-time published writer
Income retirement over $1 Million
Have passive income in the form of rental properties and/or AirBnB's
Be a professional Singer/Studio Singer/Role on Broadway (Broadway Star)
Be Financially independent

Be able to take 4 months annually during the hot season and travel around the USA with my truck and trailer, reconnecting with family and friends - seeing all 50 states & experiencing each state's top 10-25 attractions
Visit all the continents
Take a Luxury African Safari
Take a smaller Luxury Cruise, or series of Cruises - European river cruises appeal to me more than tropical ones
Be the "Grand Instigator" of a small, excellent singing ensemble

Have $2 Million to start/fund a tiny house community in/around Tucson for homeless
Fund a no-kill dog shelter
Write my book, "Everyone Can Sing*"
Give talks about my "Everyone Can Sing*" book
Do a TedTalk on "Everyone Can Sing*"
Donate to any and all causes whenever and however much I want
Be Healthy (no medications), flexible & energetic (walking and stretching daily) and have other people say or think "How is it she's aging so gracefully?"

Not everything on this list requires a lot of money... but quite a bit of it does!

And I want to be sure and give myself credit for the things I've already done... like Live in a foreign country when I write my list. And where do I keep this list? Blog? Notebook? Journal? Scrapbook kind of thing?

... To Be Continued ...


Saturday, January 21, 2023

Family, the other "F" word (?)

Discussing with a friend a current situation that is happening between myself and a very close member of my family, she said her husband calls family the other "F" word. That made me laugh. But this situation in which I find myself is anything but funny.

I'm not going to publish what I started writing about the situation that is happening that made me write the title of this post. 

If you pray, please pray. If you send good vibes, please send those. 

I hate that this is the second post of 2023. There's been some great things happening, but when I received the text on 1/15/2023 that started this, the big dark cloud came and hasn't really left. 

"Nothing I say will change it." ~ wise words from my colleague. 

I cannot control what someone else understands. 

"God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

This makes more and more sense as I get older.

Wednesday, January 4, 2023

Don't Know What to Say (song)

https://youtu.be/_RuOCCjSae4I bought some music on iTunes recently... "Liv On" is the collaborative album with Olivia Newton John, Amy Sky & one of my favorite artists, Beth Nielsen Chapman. This song, "Don't Know What to Say" expressed beautifully how awkward it is when grief hits.

You don't know what to say
You don't know what to do
When life delivers this
The right words don't exist
The fault is not with you
Now everybody's come
My loved ones file by
I stand here feeling numb
while family and friends
Hug me as they cry
There is no language for this loss
Grief is a bridge that can't be crossed
Until you've felt someone you love slipping away
You don't know what to say
Now so much time has passed
For me it's standing still
and way too soon they'll ask
That I stop looking back
I hope someday I will
Thanks for being here
And listening to me
And letting me be sad
And letting me be mad
Just letting me be
There is no language for this loss
Grief is a bridge that can't be crossed
Until you've felt someone you love slipping away
You don't know what to say
Just know that it's okay
Love's the only way
When you don't know what to say

And here's the song:
https://youtu.be/_RuOCCjSae4





Monday, December 26, 2022

Why Just a Word for 2023... how about an entire thought?!

 “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” — Aristotle